The Three Biggest Mistakes Men Make?
Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Dear Doc Love,
Hi, my name is Branden, I'm 28 and I manage a health food store near San Francisco. I've
just started dating a girl I really like, Esmeralda. She's 24. Very pretty. We've had
three fun dates so far. But, I'm kind of worried. My problem is that women keep flaking
out on me by the fifth or sixth date and I do not know why. I'm almost embarrassed to tell
you that this has happened to me several times. But I would do anything to not lose this
girl. She's really special.
I'm a good-looking guy, and attractive women are definitely attracted to me. They seem to
like me a lot at first and then things usually just go downhill from there. I can sort of
feel that the same thing might be starting to happen again with Esmeralda. God, I don't
want to blow it this time!
One of the guys who works with me told me that I should start reading your weekly column
and that it would help me a lot. So I am, but in the meantime, I thought I'd go straight
to the source and just get some advice from you directly.
Doc, what do you think I could be doing wrong? I'm always real positive. Like on our last
date, I held Esmeralda's hand and told her how beautiful I thought she was and how
attracted to her I am. She seemed to like that, but I'm not sure because she also seemed a
little distracted at the end of the date. (A female friend of mine recommended that I say
those things - see how confused I am)?
So, any advice you can give me would be super appreciated.
Branden - who doesn't want to go down in flames again
If you keep losing these girls, then you are indeed doing something wrong, probably
several things wrong. But take some comfort in knowing that you are not alone in your
confusion. Most guys simply never receive any accurate info on how to relate to women from
a place of power and mastery. Their models for manhood come from a mishmash of sports
heroes, rock or rap musicians and movie stars, most of whom are living in a fantasy world
and have a twisted sense of values.
Finding a model of manhood who's not an idiotic egomaniac, a macho moron or a screw-up is
a challenging task. And very, very few teenage boys have the good fortune to have fathers
or big brothers in their lives that really understand women and know how to coach kids
Consequently, most guys find themselves adrift in the dating world, shooting from the hip
and flying by the seat of their pants, using the trial and error method. (Always on trial
and frequently NOT learning from their errors.)
Branden, you need basic training, training that you've never been given. You've gotta get
street-smart, dude. But that's not going to happen if you keep taking advice from women.
Women can tell you what they think they want from a man, but they are essentially
incapable of telling you what they will actually respond to emotionally!
So allow me to be your mentor, and provide you with three simple but powerful principles
that will transform your love life. Here they are.
During the first sixty days of dating:
1) Do not come on heavy - keep it light
This means: Don't tell her how pretty she is or how much you like her or that you'd like
to see her again. Keep it positive Branden. Keep her laughing. Give her no more than one
compliment per date. No gifts and no flowers, all of which she experiences as appeals for
her approval. (Don't try to impress her.) Don't talk about your feelings for her or your
romantic Interest Level. Instead, let her wonder where she stands with you. Remain
2) Do not touch her - let her do all the touching
If a girl likes you, she will automatically begin to touch you and will increase the
frequency of touching as she spends more time with you. If you try to raise her Interest
Level by touching HER a lot, your actions will backfire. You will inhibit her impulse to
touch YOU. She will begin to feel uncomfortable, and she will withdraw from you. Most guys
have absolutely no understanding of this principle of romantic relationships. Believe it
or not, the less you touch her, the more she will want to touch you.
3) Do not mention or hint at the topic of sex.
Way too many guys have a terrible habit of talking about sex on a date. If you start
trying to get your date turned on by talking about sex, you will turn her off! Yes. I
said, you would turn her off. Even if she makes jokes or hints about sex, don't jump on it
like most guys do. Instead, playfully steer her away from the topic. Trust me, this will
work to your advantage.
Branden, if you begin practicing just these three principles from "The System,"
your love life will improve immensely and you won't have to go down in flames ever again.
Remember, guys, start with the basics.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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