HOW DO YOU GET HER TO COOL HER JETS?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
My problem is a little unusual. Im looking to you for some good advice.
I was dating Samantha for about seven months before she had to go out of state to attend
the best university business program in the country. (Shed already been accepted
before she even met me.) She said that if shed met me beforehand, she would have
accepted another offer she got that was closer to home, but as it is shes going to
be gone for a little over a year. Weve been doing the long distance dating thing for
about four months now and shes always talking about how she wants to marry me. As
far as calling and e-mailing me, she is completely consistent. I fly to see her and she
flies to see me once a month. Once she finishes the program, our goal is to go to graduate
school in the same city. In other words, things are going fine between us, but I have two
concerns about our relationship.
1. Samantha constantly asks me when we are going to get engaged. She says it in a joking
way, but I know that shes serious. My question is, how should I respond? Im
completely in love with this girl and want to marry her, but what is the correct response
to keep her Interest Level up? (Sometimes I joke that we should go to Las Vegas tomorrow.
Other times Ill give her a more serious answer and say that were headed in
that direction. But Im not sure that it would be the best idea to tie the knot so
2. Samantha cries at least twice a week when were on the phone about how she wants
me to pretty much drop everything right now and come and live with her. She tells me that
I wont have to pay for anything, and that I can just live in her apartment. This
week she took it a step further and gave me a sort of indirect ultimatum by telling me
that she didnt know how she was going to deal with living apart from me for a whole
year. You need to move down here right now, she said. I found myself a little
panic-stricken at the idea.
Doc, how should I respond to this pressure? Our plans for the future sound fine to me as
they are Samantha finishes her program and the two of us go to grad school
together. I tell her to relax about whats going on, but she insists that she misses
me entirely too much to even concentrate on her work. I really hope you can help me here,
Doc, before I do something stupid.
Keith who doesnt know what he should do with her
Let me start off by saying congratulations, man. I have to take my hat off to you --
youve got Samantha exactly where you want her. Your goal should be to keep her right
One very positive point we shouldnt lose sight of right up front is that Samantha
said that had she met you before getting her out-of-state offer, she would have made a
different choice and stayed closer to home. Do women with low Interest Level talk like
that? No way only women on the other end of the Interest Level spectrum do. So this
is about the strongest indication you can have of her high Interest Level assuming
shes telling the truth.
The right thing to do is let Samantha know that the two of you will get engaged after she
comes back from school. This girl is straining at the leash like a hungry Doberman --
shes completely gone over you and cant wait to get back to you. And since
youre deeply in love with her, it makes sense to take that step. Its okay to
give in to your girl here, buddy. (But make sure that she understands that she still has
to be a nice girl when shes away at school, otherwise there will be no engagement.
Remember old Pavlovs dog.)
Dont worry about keeping her Interest Level up, pal. Youve already pumped it
into the stratosphere like a helium balloon shes going crazy for you right
now! Youre actually underrating her Interest Level, Keith. If this girl were any
more nuts over you, shed have to be committed. But dont you go getting bent
out of shape or going gaga over the situation. Hey, youre not tying the knot just
yet -- youre only buying time by telling your babe youll get engaged when she
The reason Samanthas begging you to move in with her right now is not because
shes a rigid or structured or hardheaded female, which is where most ugly ultimatums
usually come from. Shes doing this because her Interest Level is hitting the high
nineties. Lets face it, man; shes ready to pay for everything. (Gee, Im
impressed, Keith. Shes gotta be the first woman in the history of mankind to make
that statement!) And so you reacted, at least on the inside you didnt
practice Self-Control. Hopefully, you didnt say anything to her at that moment.
Its okay to feel panic-stricken, but its not good to express it verbally to
the one you love. As General Love puts it, Never show weakness at the critical
But dont lose any sleep over all this pressure. Samanthas
bluffing. Shes not going anywhere without you, Keith, as long as you keep playing
your cards right.
Reassure her that since youve already got four months of being apart out of the way,
youve only got eight more to go. Youre talking, youre e-mailing, and
youre seeing her every fourth week. Tell her to keep her pants on! When she whines
that she cant concentrate without you being there, tell her what my cousin Fast
Eddie Love would tell her: Honey, youre only a human being, and I
Forget about doing anything stupid, Keith dont do anything different, period.
Just keep doing what youre doing, because youre doing just about everything
right. Relax youve got no problems. Just remind Samantha that if shes a
good, patient girl for the next eight months, youll reward her with that diamond.
That will keep her content.
Remember, guys: its only okay to come on heavy after she does.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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