HOW DO YOU GET HER TO COOL HER JETS?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Hey Doc,
My problem is a little unusual. I’m looking to you for some good advice.
I was dating Samantha for about seven months before she had to go out of state to attend
the best university business program in the country. (She’d already been accepted
before she even met me.) She said that if she’d met me beforehand, she would have
accepted another offer she got that was closer to home, but as it is she’s going to
be gone for a little over a year. We’ve been doing the long distance dating thing for
about four months now and she’s always talking about how she wants to marry me. As
far as calling and e-mailing me, she is completely consistent. I fly to see her and she
flies to see me once a month. Once she finishes the program, our goal is to go to graduate
school in the same city. In other words, things are going fine between us, but I have two
concerns about our relationship.
1. Samantha constantly asks me when we are going to get engaged. She says it in a joking
way, but I know that she’s serious. My question is, how should I respond? I’m
completely in love with this girl and want to marry her, but what is the correct response
to keep her Interest Level up? (Sometimes I joke that we should go to Las Vegas tomorrow.
Other times I’ll give her a more serious answer and say that we’re headed in
that direction. But I’m not sure that it would be the best idea to tie the knot so
soon.)
2. Samantha cries at least twice a week when we’re on the phone about how she wants
me to pretty much drop everything right now and come and live with her. She tells me that
I won’t have to pay for anything, and that I can just live in her apartment. This
week she took it a step further and gave me a sort of indirect ultimatum by telling me
that she didn’t know how she was going to deal with living apart from me for a whole
year. “You need to move down here right now,” she said. I found myself a little
panic-stricken at the idea.
Doc, how should I respond to this pressure? Our plans for the future sound fine to me as
they are – Samantha finishes her program and the two of us go to grad school
together. I tell her to relax about what’s going on, but she insists that she misses
me entirely too much to even concentrate on her work. I really hope you can help me here,
Doc, before I do something stupid.
Keith – who doesn’t know what he should do with her
Hi Keith,
Let me start off by saying congratulations, man. I have to take my hat off to you --
you’ve got Samantha exactly where you want her. Your goal should be to keep her right
there.
One very positive point we shouldn’t lose sight of right up front is that Samantha
said that had she met you before getting her out-of-state offer, she would have made a
different choice and stayed closer to home. Do women with low Interest Level talk like
that? No way – only women on the other end of the Interest Level spectrum do. So this
is about the strongest indication you can have of her high Interest Level – assuming
she’s telling the truth.
The right thing to do is let Samantha know that the two of you will get engaged after she
comes back from school. This girl is straining at the leash like a hungry Doberman --
she’s completely gone over you and can’t wait to get back to you. And since
you’re deeply in love with her, it makes sense to take that step. It’s okay to
give in to your girl here, buddy. (But make sure that she understands that she still has
to be a nice girl when she’s away at school, otherwise there will be no engagement.
Remember old Pavlov’s dog.)
Don’t worry about keeping her Interest Level up, pal. You’ve already pumped it
into the stratosphere like a helium balloon – she’s going crazy for you right
now! You’re actually underrating her Interest Level, Keith. If this girl were any
more nuts over you, she’d have to be committed. But don’t you go getting bent
out of shape or going gaga over the situation. Hey, you’re not tying the knot just
yet -- you’re only buying time by telling your babe you’ll get engaged when she
gets back.
The reason Samantha’s begging you to move in with her right now is not because
she’s a rigid or structured or hardheaded female, which is where most ugly ultimatums
usually come from. She’s doing this because her Interest Level is hitting the high
nineties. Let’s face it, man; she’s ready to pay for everything. (Gee, I’m
impressed, Keith. She’s gotta be the first woman in the history of mankind to make
that statement!) And so you reacted, at least on the inside – you didn’t
practice Self-Control. Hopefully, you didn’t say anything to her at that moment.
It’s okay to feel panic-stricken, but it’s not good to express it verbally to
the one you love. As General Love puts it, “Never show weakness at the critical
moment!”
But don’t lose any sleep over all this “pressure.” Samantha’s
bluffing. She’s not going anywhere without you, Keith, as long as you keep playing
your cards right.
Reassure her that since you’ve already got four months of being apart out of the way,
you’ve only got eight more to go. You’re talking, you’re e-mailing, and
you’re seeing her every fourth week. Tell her to keep her pants on! When she whines
that she can’t concentrate without you being there, tell her what my cousin Fast
Eddie Love would tell her: “Honey, you’re only a human being, and I
understand.”
Forget about doing anything stupid, Keith – don’t do anything different, period.
Just keep doing what you’re doing, because you’re doing just about everything
right. Relax – you’ve got no problems. Just remind Samantha that if she’s a
good, patient girl for the next eight months, you’ll reward her with that diamond.
That will keep her content.
Remember, guys: it’s only okay to come on heavy after she does.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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