DOES HEF EVER HAVE TO PROTECT HIS HEART?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coàch - Doc Love
Hey Doc,
Recently I had to make one of the hardest decisions of my life -- to break up with my
girlfriend of nine months. I find myself second-guessing whether I did the right thing. I
often feel sorry for the person I break up with. This leads me to try and make the
relationship last longer than it should.
Here’s the story. I’m a traditional, confident, attractive (I’m a former model) med
student in his mid-twenties. My parents have a model marriage, something I hope to emulate
one day. I somehow got mixed up with a girl I thought was traditional too. Shannon was
sweet, funny, delicate, and morally sound. She claimed to be very religious and went to
church on a regular basis. I was amazed to find such a great-looking girl with a solid
background. She chased me relentlessly and of course I was a Challenge and only responded
to her pursuit on occasion. I made her laugh, and kept things light.
As she became more comfortable with me (around the four-month mark), she showed red flags
that I made the mistake of ignoring or choosing to live with. For instance, I found out
that she would go to wild parties and sometimes got intoxicated to the point where she
almost passed out. Talk about classy -- a 120-pound girl taking shots like a sailor! I was
shocked, but didn’t react. She cried, and said she made a mistake. She told me she
wouldn’t do it again.
Then I found out that her ex-boyfriend still called her and professed his deep feelings
for her. He did this even though she told him she felt nothing for him, and that she was
deeply in love with me. I asked her why she still talked to him and she responded that
they have common friends and that as a Christian she didn’t want to be “mean.”
It turned out that she’s the type of girl that loves attention. I know all women do, but
Shannon seemed really in love with it. She would dress scandalously, brag about turning
heads at social gatherings, or shocking her boss and customers at her job since she works
in retail. I understand that this is part of life, but I didn’t like the fact that she
seemed to enjoy it so much. To top it off, she claimed that when she has children, she’d
never change a diaper or wake up if the baby’s crying at night. Some great catch, huh?
You’re probably asking why I stayed so long. Well, she promised she would change.
However, with time her true colors always shone through. It was like I was dealing with a
Jekyll and Hyde character. On one side of the coin was this very sweet church girl, and on
the other a party girl who craved attention and getting her own way. Very confusing.
Anyhow, I got tired of being disappointed and realized the situation had no long-term
potential. It got so bad that I didn’t trust her whenever she went out. I’m not
possessive or jealous, but I don’t think it’s too much to ask for someone to control
herself. When I did end it, she kept calling me until finally I had to change my number. I’m
not going back to that hell-hole.
I guess what I’m asking, Doc, is what I should do to make sure this never happens to me
again. I was raised to expect the best in people and that given the right circumstances,
people can change. But it seems to me that when people change, the changes are usually
superficial, and they go back to whom they really are. I’m a good guy, and I know I
deserve better. I just want a nice, sweet girl.
Ben - who wants to protect himself in the future
Hi Ben,
Breaking up with a girl shouldn’t ever be a tough decision. It should be a piece of
cake. Your problem is that you didn’t leave sooner. This goes for most guys out there.
But you’re sitting around feeling sorry for these castaways. Why, Ben? Do you think they
sit around feeling an ounce of sympathy for you when they cut your heart out with a razor?
Guy, as my cousin General Love always says, “Dating is war!” If you let a bad
relationship drag on, you’re just fighting reality. And my principles are all about
facing reality – the sooner the better.
Guess what, man? Shannon might have looked clean and wholesome at the start, but down
deep, she’s nothing like your dear old mom. She went to church all right, but apparently
not enough. It only seemed like she had a solid background, but unfortunately for you,
appearances was where it ended.
But it’s great that you responded to Shannon’s pursuit of you at first. Some guys
would have held back and rubbed Challenge in her face, but that’s not the rule. You
should give in once in a while. Setting an inconsistent pattern means she’s never going
to be bored. This is great – so far.
Because Shannon’s true colors came out at the four-month mark. In other words, you
stayed an extra five months for nothing. You threw away five months of your life and money
and you probably lost some of your sanity in the process over a ding-dong. Was she worth
it?
So, Shannon almost passed out at parties. And those two guys with her were helping her to
recover, right?
But I can just hear her tearful explanation afterwards: “Oh, Benny, I slipped and made a
boo-boo! This is the only time it’s ever happened! I never make an ass of myself at
parties, honest! Somebody mixed those drinks really strong! When I came to, those two guys
were just helping me over to the couch to sleep it off!”
I got news for you, Ben – Shannon didn’t just start drinking like a sailor. She’s
been pounding it down like Popeye for a long time. And you’re a medical student? Man, am
I ever going to feel comfortable the next time I have to go to the hospital for a
diagnosis!
So, Shannon told you she wouldn’t ever do it again….You know what’s really sad, Ben?
Not that she’s a liar, because that goes with the territory. What’s sad is that you
believed her. You bought into the BIG LIE. Why? Because you wanted to. You thought you had
a conventional, conservative girl and you were going to stick to your guns come Hell or
high water. Your male ego and pride led you astray. And, pal, you lost five precious
months of your life because of those two words – EGO and PRIDE.
Shannon and her ex don’t have friends in common. She’s got low Self-Esteem and she’s
addicted to the strokes. One man isn’t enough for her. She has to have at least two
turkeys eating out of her hand.
But okay, she’s a Christian and she didn’t want to be mean. Whatever happened to when
it’s over, it’s over? There’s no reason for Shannon and her ex to be communicating.
The reality is that Shannon is being mean. She’s being mean by being disrespectful to
you, the one she loves so much (theoretically), and by stringing her ex along and giving
him false hope. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “She’s some catch, all right!”
When you describe how Shannon gets off on her various states of undress, one thing becomes
very obvious to me – she’s a flasher. This girl’s in the wrong place -- she should
be working one of the Vegas strip clubs. She sure as heck doesn’t belong in church! To
you Psych majors, when you fall for a knockout, you have to expect her to get away with
murder.
Know why Shannon will never change the baby’s nappy? Because she knows you’re going to
do it! Why should she lift a manicured finger when she can get some flunkey to do the
dirty work for her?
Shannon’s behavior isn’t confusing at all, Ben. The girl’s a whack-job. And like I
tell you guys up front: no Mercenaries, no Feministas, and no whack-jobs. You’re opening
yourself up to a lifetime of misery if you don’t heed my warning on this.
Dude, the reason you were disappointed in Shannon is because you were expecting too much.
This babe didn’t have what you thought she had. You were okay with her for four months,
but then her real self came out. And you should have said to yourself, if I want to be in
love with a flasher and I want to get up at 2 a.m. to feed the baby, then I’d stay with
this girl. But you have to think of the cost.
Still, you wasted five whole months, like I said before. Five months you can never have
back. But it could have been worse if you’d have refused to open your eyes.
But hey, why didn’t you trust Shannon? All she does is get bombed and pass out after 15
shots of Jack Daniels! Gee, what’s so bad about that? After all, she’s got a bunch of
guys rubbing her arms and forehead when she goes unconscious, but they’re just trying to
bring her around – at least I think that’s what they’re doing!
Nevertheless, I want to award you the Congressional Medal of Honor for not caving in to
Shannon’s pursuit at the bitter end and having the guts to get your phone number
changed. You know how many guys wouldn’t have done that? You know how many desperadoes
would have turned right around and walked straight back into Shannon’s arms?
To make sure this never happens to you again, buddy, memorize my principles, and then get
out after four months! Sure, people can change, but with this girl you’re not just
talking about the way she applies her lipstick. She’s got major problems that need
attention, starting with her binge drinking.
But one essential thing we never mentioned is that this girl has to want to change. If she
ever gets to teach a course on the Bible or give a speech on modesty and decorum, she has
to be able to do it with a straight face. Otherwise, like my cousin Sal “The Fish”
Love says, “Fuh-get about it, baby!”
Remember, guys: the prettier they are, the easier it is for them to hide their flaws.
To send me your love questions or to find out more àbout The "System," visit me
àt http://www.doclove.com or càll (800)
404-2644.
Doc Love is à tàlk show host ànd entertàinment speàker who coàches men in his
seminàrs. For the pàst 30 yeàrs he hàs àsked thousànds of women, "Why do you stày
with one màn versus ànother?"
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