ONLY THE WOMAN KNOWS THE RIGHT TIME
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Ive been dating Eve for a few months now and Im a little confused. Our romance
really took off one month into our relationship, but only recently did she reveal to me
her secret: that she is still legally married and waiting for her divorce
papers to come through. (She was married for three years, and has been separated for six
months.) She does not contact her ex; in fact, he does not even know where she lives. (No
kids, by the way.)
I see Eve twice a week, and she stays with me at least one of those two times. We have
great fun together and she is extremely affectionate with me. She has hinted many times to
friends and family that she has long-term plans for me.
This past New Years Day I made the Jack Daniels-induced blunder of asking if she
wanted to be my girlfriend. She politely said she was not ready, so I quickly switched
subjects. Two days later we went out again, and she told me how only now is her life
finally settling down again. (Her divorce is finally coming through, she bought a car,
moved out of her Dads home into her own place, and just got a job.)
Eve shows a lot of interest in me (even all my buddies whove met her agree), but she
is reluctant to commit to being my steady, even after acknowledging that she is not seeing
anyone else, and wanting us to be more romantically close than ever.
At the same time, sometimes she makes comments that reveal she appreciates being single
and spending time with her girlfriends. She mentioned that her ex was a control freak who
did not let her have friends, and moved her to a solitary house in a small town.
As a result, Ive pulled back a little. But recently, on my birthday, Eve came to my
place and gave me over $100 in gifts, even though shes not doing so great
Doc, I want Eve to be mine. What should I do? Is it worthwhile to wait and keep being a
Challenge? Am I rushing, or am I wasting my time? Finally, was the fact that she
didnt tell me she was married a simple sin of omission, or should I be more
concerned about it?
Tracy - who needs some expert guidance
First of all, calm down, guy! Youre in much better shape here than you realize. Let
I dont think a woman should have to spill that shes going through a divorce on
the first date. I dont think its any guys business and,
vice-versa, any girls business. As Interest Level climbs in a relationship, then
its the proper time to bring up that sort of information. And Eve has done just
that. Shes been appropriately open and honest. She isnt hiding anything.
Remember, its not like the two of you have been together for a year and a half and
shes been holding out on you for some shady reason. In other words, the point when
she told you about her marital situation was in proportion to the time youve been
The reason Eves so affectionate with you is because her Interest Levels way up
in the 90s. No kids? Doesnt see her ex? This is very rare, my friend. You got a
pretty clean deal on this one, Trace. I hope you realize how lucky you are.
Instead, youre going after the wrong thing. Youre looking for a negative
because she wont verbally commit, but her actions indicate her real feelings, which
is all that counts. Eve could tell you that she hates you, but as long shes with you
all the time and nobody else, thats all that matters! And the icing on the cake is
that shes spending on you when shes not flush. Ive got news for you,
pal: women dont do that unless they really dig you.
The fact that Eve is freshly separated is whats scaring her. Shes just getting
out of a legal bind with what sounds like an abusive spouse, and when she hears you
insisting on new ties, she freaks a little. (Can you blame her?) As long as you get your
two days a week with her and shes all over you like white on rice, dont panic.
And dont pay attention to her chatter, because its just that nervous
To you Psych majors, the woman is supposed to ask you to be her boyfriend. This is where
youve got it backwards, Tracy. The only right time to find out if she wants to be
your steady is when she brings it up, not the other way around. That way there wont
be any mistakes and misinterpretations on your part.
You mention that Eves getting her life together. Hallelujah! You gotta love this
girl. Just look at all the proactive things shes doing to become independent and
self-sufficient. Some women milk their divorces (and their exes) for three or four years,
but Eves moving right on with her life, and not wasting any time doing it. She knows
that making mistakes is okay when you try and fix them quickly. She got rid of her husband
and fortunately hes not hanging around causing problems. And you still get your two
days a week together. This ones an ace, buddy.
You have to learn to ease off the verbal pressure, dude. Girls want to have girlfriends.
Eves husband was against that. And so when you bring up the notion of a commitment,
she fears shes going to lose her freedom again. (And by the way, she just mentions
the girls in passing -- shes not talking about them every five minutes or for hours
on end.) Its good that youre sensitive to what the ladys saying, but
your interpretation of her words is off.
As my cousin Fast Eddie Love would say, When it comes to a good woman,
dont look a gift horse in the mouth! And youve got a good one here. That
$100 worth of gifts says it all. She came to your place, shes broke, and shes
spending money on you. Now, is this girl a Giver or what? Does this girl have high
Interest Level? The answer is YES.
What you should do is this: stay a Challenge, keep your mouth shut, and stop trying to
rush the girl. She likes you a lot. You have nothing to worry about. Let her ask you for a
Remember, guys: only women know the right time.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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