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Doc Love Success Coach

New Article Every Thursday



Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love

Hi Doc,

First let me say THANKS, because Iíve learned so much from you!

Iím 26 years old; currently unemployed, and have never had a long-term relationship with a girl. While on vacation with my friend recently we saw lots of girls in restaurants, bars, theaters, even in church. My friend is a scientist, very articulate, and has a girlfriend (who he cheats on, incidentally), and whenever we encountered a female he would encourage me to go up to her and get her phone number. If Iím interested in a girl I naturally take the initiative and try and get her number. But I also have this ďsixth senseĒ that tells me whether a girl is interested in me and prevents me from wasting my time chasing a lost cause. My friend kept urging me to forget my intuition and just go up to her and get her number. His philosophy is that I should get as many numbers as I can, donít put all my eggs in one basket (which I tend to do by getting fixated on one girl at a time) and that way I wonít get hurt.

Anyway, while we were on this vacation I caved in to his nagging and approached a girl at a nearby table in a pub and asked for her number. Now Iím not shy, and excuse me for being pessimistic, but from previous experience I was convinced that this girl wasnít going to give me her number. She hadnít been looking at me, for one thing. My friend said heíd accompany me to the table when I went.

We both went over, made some small talk, and then I asked for her number. Surprisingly, she gave it to me, but frankly, Iím still questioning why she did. I figure she must be playing with me since I can sometimes be naÔve on the uptake in social situations. She lives about an hour away, and itís been a few days and I havenít called her yet.

The reason Iím writing you is that I feel that I know myself and pick up on girlsí lack of signals to me, but my friend is always after me for not taking opportunities that supposedly present themselves. I hate feeling pressured to have to do something when I donít think itís going to succeed. Am I being too down on myself? Any advice you could give me on this conflict would be deeply appreciated.

Walker - who doesnít like to go against his instincts

Hi Walker,

First of all, thanks for the thank you.

Now, my friend, are you out there pounding the pavements for a job 10 hours a day? I certainly hope so. What are you saying to all these girls youíre meeting when they ask where you work? Are you telling them youíre between careers? At 26 years old, I hope youíre not telling them youíre waiting to hear on your application at the local Burger King. To you Psych majors, they only want to know you when you own 38 or more franchises.

Walker, if your buddy gets away with cheating on his girl, you can learn a lot from this guy, though the two of you have it only half right. Itís good that he encourages you to be aggressive and get home phone numbers, but he should be the point man. In other words, he should have gone and rapped to the girl in the pub in place of you. Since he has nothing to lose, he could have sized her up and you wouldnít have to have been involved. The way it stands now, heís happy to make you go to war, but he doesnít want to carry the gun himself. So he should take the point and back you up. Heís a cheater, right? Approaching girls is no skin off his nose.

Taking the initiative and getting the girlís home phone number is what you should always do. But regarding this so-called ďsixth senseĒ of yours, you have to ask yourself: are you 100% right on? Or are you usually right, or just sometimes right? My principles state that if a babe is standing there and itís no big deal to move in on her, then you should approach her like a gentleman, strike up a conversation, and ask her for the home phone number.

And forget about getting ďfixated,Ē dude. What in the world are you thinking? Have you noticed how many attractive girls are running around out there? When youíre going with a girl for six months and she dumps you, then you can get hurt and cry. But when a girl turns you down for a home phone number, you canít get all sensitive. Like my cousin General Love says, ďDo you have any idea how far you have to go in this war, soldier? You better buck up!Ē

Walker, youíre manufacturing a big problem here. Dating is a numbers game. As we say in sales, youíre not going to close every deal. And guys, you have to remember NEVER TO TAKE WOMEN PERSONALLY.

Most girls give you buying signals. But a small minority donít. And maybe this girl you were after, Walker, was the ultra-conservative type, and she didnít want to appear cheap trying to pick up a guy in a pub whoís on welfare. (You better land a job fast. When youíre gainfully employed again youíll walk more erect and the girls will notice and send you positive signals.)

But you did go up to this honey anyway. Good for you. And she gave you her home phone number. Like my cousin Sal ďThe FishĒ Love says, ďSo much for your intuition!Ē Intuition doesnít lie, but you have to know how to read it.

Nevertheless, the fact that she gave you the number means nothing; so donít worry about whether or not sheís just playing with your head. Until you get to nine dates with a girl, none of this preliminary stuff means anything. Youíre just getting started here. And since youíve never been with a girl for a long time, youíve got a lot to learn.

You say youíre naÔve. Why are you laying this trip on yourself, pal? Donít worry about whether or not youíre reading her signals correctly. Youíre just going to Starbucks for half an hour to check her out. Youíre not giving this girl a whole night of your time and dropping $68.50. Youíre buying her a fancy grande latte for $10.00 and a $5 tip -- because youíre a guy who knows how to tip, even though youíre on the unemployment compensation queue every other week.

Your friendís right about the fact that youíre not capitalizing on opportunities. But the odds arenít so good the way youíre doing it. Itís always better to go after a girl whoís giving you buying signals. But if youíre out on the town and you can get a number, how long does it take? Twenty seconds, thatís all. No big deal. Like I said, itís a numbers game. You have to go through a lot of them before you find the right one. And you never know where or when thatís going to happen, so itís best to try as many as possible.

My friend, youíre being way, way too down on yourself. Are you sure you read my book? You have to stop being so scared of women, thatís your main problem, and the first step in overcoming your fear is committing the Dating Dictionary to memory so that youíre armed and ready for anything. (And again, let me remind you that you were wrong about the girl in the pub, because she gave you her number. So much for your negative instincts.)

Remember, guys: until you do your homework, nothingís going to happen.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me at or call (800)  404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"

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