THE MOST DANGEROUS CREATURE ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I've used your philosophy and its worked wonders on my life. There's one thing I'm curious
about, and maybe it's a more unusual dilemma than most.
I dated this unbelievably beautiful Colombian woman about a year and a half ago. From the
gods, it seemed. She is quite literally a knockout in looks and body, drawing attention to
herself wherever she goes. Unfortunately, this woman had a bad habit of not being
faithful. So taking your advice I had the backbone to dump her and cut contact right away,
once I knew. Several months passed, and life seemed to move on.
One day she called me out of the blue. I didn't want to talk to her. I told her at the
time I had met someone, and I hung up. Ever since that time she's called my family,
friends, left messages, showed up at work, my apartment, hoping to work things out.
Challenge gone awry you could say. This has gone on in frequency every couple of weeks or
so for many months on end. I have had no way to stop it.
She tells me she wants to be friends (her Womanese for a physical relationship). But I
know her to be quite possessive, violent, and a chronic cheater.
Each time she initiates her campaign, I ignore her and walk away, but she persists. I have
made it clear to her many times that my interest is zero and honestly feel nothing
emotional towards her. My problem is that I've never had an extremely attractive woman
chase me, and honestly she still turns me on quite a bit in the physical sense.
I am very tempted to try something simply physical, but my fear is that I am going to bury
myself. I don't want a relationship with her at all. She is Miss Wrong. Doc, the
temptation of a beautiful woman is overwhelming. What is the best way for me to handle
this? I will clearly follow whatever you say as it has always worked in the past.
Kirby - who is tempted, but not stupid
Well, it sounds as if you've really gotten yourself into one mixed up mess of a dilemma
with a triple threat:
ONE) Your Colombian Cutie is one deeply troubled, unstable, bona fide nut
case. To you Psych majors, she ain't clinically sane.
TWO) On top of that, she's a beautiful woman. (Can anyone doubt why I say that The
Beautiful Woman is the most dangerous creature on the planet?) Her power to control,
intimidate and seduce is awesome and you are dealing with the Latin version of the
species, Kirby, which only adds more fuel to the fire.
THREE) She knows that right under the surface of your "I'm done with you"
facade, you're still hooked. All she'd have to do is get you alone, get naked and rub up
against you once or twice and you'd be capitulating faster than Roger Clemens' can toss a
curve ball. (Actually, I'm surprised that she hasn't already tried this tactic.)
The reason that she's comin' after you, Kirby, like a jungle leopard relentlessly stalking
its prey is because you are the first guy in her life who wouldn't kiss her butt and let
her get away with her usual games and deceptions. As my cousin "Fast Eddie" Love
would say, "Rejection is the ultimate Challenge."
Before we get to the solution here Kirby, I want to commend you on the tremendous strength
of character that you have demonstrated so far. When it became clear that this girl was no
good for you, you got rid of her. Most men don't have the guts to do what you did. Doing
that took real courage and conviction. God bless you, my brother, for your commitment to
your own integrity and for not giving in to addictive impulses.
That said, we need to extricate you from this mess, Kirby. Not only has this gal become a
major stress in your life (which you do not need), but you could actually be in physical
danger if you don't pull this poisonous weed out by the roots.
I'm certain that you've wracked your brain and brainstormed with your brothers as to what
the heck you can do, obviously to no avail. Here's the point. You've got to do something
different. Saying "No" to her in new and creative ways is not going to change
anything. In fact, if you haven't guessed already, the more you say "No," the
more determined she will become. So let's play it smart here and twist this whole thing
around to your advantage.
What I want you to do is to go ahead and go out with her. Yep, that's right. The next time
she contacts you, set up a date with her and take her out somewhere. Have a long
"heart to heart" talk with her about how you see that you've really just been
afraid of intimacy and that you now realize that she is indeed the love of your life. Our
goal here is to come on heavy and turn her off.
The next day after the date, call her four or five different times and leave messages
telling her how much you love her and how you can't stop thinking about her. Tell her that
you have to see her again, right away. Send her flowers. Buy a stack of different mushy
romantic cards and send her one every day for a week. As my cousin Sal "The
Fish" Love would say, "When I'm done with her, she'll be droppin' me like a
However challenging this recommendation may seem to be to carry out, just do it anyway,
Kirby. You can pull it off. Fake it till you make it. I guarantee you that after a week or
two of "the new you" she'll be so turned off, you'll be wondering what ever
happened to her.
Remember, guys: if you want to turn her off, come on heavy.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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