ARE SOME WOMEN HYPOCRITES IN THE DATING GAME?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Dear Doc,
After studying your "System" over the past four months, I've come to realize,
thankfully, how lost and confused I've been. I feel like the character, Neo, that Keanu
Reeves played in the movie "The Matrix." He had no idea that he was living in a
trance-induced false reality until Morpheus showed him what the truth was. You, Doc, are
my Morpheus.
I used to buy whatever women told me. I wanted so badly to be liked by them. I felt like I
was always on the defensive and I would do whatever they wanted me to do to try to prove
that I was a "good guy." But as I look back now with my vision de-fogged, it's
obvious that trying to be nice never got me anywhere as far as true romance goes.
Even the dating advice I was getting from my well meaning female friends was misleading
and contradictory. I'd follow their advice and then experience only more rejection from
the women I was dating.
Now I'm seeing the light, and as the light shines more brightly a lot of anger is coming
up inside of me. There's so much hypocrisy out there! Women complain about men who never
call, but those same women regularly give out their phone numbers to men whom they have no
intention of ever going out with.
Women say they want to be treated as equals yet they expect the man to always be the one
to put his ego on the line and risk rejection. They whine and moan about how they want a
guy who is "emotionally available" and who is "in touch with his
feelings" yet they consistently fall for the selfish jerks who never express any
genuine tender feelings.
I know that all of this is no news to you, Doc. I just wanted you to know how much I
appreciate your reality-based, non-politically correct advice. You've catalyzed a profound
awakening in my awareness. The next step for me is to get past all this resentment and
find a sweet, loving woman who I have mutual high Interest with.
In the meantime, Doc, I was hoping maybe that you could give me a quick pep talk to help
me deal with this anger and resentment. I figure that it's probably just a stage that a
lot of guys go through when they first start to wake up, so I'm sure you have dealt with
this problem before. Any encouragement you can give me would be very much appreciated.
Richard - who is really pissed off
Hey Richard,
As they say in the 12-step programs, you've been in denial, dude, and denial ain't just a
river in Egypt. Yes, my brother, you are becoming de-programmed and the process can be
quite unsettling at first. Just realize that it's completely normal and natural to feel a
lot of anger and resentment at this point in your journey to Mastery.
And as strange as it might sound, I encourage you to not resist your anger. That's right.
I want you to welcome it, all of it. Your anger and resentment are going to motivate you
to stay disciplined and committed to doing the right thing and never getting seduced back
into your old self-destructive habits.
At the same time, you need to understand that you can't blame women for all the
frustration that you had been experiencing. You've got to take responsibility for your own
experience. There was no law that mandated: YOU MUST OBEY THE INSTRUCTIONS OF ALL FEMALES.
You didn't have to buy into the big lie. You had a choice. So you're probably angry at
yourself as well being angry at the entire female species. That's OK.
All right. Onward and upward to a brighter tomorrow. Let's just quickly review and analyze
your major gripes.
In case you haven't totally gotten it by now, Richard, let me emphasize that, for a man,
seeking dating advice from 'well meaning' female friends is, as Shakespeare would say,
"a fool's errand." Men tend to think that if they consult a female ally for
dating advice that they're getting valuable, helpful information. Unfortunately, most of
the time, the exact opposite is true.
The classic scenario comes to mind of the guy describing to his gal pal how he is in love
with a woman whom he's been out with four or five times and how he doesn't know what to do
to find out where he stands with her. The gal pal says, "Oh, you've got to tell her
how you feel. What are you afraid of? Tell her how you feel about her!"
So the guy follows his female buddy's suggestion, and then of course his potential soul
mate's Interest Level in him plummets. Then he wonders what the hell happened. What
happened was that he mistakenly believed that when it comes to love and romance, women
understand their own motivations. They don't.
And yes, Richard, wouldn't it be a wonderful brave new world if women started sharing
equally in the risk of rejection involved in the dating process? Well, guess what? It
ain't gonna happen. The way it is is the way nature designed it to be.
The male is the initiator. The female holds the rejection card. (She has the veto power.)
That's the way it is and that's the way it's going to be 100 years from now. So step up to
the plate, Richard, and learn to love it. Once you gain more confidence in using my
strategies and principles, you will become a lot more comfortable with the process.
I'm glad that you now understand that 99% of the time, when a woman says "I don't
give out my number, but give me yours and I'll call you." that that's a steaming pile
of B.S. But once again, that's just what a lot of women do. That's reality. And when you
argue with reality you always lose, but only 100% of the time.
And of course women do frequently choose jerks over the nice guys. But the woman who has
the character traits that you want in a mate will want a guy who's tough and strong and
who's also genuinely sensitive and soulful on the inside. Your job is to just become the
best man that you can be. Then you will magnetize a quality woman into your life.
So, Richard, don't take all the apparent female hypocrisy personally. It's just part of
their social programming. The way that the game is set up. How do you deal with all of it?
As my acupuncturist, Dr. Lao, would say, "The happy man, Grasshopper, lets the cold
water roll off his back like a duck"
Remember, guys: don't take women personally
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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