DOES STEVE MARTIN USE A FORM LETTER WHEN ONLINE DATING?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coŗch - Doc Love
Thanks for your years of great service to men. I am an adherent of your principles, which
you so humorously and effectively explain in your weekly column. Now Iíve become
addicted to your radio show, too. What are the chances that youíll become syndicated?
Let me tell you, I think that we can all do with a dose of your advice!
Iíve been thinking about starting to use Match.com to meet women. It seems that these
days the bar and club scene is dead, and instead everybody is online getting dates. I donít
know if itís an effective way of meeting people, but it seems to be worth the shot since
thatís where the game is, right?
So hereís my question: do you have any suggestions for what to say when contacting a
woman on Match.com? In fact, can you give us guys a blueprint for how to do it? In other
words, what do you say in your intro, the next paragraph and the next paragraph, how do
you wrap it up, etc. Iím okay when I meet a woman face to face, but frankly, Iím not
exactly sure how to deal with her when you canít see her. It seems to put a guy at a
Hereís something else: the womenís screen names are usually not their real names. Is
it a good idea to go after their real names right off or let that come later when a
beachhead has been established?
Also, are there any signs to look for when exchanging e-mails with Match.com women? Now
that I think of it, the question I guess Iím really asking is how can you gauge a womanís
Interest Level across the computer? Donít you really have to be in a femaleís presence
to accurately assess it?
Iím asking you this now before I actually take the plunge. Like you always say, itís
better to be completely prepared before going out on the battlefield.
Thanks, Doc. Looking forward to your response.
Jared - who feels awkward at the computer terminal
I really appreciate what you said about me, and thank you for being so supportive. But I
want you to do me an enormous favor. Itís extremely important that you set my book by
your bed and read it every night. And remember to do it for the rest of your life, even
after 35 years of marriage. Itís the most airtight safeguard you can give yourself when
it comes to dealing with women, and its principles are eternal.
But letís get back to meeting her.
Hereís the truth about the bar and club scene: itís not the greatest place to meet
women. Itís too dark, thereís too much smoke, too much booze flowing, and thatís
when people have a tendency to tell lies. If you go out to a club, you want to be there
with your buddies, having fun talking about the old days, boxing, business, and, of
course, women. But if you happen to see somebody you dig in a bar or club, you have to ask
her to dance. But donít go there hoping to pick up Miss Right. The odds arenít good.
Jared, online IS where the dating game is these days, make no mistake about it, and in
front of the terminal screen is where you have to be. Even my Uncle Jethro Love says ďBoy,
youís dead in the water with the girls without your Macintosh!Ē But before you log on,
you have to be prepared and you have to have a very strict game plan.
And the aim of plan is to get the girl through the door of Starbucks. There you are at
home, pal, with just your laptop and no girlfriend, and your goal is to eventually say:
ďCaprice, very nice to meet you! Have a seat.Ē
When she arrives, you buy her a mocha valencia and you talk for 45 minutes. Afterwards you
walk her out to her car and she says, ďWow, Jared, I had a nice time! Please give me a
call and weíll get together again.Ē Then she hugs you, gets into her car and drives
away. Guys, if weíre going to sell ourselves, we have to get the buyer in front of us
for 45 minutes at Starbucks.
So hereís what you say when youíre at the keyboard. Since the ladies always ask what
youíre looking for, youíre going to tell them, ďIím looking for a Self-Reliant,
Flexible Giver who will laugh at my corny jokes. Letís meet at Starbucks and see if I
can make you giggle.Ē Thereís your icebreaker.
You want a blueprint? A piece of cake. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, ďThe point
is to make íem laugh and tell íem nothiní.Ē If you get a positive response on
Match.com Ė a wink Ė toss into your e-mail that youíre a busy guy and that you have
tons of fun on the weekends. In your second paragraph, keep on keeping it light. Does she
like to dance? Does she like to travel to Vegas or New York? What babe doesnít like to
dance or go places? Then ask her about Match.com to remind her that you donít want to
just be her e-mail ďbuddy.Ē
Jared, youíre afraid of the wrong things. The fact is that itís a lot easier to deal
with a woman when you canít see her. Youíre most definitely not at a disadvantage,
because on the Internet you can check out up to 200 pictures within a half-hour. Then you
pare it down to 45 or so, and out of that 45 you give the best ones a wink. Youíre going
to dance back and forth with a few e-mails, then you go for the home phone number.
And sheís going to say (hopefully) ďHere it is,Ē or ďIíll give it to you when we
meet.Ē Then you have to get her to show up for her coffee. Make sure you give her the
Starbucks telephone number and detailed directions and that the place has plenty of
parking because a lot of these girls wonít show if they have the slightest excuse.
As far as her onscreen name goes, if she wants to call herself ďAnita The Hun,Ē thatís
her right. Youíll get her real name if sheís really interested.
So to sum it up, break the ice, exchange your e-mails, then ask for the home phone number
and a 45-minute date at Starbucks. Of course you canít completely gauge a womanís
Interest Level across the computer, but to you Psych majors, the more detailed her
responses are to your e-mails, the easier she makes it for you to contact her in person,
and the more questions she asks you, you can bet her Interest Level is clinically alive.
Remember, some women will meet a guy for coffee. When she walks in the door, youíll
witness her female presence in the flesh. Then youíll sit down with her for a chat, and
itíll be easy to assess whether she likes you or thinks youíre the worst thing since
Osama Bin Laden.
When it comes to being completely prepared before going onto the battlefield, like my
cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, ďAmen, Bro!Ē
Remember, guys: if you donít go packing, you canít go off to war.
To send me your love questions or to find out more ŗbout The "System," visit me
ŗt http://www.doclove.com or cŗll (800)
Doc Love is ŗ tŗlk show host ŗnd entertŗinment speŗker who coŗches men in his
seminŗrs. For the pŗst 30 yeŗrs he hŗs ŗsked thousŗnds of women, "Why do you stŗy
with one mŗn versus ŗnother?"
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