IS IT YOUR KIDS SHE DOESNT WANT OR YOU?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
April and I were together for over a year and a half. When we broke up, we still loved
each other very much. Her reasoning was that I am a single father with custody of four
kids and an ex-wife who is largely absent from her kids lives. April is very
intimidated by taking on this kind of responsibility and ultimately felt she couldnt
do it. She also felt that I couldnt give her the time she needed, and so the
However, we remained friends for a short while and then ceased all contact. Neither of us
could take the total separation and we started to talk again and date with the agreement
(at her insistence) that we are still broken up. However -- again her idea --
we are exclusive as far as intimacy goes. She told me that she dated a couple of guys when
we were apart, but she found that their qualities werent as strong as mine, which
brought her closer to me. We have now been dating again for about three
months. I have been bending over backwards to show her how much I love her and that our
relationship can work. I give her cards, flowers, and compliments and have been pretty
much at her beck and call. I know that this can be dangerous too (too nice, too sweet, no
Lately Ive had a strong gut feeling that she may be losing interest in me, and that
maybe shes seeing someone else. Shell be very loving one day and the very next
day shell seem distant or indifferent. There have been times when it seems like she
really doesnt want that long kiss or much of a kiss at all. Once in awhile
shell bring up the fact that were broken up. When
Im at her place and her phone rings, shell ignore it or just look at the
caller ID and act paranoid. When we were together, her phone hardly ever rang,
but since weve been just dating, it seems to ring a little more often.
The other night she answered and told the caller she would call back later. She told me it
was her mother, though when she was on the phone, it didnt sound like someone
talking to her mom.
However, even during her cold stages, April tells me that she loves me, calls
me pet names, etc. She even mentions the future, i.e., Someday well have to do
this, or mention doing something together two or three months down the road. In
other words, she leads me to believe that we could possibly have a long-term future
I always trusted April 100% throughout our relationship. But now I find myself agonizing
over whether shes lying to me or if shes seeing someone else. I find myself
overanalyzing and obsessing over every little thing she does. I wonder what shes
doing on her lunch hour, what time shes getting home from work, and what she meant
when she said something fairly trivial. I know this sounds like the ranting of a madman,
but it has been really hard and love does make you crazy.
I dont ask April questions or pressure her because I know it can make things worse.
But Im getting to a point where I feel I have to talk to her about all these things
Doc, from your experience, do you think that Im a victim of my own imagination and
theres really nothing to worry about? Or do you think she is being dishonest with me
and stepping out behind my back? Is she protecting herself so that if we truly break up
she wont be as hurt? Is she stringing me along and just waiting to find someone
else? Or do you think its the fact that I have all those kids?
Help me, Doc.
Spencer - who cant take this much longer
You and April still love each other very much? You mean to tell me that she has 95%
Interest Level in you yet goes ahead and breaks up with you anyway? Im scratching my
head here -- does this picture make any sense at all?
Know what, Spence? It doesnt. April knew you had four kids when you started going
out with her. She didnt drop you and your four kids when she had high Interest Level
in you, did she? But when a womans interest flags, shes going to concoct an
excuse to distance herself. In this case, it was your kids.
The only reason Aprils back with you is because she cant make out elsewhere.
Youre back with her because you miss her. So your agendas are different. And by the
way, if April had gone out with 102 guys instead of just a couple when she was doing her
comparisons, you might have a leg to stand on. But as it is, shes just getting
Your main problem, Spencer, is that youre bending over backwards all the time.
Youre what I call Wimpus Americanus, the most pathetic species of U.S. male. Doing
things for your girlfriend in itself isnt dangerous at all. But I dont see you
giving me a laundry list of all the things Aprils done for YOU, other than smell
good and look pouty and hot in her miniskirt!
Now lets face reality here, guy. As the worlds top authority on women,
thats my job to help you face reality. When April tells you about all the
stuff that might happen down the road, its nothing but Womanese for
chopped liver leftovers. The odds of it happening? Zilch. See how she works your
ego? With the skill of an acclaimed artist. Never will a woman tell a guy, My
Interest Level in you is only in the 30s and 40s! Shell blame your kids,
problems in school, money worries, that her moms sick, everything except the real
reason shes tired of you: My Interest Level in you is in the commode!
From what youre reporting, its obvious that Aprils both lying to you AND
seeing someone else. Youre overanalyzing and obsessing because your gut is telling
you that everything she says is a falsehood. And she knows youre so gone over her,
so whipped, youll eat any crap she throws out.
Sure, love can make you temporarily crazy. But when a woman is in love, she doesnt
go crazy, she becomes submissive. She doesnt want to see other guys. Shes
consistent in her behavior. She doesnt send confusing signals. Time to wake up and
smell the jungle gardenias!
Pressuring April now isnt going to hurt anything, Spence. Because, as Fast
Eddie Love says, Once her Interest Level hits 49%, it aint ever
comin back! And by the way, have you ever noticed that when a womans
Interest Level is in the 90s that you never have to have those painful talks?
I wonder why that is, guys? Duh!
Spencer, your list of questions tells me that youve gotten about halfway to the
truth. You are a victim of your imagination, but theres everything to worry about!
Women with low Interest Level dont mind lying. Aprils just convalescing with
you because she went through a couple of turkeys, but shell be out looking again
soon. You finally made the truth-o-meter sing when you asked if she was stringing you
along until she finds someone else. BINGO!
Let me tell you something, friend if you owned oil wells in Texas, you could have
22 kids and it wouldnt matter to April.
Remember, guys: when its over, its over.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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