DON'T LET HER 'DIS' YOU
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Hello Doc,
Early this month I had a date of which I really don't know what to think. This girl,
Renee, had been giving me very strong buying signals, so I got her number. Eight days
later I called, asked her out for Saturday (weekdays were unavailable to me), and she
responded enthusiastically, and even laid bare her schedule that day! (Most girls give me
evasive doublespeak.)
She offered an evening date, but I set up a time for early afternoon instead. She showed
up with Prussian precision to a convenient meeting place, and we had a fun chat. My dad
told me, "The less said the better," so I kept the conversation on fun topics
such as things that would interest us both. She seemed smart, fun, and good-natured, as
well as pretty.
Afterwards, we went to see a performance at the music school nearby. That's when things
got weird. After we sat down, Renee got a girlfriend of hers to join us, and she basically
tuned me out. I acted as if I didn't care what she did and kept my attention on the
performance. At the reception, she continued to ignore me and to joke around with her
girlfriend. They both were even talking and flirting with other guys!
I served myself some refreshments and talked to other people, even though this was really
bothering me. When I was ready to go, I told her I was going we teased each other a bit,
and then I gave her a hug and then left.
I figured she must have low Interest Level and was a Professional Dater, even though the
date cost me zilch. I can't imagine that a girl would have high Interest Level in a guy
and do what she did. On the other hand, a week later, I bumped into her girlfriend and
another guy from her class and kidded around with the girlfriend. As I left, the guy kind
of grumbled at me, "Renee says hi." I'm guessing this would suggest high
Interest Level.
I wouldn't expect a girl to get a guy to tell me hello for her if she wasn't interested in
me! This was at the end of the last semester, and now it's Spring break. I don't know if I
should dump her. On the other hand, a little voice in my head was going, "This is a
test." What do you think?
Wayne -- who wants to know if he's being tested
Hi, Wayne,
Ok. Let's go over this. When you first asked this girl out you should have made it for
Sunday rather than Saturday. In a woman's mind, there is a huge difference between those
two days. Saturday is the day that you reserve for your number one gal, either your
girlfriend or the girl who's got the top position in your roster. Women know that. So when
you're first getting to know a girl and you ask her out for a Saturday, you are letting
her know that you've got no other prospects. Not good. This is something you'll want to
handle properly with the next woman.
You also should have told her that you would pick her up at her home for the date rather
than meeting her. If she had insisted that you meet her somewhere and didn't want you to
come to her home, then you could have screened her out immediately, before this wild goose
chase ever got started. To you psych majors, girls with low Interest Level don't want you
to know where they live.
By the way, you're lucky to have a dad who knows at least a thing or two about women. I
like what he told you about "The less said the better." It's a rare father who
actually passes on any meaningful wisdom to his son about women.
Now, even though this girl exhibited some initial strong buying signals, she disqualified
herself as a candidate for "Girlfriend of Wayne" when she pulled that little
stunt with her gal pal and then started flirting with other guys. The audacity! She about
as classy and courteous as a bouncer at a biker bar.
There are a few different ways you could have handled the situation, Wayne. One option
would have been to follow the philosophy that says: once your date starts disrespecting
you (and rubbing it in your face as Renee did), you leave. Over and out. You could have
simply said, (facetiously) "Thanks for the fun date," and then exited and left
her there baffled and bewildered. To have done that would have been entirely appropriate.
Or, option two: right then and there you could have started talking to her girlfriend and
dominating the conversation, all the while ONLY talking to her girlfriend and ignoring
her. That would also have sent a strong message.
Option three: once she started running her number, you could have immediately started
hustling other women and gotten their phone numbers whilst skillfully positioning yourself
so that Renee saw you.
Unfortunately, after she pulled all this crap, you gave her a hug, which sanctioned her
rude behavior. " Dis me, and you'll get a hug" was the message you gave her.
All right, let's tie it all up here. I agree with you. Women test men, constantly and
relentlessly. But when that guy, a third party, told you that "Renee" says
hi", that meant …. zip. As Judge Judy would tell you, "It's hearsay." We
don't know if that guy was telling the truth or not. We don't know if your date really
said that or not. But even if she did, it's no basis for pursuing further contact with
her. She's OUT, forever, and "Good riddance I say."
So, Wayne, here's your report card for your recent field trip assignment in Doc Love's
Training School. You did great when you waited eight days to call this gal. You were right
on the money when you kept the conversation light and positive. But when she threw a curve
ball at you, you lost your focus. That's ok. You're still learning "The System"
and I don't expect you to have figured this all out in the heat of battle. Continue
studying and keep in mind that each one is practice for the next one, until you find THE
ONE.
Remember, guys: if a girl doesn't treat you right on a first date, there's no reason to
have a second date with her.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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