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Doc Love Success Coach

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Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love

Dear Doc,

After studying your "System" over the past four months, I've come to realize, thankfully, how lost and confused I've been. I feel like the character, Neo, that Keanu Reeves played in the movie "The Matrix." He had no idea that he was living in a trance-induced false reality until Morpheus showed him what the truth was. You, Doc, are my Morpheus.

I used to buy whatever women told me. I wanted so badly to be liked by them. I felt like I was always on the defensive and I would do whatever they wanted me to do to try to prove that I was a "good guy." But as I look back now with my vision de-fogged, it's obvious that trying to be nice never got me anywhere as far as true romance goes.

Even the dating advice I was getting from my well meaning female friends was misleading and contradictory. I'd follow their advice and then experience only more rejection from the women I was dating.

Now I'm seeing the light, and as the light shines more brightly a lot of anger is coming up inside of me. There's so much hypocrisy out there! Women complain about men who never call, but those same women regularly give out their phone numbers to men whom they have no intention of ever going out with.

Women say they want to be treated as equals yet they expect the man to always be the one to put his ego on the line and risk rejection. They whine and moan about how they want a guy who is "emotionally available" and who is "in touch with his feelings" yet they consistently fall for the selfish jerks who never express any genuine tender feelings.

I know that all of this is no news to you, Doc. I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate your reality-based, non-politically correct advice. You've catalyzed a profound awakening in my awareness. The next step for me is to get past all this resentment and find a sweet, loving woman who I have mutual high Interest with.

In the meantime, Doc, I was hoping maybe that you could give me a quick pep talk to help me deal with this anger and resentment. I figure that it's probably just a stage that a lot of guys go through when they first start to wake up, so I'm sure you have dealt with this problem before. Any encouragement you can give me would be very much appreciated.

Richard - who is really pissed off

Hey Richard,

As they say in the 12-step programs, you've been in denial, dude, and denial ain't just a river in Egypt. Yes, my brother, you are becoming de-programmed and the process can be quite unsettling at first. Just realize that it's completely normal and natural to feel a lot of anger and resentment at this point in your journey to Mastery.

And as strange as it might sound, I encourage you to not resist your anger. That's right. I want you to welcome it, all of it. Your anger and resentment are going to motivate you to stay disciplined and committed to doing the right thing and never getting seduced back into your old self-destructive habits.

At the same time, you need to understand that you can't blame women for all the frustration that you had been experiencing. You've got to take responsibility for your own experience. There was no law that mandated: YOU MUST OBEY THE INSTRUCTIONS OF ALL FEMALES. You didn't have to buy into the big lie. You had a choice. So you're probably angry at yourself as well being angry at the entire female species. That's OK.

All right. Onward and upward to a brighter tomorrow. Let's just quickly review and analyze your major gripes.

In case you haven't totally gotten it by now, Richard, let me emphasize that, for a man, seeking dating advice from 'well meaning' female friends is, as Shakespeare would say, "a fool's errand." Men tend to think that if they consult a female ally for dating advice that they're getting valuable, helpful information. Unfortunately, most of the time, the exact opposite is true.

The classic scenario comes to mind of the guy describing to his gal pal how he is in love with a woman whom he's been out with four or five times and how he doesn't know what to do to find out where he stands with her. The gal pal says, "Oh, you've got to tell her how you feel. What are you afraid of? Tell her how you feel about her!"

So the guy follows his female buddy's suggestion, and then of course his potential soul mate's Interest Level in him plummets. Then he wonders what the hell happened. What happened was that he mistakenly believed that when it comes to love and romance, women understand their own motivations. They don't.

And yes, Richard, wouldn't it be a wonderful brave new world if women started sharing equally in the risk of rejection involved in the dating process? Well, guess what? It ain't gonna happen. The way it is is the way nature designed it to be.

The male is the initiator. The female holds the rejection card. (She has the veto power.) That's the way it is and that's the way it's going to be 100 years from now. So step up to the plate, Richard, and learn to love it. Once you gain more confidence in using my strategies and principles, you will become a lot more comfortable with the process.

I'm glad that you now understand that 99% of the time, when a woman says "I don't give out my number, but give me yours and I'll call you." that that's a steaming pile of B.S. But once again, that's just what a lot of women do. That's reality. And when you argue with reality you always lose, but only 100% of the time.

And of course women do frequently choose jerks over the nice guys. But the woman who has the character traits that you want in a mate will want a guy who's tough and strong and who's also genuinely sensitive and soulful on the inside. Your job is to just become the best man that you can be. Then you will magnetize a quality woman into your life.

So, Richard, don't take all the apparent female hypocrisy personally. It's just part of their social programming. The way that the game is set up. How do you deal with all of it? As my acupuncturist, Dr. Lao, would say, "The happy man, Grasshopper, lets the cold water roll off his back like a duck"

Remember, guys: don't take women personally

To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me at or call (800)  404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"

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