DOES LOVE ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SUCH A MYSTERY?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Here's my predicament. Currently my girlfriend of two years is attending college some two
and half hours away. On the whole, this has turned out to be a good deal, as I get to see
Liz at least every other weekend. The problem is that there's this guy at her college who
she says she has feelings for, and they're growing a little stronger, especially recently.
Doc, I know my girlfriend is in love with me because she tells me so all the time and acts
like she does. In fact, she constantly compares me and this other guy, and when it comes
down to it, I'm better than he is in every category -- except for how I treat her. Liz
really can't keep her hands off me, and constantly reminds me of how much more attractive
I am, how much smarter I am, and how much more funny I am than this other guy. And the
list goes on. Up until now I couldn't even be jealous because I felt so superior to the
other guy and didn't even view him as a threat. But in the end, he does treat her a little
better, and all she wants is to be happy.
Now don't misunderstand me, Doc. I treat Liz very well and she knows it. But I can
honestly say that I probably don't treat her quite as well as this other guy. While he
does have very little going for him, he treats Liz like a goddess, waiting on her hand and
foot, doing whatever she wants to do, complimenting her, etc.
Liz is very religious and she's much more mature than most girls her age (she's 20). This
is one of the reasons I fell in love with her in the first place. I actually thought that
we were beyond the games of mystery, being a Challenge, etc. and other strategies you
recommend. This girl is a classic example of marriage material and I would truly hate to
let her go.
My question to you is this: should I just learn to treat her better (and I'll be the first
to admit I could stand a little improvement in this area), or can you recommend another
alternative? Should I be worried about losing her? Or should I just let her go?
Billy - who is just a wee bit confused
You have a girlfriend who's 150 minutes away from you, practically living on top of a guy
who she has increasing Interest Level in, and you tell me that on the whole it's turned
out to be a good deal? I have to hand you one thing, pal - you're really funny! In fact
you're going to be the next Rodney Dangerfield! And what you've got in common with Rodney
is that you don't get any respect either.
Billy, I hate to break this to you: your girl isn't in love with you. Because girls don't
love two guys at the same time. Never. That's a rule set in stone. Yet you believe her
when she says that she does. If she told you that two and two equaled five, would that
make it true? As Brother Love would say, "These ladies work the man's ego with the
skill of an acclaimed artist!"
(By the way, when Liz compares you to her college admirer, you should turn around and
compare her to your ex-girlfriend. Tell her that she's got it all over your ex, except
that your ex had longer legs! See how she likes being on the receiving end of the same
Billy, just maybe you underrated your competition - that's not a real smart tactic in war!
Remind me not to ask you to fetch the ammo while I drag the machine gun up the hill,
'cause I got a feeling you're not gonna be there! As my cousin Fast Eddie Love once put
it, "Be careful when you turn your back on the other guy!"
Nevertheless, I'm a just a little suspicious of all these claims that your girl is getting
treated so royally when you're not around. Did you plant a video camera in her dorm room
to spy on her and the other guy? Or are you just buying everything this girl shovels into
your mouth? In other words, where's the evidence? As I've told you guys again and again,
you've got to be a love cop on "Love And Order!" Give me a few specifics!
Without the specifics, we're like the Yankees trying to hit a Josh Beckett fastball -
we're swatting at the wind! Did it ever occur to you that just maybe she's manipulating
you for her own ends with this line of malarkey?
But let's grant that this guy really is doing everything, including washing her dog, for
Liz and making you think you should be doing the same. I don't know about her being
religious, and I don't know about her being mature. What I do know is that she sure as
heck knows men - she's got two idiots dangling on a string!
Now, as to your main question, which is whether or not to let Liz go. Here's my question:
how can you let her go when she's already basically gotten rid of you? Let's face it,
Billy - she's come right out and told you that her Interest Level in the other guy is on
the way up. What does that mean for her Interest Level in you? Duh! No mystery here. No
mystery here at all.
What you should do is this, dude. Tell Liz to take a hike and go and memorize The Dating
Dictionary. It's the only way to really get you on track.
Remember, guys: If you only read her actions, you'll never be confused.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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