WHAT ARE THE TOP 5 'FIRST DATE' BLUNDERS THAT MEN MAKE?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I've been reading your column for awhile now and it's made me much more aware of when a
guy whom I'm dating is doing the right thing and when he's blowing it. Hopefully you won't
label me as "stuck up" when I tell you that I am a very attractive woman and I
have absolutely no shortage of men who want to take me out.
Since I broke up with my last boyfriend over a year and a half ago I've been dating quite
frequently. I go out on a date about twice a week on the average. (If I accepted all the
proposals I get in an average week, I'd be going out on a date every single night. But
like most women, I'm very choosy.
I have to tell you that It's very tough to find a guy who is a true gentleman and also a
Challenge, as you say. I've had dozens and dozens of experiences where I'm initially quite
attracted to and interested in a guy. I may even be very excited by the potential that I
see with him. But by the end of the first date, and I'm not talking about the third or
fourth date. No, I mean after one date the guy has taken himself out of the running in one
way or another. Over and over again this happens, and I'm not being unreasonable. These
guys really need your "System."
Last week I went out with a hunky handsome professional athlete who at first seemed to be
quite charming. But halfway into dinner he started telling about what a "bitch"
his ex girlfriend was. When he asked me if I wanted to take a drive with him up the coast
the following weekend, I told him that I couldn't because I had a previous engagement. He
didn't have a clue that he did something to kill my Interest Level.
Two nights ago I went out with a commercial pilot, a very confident and manly man. He was
also quite articulate and had fascinating stories to tell about his world travels. But
when he put his hand on my knee for the third time, I was ready to cry out, "Check
So, Doc, I appreciate all that you're doing to help men learn how to conduct themselves. I
think that most of these guys that I'm encountering are basically good guys. All they need
is some training. I'm starting to send them to you whenever they'll listen. Maybe someday
soon I'll find myself on a date with one of your students. That would be heavenly. Thanks
for all your insights.
Harriet - who is frustrated but hopeful
It is a jungle out there in the dating world, and both men and women must proceed through
it with caution. Some of the dangerous creatures that men encounter in that jungle are the
professional daters, the gold diggers, the time wasting flirters, the spoiled princesses
and the ball busting feministas with a chip on their shoulders.
A sampling of the creepy creatures that women encounter in the Dating Jungle are the
overly anxious, panting puppy dog, the misogynistic macho boy, the BS spewing braggart and
the Wimpus Americanus.
Anyone who dates a lot, male or female, will ultimately encounter the full cast of
characters; and Harriet, it sounds as if you've probably met up with most of them. What I
appreciate about your letter is your earnestness. You've taken the time to write and share
about your experiences so that everyone's awareness might be raised.
So, look, guys, and I'm talking mainly to you newer readers who have yet to study and use
"The System." You've got a lot of serious self examination and character
building to do. Or, as they say in the Navy, "It's time to shape up or ship
out!"Time's a wasting. There are tons and tons of great women out there who are dying
to have high interest in you. You've just got to stop sabotaging the airliner of love
before it gets off the ground.
I'm going to make it real simple for you new recruits. Here are the top 5 things that you
should never do on a first date. If you just get these first essential 5 and you never
learn anything else, you'll be way ahead of the pack. (For a comprehensive list see
One) Do not touch your date. Don't grab her knee. Don't try to hold her hand. Don't
squeeze her shoulder and don't put your arm around her. Men mistakenly think that if they
initiate touching that it will somehow "prime the pump" and it will make the
woman want to touch them. The opposite is true. The more you put your hands on her the
more it inhibits her.
The wise man holds back and lets the woman do all the touching, if she is so inspired. The
only way you can get a clear "read" is if you wait and watch without trying to
manipulate her Interest Level.
Two) Do not talk about other women. Don't talk about your ex-wives or ex- girlfriends.
Don't talk about your wonderful platonic buddy "Sally" who is your jogging
partner. Think about it. It's always a turnoff when a woman starts telling you things
about some other guy in her life. We don't want to hear about him! Keep the romantic
potential of your first date high by keeping the subject of other women out of the
Three) Do not brag. Women have heard it all and they've heard it all a thousand times.
Every time you start overselling yourself, you become less attractive. Let her slowly
discover what a great guy you are. Rather than seeking approval and trying to impress her,
allow her to experience you as an enigmatic Mystery Man whom she can't quite figure out.
That will raise her Interest Level in a way that hearing from you about your various
athletic or monetary accomplishments never will.
Four) Keep the conversation light and positive. So often, men, without thinking and
without even knowing what they're doing, lead the conversation into heavy, negative
topics. There is no constructive reason for doing this! It's a bummer. It's a bring down.
It's not romantic! Let's not talk about terrorism or the SARS epidemic or what a jerk your
boss is. Don't recount the details of your last painful breakup. Lay off the heavy
Five) Do not talk about sex. Women are sick to death of hearing about it. Every other guy
talks about it, but you're not going to. You're going to be different. You're not going to
try to impress her with what a sexy, sexual guy you are. You're not going to drop hints
and make innuendoes in an attempt to signal to her that you're the greatest lover in the
metropolitan Cleveland area. No. You're going to remain cool and classy. When you talk
about sex on a first date, you attack her comfort level and why the hell would you want to
All right men. There you have it. Now go out and field test these recommendations on your
next few dates and report back to me.
Remember, guys: if you do what's right, she can't get rid of you.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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