DO NOT TALK ABOUT SEX!
Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I'm addicted to watching the show "Blind Date." Here in Los Angeles it plays
twice a day, once at six and then again at eleven. Each show is different and it is
absolutely fascinating to watch, even more so now that I have an understanding of
One of the things that has really struck me since I've gotten hip to your philosophy is
seeing how many different guys bring up the subject of sex or make sexual innuendoes on
the date. I would say that eight out of ten guys do it. And, just about every single time
they do, you can see the girl, their date, either cringe or back away or look disappointed
or annoyed or even get insulted, depending on the way that the guy brings up the subject.
I know that you say to never talk about sex at all during the first sixty days of dating.
When I heard that, I knew you were right but after watching many, many episodes of
"Blind Date I really see how it backfires every time. I have never seen it work to
the guy's advantage in any way. It's a stupid thing to do isn't it?
So why do us guys talk about sex on a first date so frequently? And why do we continue to
do it throughout the date even when it's blatantly obvious that the woman is getting
turned off? How have we all become so programmed to think that we have to be Mr. Sexy and
that women like that when they obviously don't?
Please, Doc, share your insights.
Donovan - who just wants to know why
I'm glad that your awareness level has gone up. You've done what most guys are unable to
do. You've set your ego aside. When you're able to do that, you can see things as they
really are, not how you think they should be. Way too many guys think that talking about
sex, nudity and private bodily functions on a first date, is a positive, helpful thing to
do. But, as we observe people's behavior from an objective perspective, the brutal truth
is revealed: talking about sex on a first date is destructive.
I'll tell you Donovan; I've watched numerous episodes of "Blind
Date" myself. It's quite entertaining and educational too. I'm able to determine, as
soon as the door opens, whether the guy has a chance or not, because I can read the
subtleties of body language. I can predict the outcome of the date way before he torpedoes
the whole deal by making an erotic innuendo in the first minute and a half.
So I definitely encourage you to continue watching the show. You can learn a great deal
from it. Keep fine tuning your body language reading skills, and see how early into the
segment you can 'call it' as to whether or not the guy is going to get a really nice kiss
at the end of the date. (The host almost always comments on the type of kiss the guy got
from the girl, or the absence of a kiss.)
And, yes indeed, it is absolutely mind boggling to see how many guys, time after time
after time, sabotage any chance they have with the woman by talkin' trash.
Here are some actual examples of the types of things guys say, from episodes of
"Blind Date" that were broadcast. They range from subtly uncool to quite crass
to downright disgusting:
"Where's the strangest place you've ever made love?"
"Have you ever considered working as a stripper?"
"I can see that you sure do take good care of your
"Have you ever run naked on the beach?
So how many different guys have you been with?"
"My oh my you do have a fine booty."
"You're a teacher? Hmmm - I guess every college freshman's fantasy is to have sex
with his beautiful teacher."
"So did you hear the one about the frog who couldn't stop farting?"
Yes, Donovan, the average guy seems to have the idea that if he
makes juvenile comments about his date's body, that she will think that he is clever and
confident. He thinks that she will experience him as being extra masculine and gutsy if he
tells a tasteless joke. But Mr. Macho Boy is an idiot. His behavior is having the opposite
effect of what he imagines, plus, he fails to read her negative signals, facial
expressions and body language.
How has the American male become brainwashed into thinking that this kind of behavior is
productive? I lay much of the blame on Hollywood and the Music Industry. In fictional
fantasy La La Land, the Hero gets away with all kinds of things that would never play in
real life. In Rap videos, the music star bumps and grinds and talks trash, while hordes of
gorgeous women do nothing but worship him. It doesn't take much exposure to this kind of
craziness to warp your values.
Hollywood brainwashing, along with a lack of positive mentors and role models for boys, no
fathers in the home and an overall lack of education about manners, are the other
contributing factors. Donovan, tell all your buddies that they do not gain anything by
talking about sex on a date. When they do, they do not become more interesting or charming
If a girl has super high Interest Level in a guy, then she'll overlook these kinds of
comments, but, THEY STILLL DO NOTHING to RAISE HER INTEREST LEVEL IN HIM! On the average
first date, the guy starts out with the girl having about 60 to 70 percent Interest Level
in him at best, so he cannot afford to go down that risqué' road.
Talk of sex or nudity or intimate bodily functions is high-risk activity. About 95% of the
time, nice girls, even ones who read Cosmo, don't want to talk about something so personal
and intimate with someone they don't know.
And think about this. How would you like if some guy went out with your little sister and
stated talking about "getting laid" on the first date? You'd want to punch his
lights out wouldn't you?
So, never bring up the subjects of race, religion, politics or sex on a date, because we
don't want you to get into an argument, and win, and then lower the woman's Interest
Remember guys, you never want to tell her what's really on your mind.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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