SELLING THE GIRL NEXT DOOR
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
One of my friends who regularly reads your column told me that youre the guy to ask
about a problem Im having. I hope hes right, so here goes.
I sell computer equipment at an office megastore for a living. Currently I live in a
600-unit apartment complex with two swimming pools here in the South Beach section of
Miami, and a lot of the residents seem to be single. I run into them at poolside and in
the gym, but havent really gotten to know that many people, either girls or guys.
(Ive been living here for the past year, by the way.) Im 28 and single.
Ive never been married, incidentally, and am coming off a broken relationship with a
woman I dated for two and a half years. She dumped me because she needed to grow in
different directions and we were stagnating.
After a good year of trying to figure out why the relationship went south, I finally gave
up. The whole experience shattered my confidence, and I find myself sort of out of it when
it comes to striking up conversations with women Id like to get to know. I
dont know, maybe Im just completely inept. On the other hand, I do well enough
in my job, I move computers successfully, and sometimes I think that I should be able to
sell myself to women, too. Or does one not have anything to do with the other?
Anyway, Ive had my eye on Pamela (I found out her name when I checked her mailbox),
who lives three doors from me, ever since I moved in. This babe has it all in the looks
department shes at least an 8, maybe even a 9. Aside from flashing a smile
when shes coming or going, we dont have much contact, and Im at a loss
for what to do to get something going. By the way, I cant really tell if she has any
interest in me whatsoever, but Ive always been baffled by how to tell. Ive
seen friends of both sexes stop by her place, but never the same guy overnight, so I
figure shes up for grabs well, at least thats my fantasy.
So Doc, my question is this: when you want to get to know or date the girl next
door, how the heck do you actually do it? Its not that Im shy, exactly,
but its not easy to get the ball rolling when youre in such close proximity.
In fact, it can be harder than usual to pull it off because of that closeness. If
something goes wrong, youre stuck with having to live on top of each other.
Any tips on how I can get to know Pamela and save face if it doesnt work out would
be greatly appreciated. My friend swears by you, by the way.
Columbo - who could use some good techniques
You say youre been living in your place for a year and you dont know anybody,
so the first problem you have is getting yourself out there. Heres what I suggest
you do: go to the management of the company that owns the apartment complex and arrange to
give a speech on Challenge. Youre going to introduce yourself as Columbo, the
first man in 6,000 years to understand women. Youre going to put this
information on a flyer and stick it into everyones mailbox (with the approval of
management, of course!). What were doing here is giving you what I call Posture. The
Reality Factor says that having Posture means youre never begging.
You need Posture, Columbo, because of your recent painful experience. I just love women
like your ex. They always come up with some new variation of Womanese. But the great thing
about The System is that it enables you to see right through the doublespeak
like a superhero with laser vision. What your ex was really telling you, man, was that her
Interest Level in you was down at the bottom of a pothole.
As Sal The Fish Love would say, Women with high Interest Level never
want to hurt you. I feel sorry for you, Columbo, but you can take some comfort in
the fact that youre not rowing your boat alone. What happened to you happens to
millions of American men. They get clobbered by a woman, they havent a clue what to
do, they try to figure it out, and they spend money on books by love doctors that
dont work. Your problem, they advise you, is that youve got
to hit your head faster and harder against that wall! Their wimpy solution is buying
some overpriced trinket for the woman who tossed you. Its not going to work. It
never has, and it never will.
You want to know if there is any correlation between selling products and selling yourself
to women. My boy, you just asked me lifes grand question. The answer is an
unequivocal YES: one has EVERYTHING to do with the other. For years countless people with
impressive sheepskins have been handing out tons of erroneous, ineffective information on
relationships. While I detest the clichéd phrase thinking out of the box, I
did just that. I correlated sales to dating. Bingo.
Now, moving on to Pamela. You found out her name from her mailbox? Lets just hope it
was right next to yours, because if she spotted you snooping on her, youre out
forever, and the rest of our game plan means absolutely nothing. Ill tell you why:
women hate sneaks.
But do you know what you should say the next time you bump into her? Let me ask you
a question: what grade are you in? I dont care if your knees are shaking, guy
GET IT OUT. Practice in front of the mirror if you have to. The reason I say this
is because you dont know if Pamela has any interest in you. So were going to
eliminate any doubt by gauging her response. If she comes back and says Im in
kindergarten is that too young for you? you know youre in the game.
But you mention that Pamela flashes a smile at you. She did that for one of three reasons
(and this is where youre going to have to be like a detective on Love and
Order): 1) Because shes just a classy lady and youre her neighbor (but
thats all there is to it and its never going anywhere). 2) Because she has
positive Interest Level in you. 3) Because shes both classy and because she has
Now think about this. What if she saw you up on the podium at the microphone giving a
fascinating speech to a hundred people who came to see you as the love doctor who
understands women as you stand in for me? Youd have her eating out of your hand.
The point is that you date the girl next door by getting her to hit on you. Thats
what were trying to set up here, pal. We want her to think its her idea.
Were going to create the illusion that it just happened, so to speak.
Its called controlled spontaneity. And remember, as General Love would
say, Dating is war. All tactics are fair.
By the time this girl discovers you, by the time you allow her into your life, youre
going to own her, if you have any real chance with her at all. At the same time, though,
youre going to be smart and not put all your eggs in one basket. Youre going
to be hustling other women, especially right there in your backyard. Any time youre
around single honeys in your complex, youre going to practice on them. Our objective
is for Pamela to see you hanging around other females, and we want these others to be
having a good time, touching your arm, laughing, and cooing things like Oh, Columbo,
youre so funny! This tactic is going to make you as desirable as you can be to
Pamela. Youre going to be selling yourself.
So buddy, deliver your speech on why Challenge is the key to women and use all my jokes
out of The Dating Dictionary for laughs. You do that, and guaranteed youre on your
By the way, tell your friend he has really great taste in love doctors.
Remember, guys: if you want to be successful in your life, you have to learn how to sell
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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