CAN A MAN BRING THE SPARKS BACK INTO A LOVELESS MARRIAGE?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Hey, Doc:
I've heard a lot about your laws of relationships from a few of my single friends. They
claim that it works even when a guy is married, but I have to tell you I've got my doubts.
Now here's my dilemma: Lisa and I have been married for over 10 years. At first our
intimate relationship was great - she was always ready to be affectionate, and so was I.
Then, four years ago, my son Cameron was born. Immediately afterward there was a change in
our relationship. Doc, it was like the difference between night and day. Lisa was no
longer interested in spending romantic time together. I never had any affairs, always came
straight home after work, and always provided for the kid. (By the way, my wife works too,
at a quite demanding managerial job.) So I don't see how Lisa could have any complaints on
any of those counts.
Well, I tried to be patient, figuring she'd eventually come back to the way she used to
be, but time went on and the situation never improved. Lisa is always tired (believable,
but then I am, too, and we both split the child-minding duties when we're not working at
our jobs), has a headache, doesn't feel well, or "just doesn't feel like it
tonight." Etc. I've come right out more than once and asked her point blank if she's
no longer attracted to me. No, that's not it, she insists. She's just overwhelmed by
having to take care of the kid and her job. Again, fine and well, but why am I ready to
get intimate all the time? (And incidentally, when we do actually have a romantic
interlude once every few weeks, it's very, very good, so I can't complain about the
quality.)
Doc, what it boils down to is this. I've been thinking about a divorce. And it's not
because I don't love my wife - I do. I just can't stand being frozen out any longer. I've
actually turned into a slavering dog over the past few years, begging and whimpering for
affection. This isn't right. It's diminishing whatever self-esteem I have left, and if I
don't do something, there'll be nothing left of me. What really keeps me here is my little
boy - I would hate for the three of us to become sociological statistics, the victims of
one more pathetic marital breakup. But my fear is that once a negative pattern has been
established - me begging for attention and my wife refusing - it's impossible to change.
What do you think?
Jack - who's just about to file
Hi Jack,
First of all, let me assure you that my principals work for everyone who follows them. The
foundations of my method are valid for all women, period, married or single, young and
old, beauties and plain Janes. So don't worry - I'm going to help you out here.
Now here's what I want you to do, Jack. You're not going to touch your wife - at all.
You're going to back off. You're going to transform yourself from that "slavering
dog" into a self-respecting guy. Practice some self-control, Jack. That's where it
all starts.
Next, you're going to start setting time aside to date your wife. Date your wife? That's
exactly what I said. Every Saturday night you're going to hire a babysitter and make sure
that the two of you have guaranteed time alone with each other. And there's more. Once a
month you and your wife are going away for the weekend by yourselves, no kiddie in tow,
got it? I want you to plan this out, write it on the calendar, and get organized here.
Because right now you're not organized, and you don't know how to schedule your life.
But Jack, I don't want you to feel bad, because you've got a lot of company out there.
Most American married guys are in your same predicament. Like a married friend of mine
said to me once when I asked him what he was up to: "Well, I'm married," he
smiled wryly, "so I don't have sex." And with a 50%-plus divorce rate, you can
just imagine how miserable all the women who can't get out of their bad marriages are,
too.
But I'm going to do my best to save your marriage, Jack. If your wife has at least 51%
Interest Level left in you, we can turn things around with this program.
The part that bothers me the most, guy, is that she decided against being romantic after
your son was born. Because it's usually women with an Interest Level hovering between 40%
and 49% who cut off intimacy after the kids arrive. And that dismal figure means that a
man is in more trouble than he even realizes - he might be on his way out and doesn't even
know it. What it means is that he's flopped at showing his male strength qualities -
Confidence, Control, and Challenge. Women who stay with a man at that Interest Level are
building up a well of resentment, until her Interest Level plummets all the way down to
39%. At 39%, she's gone - history. Women with 40% to 49% Interest Level are usually
Professional Daters - not in love with a guy, but willing to fleece him for whatever she
wants - in the case of married women, usually kids and his every last cent.
Let's hope that you haven't hit that point in your wife's eyes, Jack.
Remember guys, the principles work even if you're miserably married.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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