HOW DID SINATRA HANDLE THE MARRIED ONES?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coàch - Doc Love
First of all, let me say that I’ve been reading your columns for a couple of months now
and find your perspective unique and very interesting. I don’t know if it will work with
every problem a guy has with women, but your writing is certainly lively and funny. It’s
nice to find a love doctor who actually has a sense of humor!
Anyway, I have a peculiar problem I was hoping you might be able to help me with. I was
recently widowed (six months ago) after decades of marriage. I knew my wife’s death was
coming, but it was still a shock. I think I might still be in a state of shock, frankly,
and because of that I’m reluctant to even approach a woman.
What’s complicating this situation is that I seem to keep running into unhappily married
women who show an interest in me. These are women who I’ve met through my work. (I own a
small manufacturing business.) I’ll give you examples.
First there’s Dominique, a stunning Frenchwoman who is married to an American man. He’s
a successful financial analyst; a very nice man (I’ve met him a couple of times) and
they have two young children. The problem, says Dominique, is that she’s not in love
with her husband anymore. He doesn’t pay attention to her and is always working. They
are well off and have all the trappings, it goes without saying. She claims that she is
physically attracted to me, but so far when we’ve been alone, she has made no move to
Another example is Ava, a gorgeous redhead in the process of getting separated from her
wealthy stockbroker husband. They have five kids, and her complaints about her
soon-to-be-ex are the same as Dominique’s, with the addition that Ava’s husband is
also mentally and physically abusive. Ava and her kids are also well provided for, but she’s
not happy. She also says she’s attracted to me, but when we went for a walk in the park
the other day, she said that she “wasn’t ready” to go any further at this point
because her head’s “not right.” But what threw me for a loop is that she revealed to
me right afterward that she’s already dating a musician.
Do you see a pattern here, Doc? Both women seem to have the same problems with husbands
who don’t give them positive attention but have provided for them financially. Do THEY
have a problem? Should I push the issue with them as far as romance is concerned? Like I
said, I admit that I’m not sure what I’m doing because of my fragile state of mind.
Please help me figure out what to do, as I’m very attracted to both of these lovely
Quentin - who doesn’t have his act together yet
First of all, let me remove any doubts you have about my method. It’s simple: “The
System” works with every problem with every woman because it’s THE TRUTH.
Now that you mention it, the other love doctors out there aren’t very funny, are they?
It’s amazing how unfunny they can be and still have any kind of following. Especially
that buffoon Carolyn Hax, whose answers I can’t even understand, let alone get a chuckle
And thanks for the compliment, Quentin. If you can still manage a laugh despite your
tribulations, you’re going to make it.
That said, I’m very, very sorry to hear of your wife’s passing, and it’s going to
take you a long time to get over it. But you must remember that life does go on. As Woody
Allen said in one of his films, “Life is for the living.”
Now let’s take a look at your situation. First you tell me you keep “running into”
unhappily married women. But you only give me two examples, and these gals are coming to
you for business reasons. You haven’t talked about trying to meet females by working the
Internet, or going to a dance club, or attending a cooking class or an awareness seminar.
The point is that you’re really not going out and consciously “meeting” this type of
woman. You’re at a vulnerable point in your life right now, but when we think about the
next 10 years -- assuming you go on trying to hustle women -- you’re going to be meeting
all kinds from all over the map, so don’t think Dominique and Ava are it. They just
appear to be it for the time being.
Did you ask Dominique if when she married her poor sap of a husband she was in love with
him? That’s what you should have fired back at her at the beginning, and then you’d
have found out what the deal really was. Sure the guy’s always busting his hump – how
do you think he procures all the trappings to keep his queen happy? Don’t you see that,
Quentin? And don’t for a minute jump to the conclusion that the mess she’s in is
definitely the fault of her husband. What she’s handing you is just Womanese for “I’m
bored, and I need to play with someone else’s head for a while!”
Here’s another question you should have asked her: how does she think her kids are going
to be provided for after she dumps hubby? I hate to have to break this to you, pal, but
Dominique’s selfish, and all she’s thinking about is herself, not her kids. And they
deserve to be thought about. After all, like my cousin Brother Love says, “The little
ones didn’t ask for your misery, did they?”
At first glance, your second honey, Ava, is a slightly better bet – at least she’s in
the process of getting out. But let me get this straight. Ava makes love to a man who
physically and mentally abuses her, has five kids with him, and then figures out that he’s
bad news? As Fast Eddie Love would say, “A little late, baby, a little late!”
But I must admit, Quentin, that at least you’re meeting the rich ones. And guess what?
To you guys who are always complaining about all the Beautiful Women marrying rich dudes,
just because they’re married to them doesn’t mean they’re happy!
When Ava told you her head wasn’t right, you should have looked at her with the sweetest
expression and said, “That’s the nicest thing anyone could ever say to me.” And then
given her a big Christopher Walken or Dennis Quaid-like grin and walked off.
Do I see a pattern here? Oh, sure. The pattern is that when women are on the rebound, they
like you! In fact, I’ll bet you didn’t know you’re about to win the “2005 Mister
Rebound Award.” When these powdered, coiffed and manicured ladies drive over to your
place in their spanking new Mercedes Benzes and BMWs and need someone to moan to about how
terrible their lives are, your shoulder is there for them to cry on.
But like I said before, I only hope you don’t go as far as to believe their husbands are
the bad guys. Of course they’re feeding you that these schmucks are nothing short of
beasts, the next worst thing to O.J. Simpson, Robert Blake, and Scott Peterson combined.
But if you talked to him, she’d be the B-I-T-C-H. To you Psych majors, there are ALWAYS
two sides to these stories. How do you know the husbands don’t pay attention to their
wives? Maybe they’ve tried everything and your two knockouts are so cranky all the time
that nothing works. If you’re not in their homes, Quentin, you can’t see what’s
really going on.
So, buddy, rather than get yourself entangled in a quagmire with one of these two
temptresses, what you’re going to do is get Dominique and Ava to set you up with their
best-looking girlfriends who are SINGLE. Tell them, “Next time you want to get together
and talk about your husband problems, bring along one of your hottest friends. In fact,
bring along two of them. I don’t want you to think I’m a hog or anything, but what the
heck, let’s spread all this love around!”
You’re not going to go chasing after these two beauties, Quentin. They’re nothing but
trouble in high heels. They can nag and moan all they want, but they’re off-limits,
especially the second one with her five kids. Ava should be ashamed of herself. She
shouldn’t be even thinking about musicians until she’s got the divorce papers in her
hands. Otherwise she is com- mitting the sin of adultery.
So remember, you’re going to work these two to get their girlfriends, but there’s a
lot more to my principles than just that. And keep this in mind – Ava and Dominique
might be lovely on the outside, but they’re not lovely on the inside.
Remember, guys: sometimes you have to learn how to use them.
To send me your love questions or to find out more àbout The "System," visit me
àt http://www.doclove.com or càll (800)
Doc Love is à tàlk show host ànd entertàinment speàker who coàches men in his
seminàrs. For the pàst 30 yeàrs he hàs àsked thousànds of women, "Why do you stày
with one màn versus ànother?"
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