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Doc Love Success Coach

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Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love

Dear Doc,

I just recently broke up with a girl THAT I had been dating for about six weeks. Well, actually, she broke up with me. When I called her yesterday to make plans for the weekend, she said, "We need to talk, can you come over?" Having my fair share of experience in the dating game, I knew what that meant.

I didn't want to waste time getting together with her in person if she was going to dump me, so I just said, "Ok, let's talk." Then she went into a long explanation about how she's been doing a lot of "soul searching" and that she's come to realize that we're "Just in different places in our lives."

Of course I'm thinking to myself "Different places in our lives? What the hell is that supposed to mean?" But I didn't say any of this to her. I knew it was over and that it was useless to try to make sense out of her verbiage or to try to talk her out of it. I told her that I agreed with her and that it had been fun while it lasted.

What I want to know is why can't women just be honest with you when they're dumping you? If I'm getting the axe I'd much rather hear something like "You're boring and you have B.O that won't quit" rather than some worn out, insipid cliche.

I'm just curious what you have to say about this, Doc.

Roscoe - who is ticked off

Hi Roscoe,

Frequently, when a woman has decided to dump a man, she wants to do it the way SHE wants to do it and be in total control of the process. This usually involves a long "sharing" or "processing" session where she tries to cushion the blow so that she can feel a minimum of guilt and discomfort.

When getting the axe, the average guy goes along with this female agenda, allowing the woman to feel good about herself while he, at best, gets his hopes dashed, or worse, his heart ripped out. So allow me to commend you, Roscoe on taking control and short circuiting your "girlfriend's" game plan.. It would have been a mistake to make the drive to meet with her and have a "heart to heart" talk so that she could have assuaged her own guilt while you would have wound up with the booby prize. (no pun intended.)

There are certain telltale phrases that a woman will use that immediately signal the demise of your relationship with her. As shocking and hurtful as it may be to be ambushed by one of these zingers, if any one of these quotes that I'm about to list come out of her mouth, you'd do best to pull the plug on the whole deal right then and there, bow out gracefully and cut off all future contact.

Keep in mind that she won't like it when you take control and throw a monkey wrench in her plan. Why not? Because she's not getting to drop you the way she was planning to. Well, tough turkey I say. Let her, protest, whine or blame you whatever she wants to (As you stand your ground and refuse to comply with her agenda, you may see a dark side of her come out that you never knew was there.)

And don't get sucked into this "We need to have "closure" B.S. "Closure" is Womanese for; Let's have a long talk where I can sell you on why it makes sense that we need to not be together so that I don't have to feel like the "bad guy."

So, here is a list of "The Top 5 Female Brush Off Phrases" that are most frequently used by the lovelies who are gently and politely telling you that your contract is terminated and it's time to take a hike.

Whether the two of you have been together for two months or for two years, any of these phrases uttered from your partners pretty, pouty lips spell doom and destruction for the relationship.

So don't go into denial or scramble to talk her out of it when you get slammed with one of these. If she uses any of theses terms it means her Interest Level has sunk below the critical 50% mark and all the talking and counseling in the world ain't gonna make one iota of a difference. (Not even a quarter of an iota.)

Roscoe, as you've probably already surmised, your gal already hit you with one of the most common, textbook classics, so we'll put it at the top of the list.


ONE) "I think that we're really just in different places in our lives…."

TWO)" My plate is just so full. You know, I've got a lot of pressure at work and my sick mother to take care of and my volunteer church activities and my acting class. There's really no room in my life for a relationship now." I'm just not ready for a relationship…..".(Add in your own variation here.)

THREE)" I think we need to take some time off." And the Variation:" I need some space right now."

FOUR) "Something has changed. I don't even know what it is." Which often leads into the dreaded: "IT'S NOT YOU…… IT'S ME."

FIVE) and my favorite, "I love you, but I am not happy."

Remember, guys: never try to keep someone who doesn't want to keep you.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me at or call (800)  404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"

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