WHEN IT COMES TO A DATE, DOES NO ALWAYS MEAN NO?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I need you to straighten me out on something.
When a woman says No, does it always really mean No????? Im not talking
about intimacy here. Im simply referring to asking a girl out on a date. Ive
had girls in the past decline or pass up the opportunity only to accept a date later on.
Some of these girls werent even involved with someone else, but my suspicion was
that they said no just to be difficult, and eventually they gave in and it turned out that
they wanted to do it all along.
Recently I asked a Greta out. We know each other from various clubs that we both go to.
She told me that shes really busy and trying to get her life together, whatever that
means, so she couldnt. At the same time this female has flirted outrageously with
me, danced with me, and also given me outright hints as to where shes going to be on
certain nights. My approach after getting blown off for the date is to continue talking to
her whenever I see her, but not mention going out for the time being. Frankly, Im
waiting for her to give me a big signal on her own, since she knows that I like her and of
course Ive already asked her out. I figure that if she wants to go out shell
make it obvious, and then I can go forward.
Doc, my question is this: why do some women decline dates even though they arent
going out with anyone else? Im talking about situations where the woman shows at
least some interest but then declines when you ask her out. (Im not talking about
the females who simply think youre repulsive.) Is it the chase that these women
want? Or is it maybe that they think a guy is a player and just looking for a one-night
stand, and the only way for her to find out if you really like her is if you come back for
more and stick with it. I understand your theory that annoying a woman will only get you a
restraining order, but were talking about a woman who declines but continues to send
out positive vibes. Whats your take on this? Obviously some women decline but really
want you, or they reconsider, because Ive seen it happen.
One last thing. Any hints about how I should handle Greta? Thanks in advance.
Richard who cant figure em out
Cant figure em out, huh? Boy, thats the understatement of the year.
Hey, Rich why in the world would you ask a woman out a second time after shes
already turned you down the first time? Thats what you should really be asking --
yourself. Usually when a woman says No, shes less apt to be interested
in you, much less ask you out, than a woman whos never asked you out or who
hasnt already rejected you. Right? Or am I missing something here?
Pal, how do you know all these females who decline dates arent involved with someone
else? Do you really go by what they say? Golly gee, youre the kind of fellow who
probably still believes in Santa Claus and his elves, too! Welcome to the wonderful world
of Womanese, my man!
Im going to let you in on a big secret here women dont give in on
anything. Ever. Especially in the dating game. They operate only from their own
self-interest. So if a girl likes you, its stupidity on her part to be difficult to
you. In other words, shes going to make it easy for you when shes interested,
Now, lets move on to your next problem. Greta, you report, needs to get her
life together. Im going to let you in now on a second invaluable secret.
Whenever you hear those words, as my cousin Fast Eddie Love would say, You should be
doing a world-record sprint in the other direction! It means shes a woman to
avoid at all costs! The last thing in the world you want to be doing with this babe who
claims to be in disarray is dancing with her. She keeps flirting with you -- but
wont go out with you! -- so why dance with her? Its a waste of your time,
Richard. You could be spending that valuable time trying to hook up with someone
whos truly interested in you.
(And another thing, guys nightclubs arent the only place to meet women.
Lets face it: this is where game-playing is the rule rather than the exception, and
in the shadows of a nightclub its not always easy to figure out whats what.
Here are some great, tried-and-true places to meet women: yoga class, wine-tasting clubs,
swing-dance class, cooking class, acting class, New Age seminars, comedy improv workshops,
weddings, and volunteer activities. The atmosphere is much more wholesome, and youll
do much better at those places, guaranteed.)
To your claim that Greta was dropping major hints about where she was going to be on
certain nights, my response is -- so what? If it wasnt just your fantasy that she
was clueing you in, it doesnt amount to anything solid anyway. What you should have
been going after was her home phone number, and if youd gotten it, you should have
called her. Makes sense, doesnt it?
Now the one thing you did do that Ill give you a little credit for is continuing to
talk to Greta after she blew you off it showed some class, and that you
werent completely destroyed by her rejection. On the other hand, lets be real
here, Richard that wasnt the reason you were doing it. You were merely biding
your time until you could go in for another whipping.
And go in for another whipping you did. Richard, Richard, Richard why would Greta
give you a big signal following on a NO? Dont you get it
that the odds are already twice against you? Of course she knows you like her! Not because
you asked her out the first time, but because after she turned you down you asked her for
another beating. Shed have to be blind and dumb to not know youre after her --
the problem is, she has no respect for you. And by the way, guy -- where are you coming by
all this assumption of power and position with this woman when you have absolutely zilch
evidence that she gives a farthing for you?
The Reality Factor says that women decline dates because theyre not interested in
you. And that theyd rather be alone. Theyd rather look at an empty
refrigerator than go out with you. Which means that they dont even want to use you
for a free meal. Thats pretty bleak. Period. Simple as that.
So why do Greta and the others like her supposedly lead you on? Because women flirt.
Theyre born flirts. Theyre just having fun. Big deal. It means nothing to
them, and it shouldnt mean anything to you. Ill bet that if I opened
Websters and looked up the word imagination, Id see your face
right there next to the definition.
Youre right, Richard, harassing a woman will only get you a restraining order, so at
least youve learned something from my principles. So lay off Greta. Wouldnt it
have been better if youd gotten negative vibes from her and copped her home phone
Remember, guys: only like somebody if they like you first.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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