DO COMPLIMENTS RAISE INTEREST LEVEL?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I'm a woman who has read your column several times on askmen.com, and I have to compliment
you on your incredible insight! When I read your column, it's like being with a psychic
who can tell me things about myself that are definitely true, but I'd never really thought
about. As far as my romantic tendencies are concerned, you seem to know me better than I
In one of your columns you advised men not to compliment women too much. At first I didn't
agree with this, but after my date last Friday I think you are dead-on. Here's what
happened: I was getting ready for my third date with a man whom I had High Interest Level
To me, the third date is an important date, when men seem to decide if they want to go
forward with a relationship or not. Since I really wanted a relationship with this guy
because our first two dates went so well, I put a lot of effort into getting ready for our
third date. You know how brides get transformed on their wedding day? I went to similar
My friend, a cosmetologist, spent 45 minutes blowing out my hair and another 45 minutes
applying my make-up (it looked very natural and just made me look a lot better). I wore an
outfit that really accentuated my curves without being overtly sexual. I probably went
from a 7 to a 9 in two hours.
My efforts were definitely noticed. My date gave me at least ten compliments during the
course of the evening, on all aspects of my appearance. He seemed enraptured by me. What's
so ironic is that this was exactly what I was hoping for, and at the time I enjoyed the
compliments. Yet the effect it eventually had on me was to lower my Interest Level in him,
and I really don't know why. Is it low self-esteem on my part?
Logically, I want a man who compliments me, finds me beautiful, and is crazy about me. But
honestly, I would have been much more turned on if he'd simply played it cool and maybe
briefly commented on my appearance by mentioning that I looked nice. The next two times he
called me, I was pretty distant and on the verge of being rude.
Anyhow, I just wanted to share that with you because I'm sure many people question your
advice and I wanted to validate what you've known all along.
Is there any way that you could also write a column for women? You are extremely
perceptive, and I'm sure you know a lot about what makes men respond to women, and what we
do that lowers their Interest Level. There is a huge group of women who could use your
Paula - who can't stand boot-lickers.
So, I seem to know you better than you know yourself. Well, Paula, that's why they call me
the first man in 6000 years to understand women. You didn't agree with me at first because
you had a knee-jerk reaction to my politically incorrect take on the mating dance. But
when your own experience validated what I've been saying, you saw the light. I'm glad.
You mentioned that the third date is when men decide whether they want to go forward with
the relationship or not. Well, my love, that's an interesting thought, but you missed it
again. The third date is one of the many junctures where the woman decides whether to go
further with the relationship or not.
The man doesn't decide. He doesn't know where things are going until the woman informs him
either subtly or not so subtlety. The man merely shows up, often in a clueless state, and
waits for the woman to give him, however she conveys it, a thumbs up or a thumbs down. Get
And when you put all that preparatory time and effort into maximizing your strike power,
it wasn't because it was your third date with the guy. Third date shmerd date. No, it was
because your Interest Level in this guy was reaching critical mass. You were enthralled
and you decided it was time to pull out all the stops. Ahh, the power and inspiration of
High Interest Level. See, Paula, I got you again.
The other dead giveaway of your extra high level of romantic interest in this guy was that
you likened your personal beautifying efforts to that of a bride on her wedding day. Women
make matrimonial references like that only when the guy they like is setting off the
lovely chime of wedding bells in their ears. To you Psych majors, this is what women do
when they don't have low Interest Level.
Now we must move on to the sad part. Unfortunately, your guy allowed your stunning
appearance to have too much of an impact on him, and so your romantic interest and level
of respect for him irretrievably plummeted. You didn't know it, Paula, but you were
testing him to see if he would lose it when you came on with the heavy artillery. You
administered the test, and, sadly, he failed. Like most men, he couldn't control his
mouth. You started to see him as a panting puppy who was too happy to be there.
And by the way, your reaction of being dismayed by the excessive number of compliments
from your date had nothing to do with your having a lack of self-esteem. Your reaction was
healthy and appropriate. It's the person with low self-esteem who can never get enough
Whether you know it or not, Paula, you did the right thing by cutting this guy loose. Your
Interest Level will never rise to the same level that it was prior to his blunders, even
if he were to do everything right from now on, which he won't. If he calls again, which he
will, make sure to tell him to study "The System" so that he can properly and
successfully court the next woman that he has a shot with.
Will I ever write a column for women? I never say never, but it's not likely. Women
understand men. Women have all the advantages in the dating and mating game. It's men who
need help. A lot of help.
Remember, guys: before you open your mouth, ask yourself, "Is this going to help my
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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