IS SHE "SHY," OR IS THAT JUST AN EXCUSE?
Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Dearest Doc Love,
I have been reading your articles and I am sorry to say that I find your replies
contradictory, to say the least. As far as I can tell, you seem to think that the ideal
woman is one who kisses a guy the moment she finds him attractive and then falls into bed
with him instantaneously - girl who is obviously a bit of a slut (in your eyes).
And you also say that a girl who doesn't respond in this way isn't worth it because she is
obviously not interested. Ever crossed your mind that she might be a bit shy? Maybe even a
little hurt by the last 'great guy' who trapped her into a relationship using a 'strategy'
(oh, and then tossed her aside because she didn't quite fit into the rules)? Or perhaps
she hasn't been dating for a while, so she might be unsure of how to go about these
I firmly believe in women taking control of their relationships, and I always offer to pay
half the check on the first date. When I offer to pay the whole check, that makes a guy
realize that there is no chance whatsoever. So what if Mr. Guy doesn't feel like the great
hunter/protector when I pay my half. I'm not selling out anything for a crummy mid-evening
dinner at a mediocre restaurant. If I want to kiss the guy I will. I am not being paid to
do it. Your comment on how 'unromantic' it seems for a woman to pay half of the check is
way off. How romantic, exactly, do you expect things to be on a first date?
First dates are not when the 'fun' begins. First dates are about two tigers circling each
other trying to work things out, one of the most nerve-wracking things you can do in your
life! I actually think that "The System" that you teach is just encouraging
exploitive ideas on how to treat the 'fairer' sex. I also think that people will find that
your advice and these 'ideals' are rather antiquated.
Yours in anticipation
Christy - who thinks you, are full of it
If you went on a first date for dinner, with a guy you were nuts about, you'd be delighted
to have the 99-cent special with him at Taco Bell. The quality of the restaurant would be
a non-issue. You'd be jazzed to just be spending time with him. You'd find it cute and
charming to be dining on inexpensive Mexican food. And I guarantee that you wouldn't be
insisting on paying your fair share. Why not? Because you liked the guy! If all women on
earth stopped going out with guys that they have no or so-so interest in, and instead only
accepted dates with guys whom they really liked, half the restaurants in America would
And Christy, you say that if you're not interested in a fellow, then you pay for the
entire dinner check. I do not believe you. I think you are fibbing. No woman in modern
history has ever paid for the entire dinner bill on a first date - ever!
Now let's get something else straight. Any time a woman says that she's "shy" or
that she's "been hurt in the past" as a reason for why she doesn't want to kiss
a guy, 98% of the time she's running a con job, just like you're trying to do Christy.
It's a bunch of hooey. When she says, "I'm shy," it's Womanese for: I have no
romantic interest in you!
The other 2% of women who use the "I'm shy - I've been hurt in the past" excuse,
are incapable of giving a gentleman a nice kiss at the end of a first date because they
are wounded and mistrustful. So when a guy goes for the kiss, he's weeding out the ones
who are uninterested AND also the ones who are emotionally unavailable. In this way,
"The System" acts like a filter to protect a good man's heart.
And what's all this about my saying that certain women are sluts. I have never used that
word. I challenge you to show me one sentence in any of my columns in which I even
mentioned that a woman should go to bed with a guy before marriage. Christy, all I've been
talking about is kissing. In fact, I'm the only love doctor who never talks about sex.
You also say that men trap women into relationships. Men don't know how to trap. It's
women who have been trained in the art of trapping since they were adolescents. And
"The System" has nothing to do with trapping anyone. I'm teaching men how to
court a woman properly, for the highest good of all concerned.
A first date is like two tigers circling? Well, a guy and a gal who shouldn't be going out
with each other to begin with would probably feel like adversaries on a first date. But I
think that a LAMB and a tiger would be a more apt description, and the woman wouldn't be
the lamb. There are just too many guys out there who get in over their heads, and they
don't even know it.
And what do you mean - a first date isn't meant to be fun? The fun had better begin on the
first date. If it doesn't, why would a girl want go on a second date with a guy?
Christy, you believe in taking control in your relationships? What ever happened to the
idea of sharing and caring, working things out, and balanced communication? Besides all of
this, you think that my advice is outdated? "Have manners, class, keep your hands to
yourself and be a good listener." If you think that those principles are antiquated,
well, call me a dinosaur.
Remember guys, don't listen to what women say, instead, listen to me.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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