WOMEN SHOULD LEARN TO KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Ive been dating Teri for nine months now, and were currently engaged. I love
her very much. Weve both been divorced (Im 34 and shes 32), and
everything seems absolutely wonderful, except that Im having difficulty with her
ex-lovers. Not with the reality of them, but, specifically, I cant seem to get the
image of her being intimate with them out of my mind. The two guys I think most about are
her two most recent partners. Whenever I find myself thinking about it, I try to think
about something else -- anything else, work, whatever, but it never really goes away. She
didnt date either of these guys for more than a month, and it just makes me mad that
she gave away her intimacy so quickly to guys who clearly didnt deserve it, who
hadnt earned it. As a footnote, she has been with around 30 guys in her life, and
Ive been with three women (I was married for 15 years).
We have an incredible and active romantic life, and Im not insecure about my
performance, and she tells me repeatedly that I am her best. (And no, it doesnt make
me feel better that she is good because she has had so much practice.)
Im not really concerned about her leaving me, or cheating on me, or desiring other
men. She is a Giver, makes all sorts of special efforts for me, and is extremely loving
and attentive. She does not have any communication at all with any of her exes, and I
trust her completely. The issue is in my own head. On our very first date, she told me
about the five or six guys she had been with over the past two years; clearly thinking it
would be no big deal. She has been kicking herself for the past nine months for those five
minutes of conversation.
Even now, as Im typing this, I am picturing her with Jack, and it makes
me want to punch something, even though she didnt know I even existed at the time.
Whenever we talk about it, it makes her feel embarrassed and slutty, and I
dont want to do that to her, and Im trying to keep my moods to myself. I
dont want this to taint our relationship, because she really is the one that I plan
to spend my life with. I have begun to see a counselor, but any words of advice from you
would be greatly appreciated.
Marvin - who desperately wants to get rid of the ghosts
Ill get to you in a moment.
First I have to something to say to you ladies out there. Please, KEEP YOUR TRAPS SHUT. It
really amazes me that you profess to understand men; you know that they want someone
relatively unsullied (even though youre 85 years old and youve been out with
the 181st Airborne), yet you go shooting your mouths off about your lovely pasts! Think
about it: why is it that telling the guy youre dating that youve been intimate
with somebody else (which in some corner of his mind he already suspects) is necessary?
Worse, why do you have to go and lean on it so heavily?
Sadly, this is the legacy of the Feministas. Youre equal to any ill-mannered
jerk of a man, so go on and act just like him! they preach to you. But ladies, your
guy is already wondering, Has this girl been out with only one other guy besides me,
or has she been out with 288 others? So how does all this intimate revelation help a
man feel like more of a man? How does going out with two divisions of Army Rangers make
you more attractive as a female? How will it make a guy feel better towards you that on
Friday night you were so happy the football team won that you jumped into the showers with
So please, ladies, in the future, fake it. Pretend that youve got a little bit of
lily of the valley in you. I dont care how tough a guy is, he doesnt want to
hear or know about your wild adventures with other guys, he wants to rationalize to
himself, You know, I dont think this ones been around the block a
hundred times like all the others! This ones odometer only reads 188,000 miles
instead of 200,000!
Now, back to you, Marv. Listen to me, pal: learn to live with it, or get out. Wake up --
Teris previous flames deserved her intimacy, all right, because they got it! What
youre really lamenting is how it should have been earned by them and wasnt.
And those 30 guys she mentioned are only the ones you know about, friend. So I dont
doubt youve got an active and incredible romantic life shes had enough
practice, like you said, whether or not you like it. Or maybe shes just a natural.
Marvin, I have to tell you that your Teri sounds like a very classy lady. Its really
elegant that on the first date this gals blabbing to you about all the studs
shes been to bed with in the past few months. Wow -- and you fell in love with her?
You overlooked this when you decided to get involved with her? Come on, guy,
somethings wrong with your head!
Now Im not passing judgment on her or her private life. Im not saying she was
wrong for doing what she did. But if your sister were dating some guy, wouldnt you
advise her, Sis, stop bragging about sleeping in a different house on fraternity row
Teri should be embarrassed. She should be feeling slutty. Thats the
problem in America today -- nobody has any shame anymore. And she should feel shame.
But her bigger problem, as Fast Eddie Love would say, is
that shes got a BIG YAP.
Dude, this has been driving you crazy for nine months out of the nine months youve
known Teri. It has already tainted your relationship. You cant get shake it.
Youve got a problem. Anything that eats away at you -- and I dont care if
its that she cleans her teeth with a toothpick in a restaurant is a problem.
So youre right to seek out someone whos got a sheepskin on his wall. My job
isnt to figure out whats going on between your ears, but I can tell you this:
if it makes you miserable, it makes you miserable. You have to ask your girl, Honey,
if youre trying to make me feel good, why would you even bring this stuff up?
Whats going on in your mind?
And now that the cats out of the bag, its going to bother you for the rest of
Good luck, Marvin. Youre going to need it.
Remember, girls: down deep, he wants a virgin.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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