SHE'S THE QUEEN OF FALSE HOPE
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Hi Doc,
I started dating this girl about a year ago. I truly believe that she is my soul mate. I
am recently divorced and was going through that procedure when I started dating this
woman. My marriage was over by this time except for the legalities, and I was happy and
relieved that it was over. But it was difficult to let my ex's family go. They are really
wonderful people, and they think the world of me. I was with my ex-wife for 10 years and
became best friends with her father. But this put a strain on my the relationship with my
new love and she finally broke it off because I still hung out with my ex-father in law.
She felt that that meant that I didn't truly love her.
This girl is now dating another guy. I talk with her occasionally, and she tells me she is
confused and still cares about me and now realizes what I was going through when we were
dating. She said she wants marriage and a family, and this guy doesn't want that.
She says she is 100% sure this isn't the guy for her and she just needs to sort things
out. She says that maybe there is a chance for us again because she knows I am the guy she
fell in love with in the first place. Things just got screwed up because the timing was
bad. I told her that I wanted her to know that I had stopped seeing my ex's family and
that she didn't need to worry about that in the future.
The thing is she has been saying that there's hope for us for awhile now, but hasn't made
any moves. She found out I was dancing with another girl at my office party and was really
upset. She said that she doesn't know what it means, but it really bothered her that I
seemed interested in another woman.
I constantly tell this woman how much I love her and miss her. I tell myself not to do
that, but every time I talk to her I just melt. I know she is the one I have been
searching for all my life.
My question is: Should I not be telling this woman how I feel because she will then feel
too comfortable knowing that I will be there for her when ever she is ready? Should I stay
away from her and see if she chases after me? I have tried to move on, but just can't find
the right woman. I guess I compare everyone I meet to her, and that's not right. If I stay
away from her will, she then know that she needs to try it again or risk losing me? I am
at a standstill here and am very confused on what to do.
Miles - who greatly appreciates any suggestions
Hi Miles,
This scenario brings to mind the immortal words of the King, Mr. Elvis Presley; "A
hard headed woman, a soft hearted man. Been the cause of trouble ever since the world
began."
If you had been hanging out with your ex-wife, then your girlfriend would certainly have
had good reason to be troubled. But your desire to remain buddies with your ex's father
should have been a non-issue in your relationship. He's simply another guy, a friend. So
what? To make that the reason for ditching you is totally off the wall.
Your "soul mate" is either incredibly insecure OR, she was just latching on to
that particular situation as a convenient excuse for dumping you when her Interest Level
in you had sunk beyond the point of no return. To you psych majors, it's a rare woman who
will tell you what you actually did to lower her Interest Level.
The key for you, Miles, is not to get seduced by this gal's rhetoric. She says that she
loves you and that she sees no future with her new guy, but guess what? The weeks and
months are flying by, and she's still with him. She's playing both of you, dude. She gets
an "F minus" in the integrity department. Or as my cousin, Fast Eddie Love,
would say, "She should be selling used cars."
You might want to ask your true love, Miles, "If you're 100% sure that your current
beau is not the guy for you, why, for crying out loud, are you still with him?" But
don't expect a legitimate answer because there is none. All you will hear from her is
Womanese.
Whenever a woman tries to justify her lack of commitment with any of these
phrases:"I'm confused." "I have to sort things out." "Please be
patient with me," don't buy it because she's more full of B.S. than a fertilizer
factory.
Miles, you are not handling this situation well at all. This woman knows that you'll do
anything for her approval, so she can't have much respect for you. And you should not be
telling her one thing about your feelings because she doesn't deserve to have you share
your vulnerability with her. She has dissed you to the max, and what you should be doing
is moving on, studying "The System" and learning from your mistakes, NOT
fantasizing about how this is all going to work out somehow.
So, yes, you should stay away from her, completely. But If you do, be aware that she won't
like the feeling of losing total control over you, so she'll probably up the ante and give
you an extra big new juicy fix of false hope. Your test, your trial by fire, Miles, is not
to fall for it when it comes. As far as I'm concerned, you're lucky that she got rid of
you. She's about as trustworthy as a paid snitch and not someone who you'd want as the
mother of your children.
Oh, and one more thing. You should take your ex's family back - they really loved you.
Remember, guys: her words mean nothing, only her actions count.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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