CAN YOU ALWAYS TELL WHY SHE DUMPED YOU?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Ive been seeing a 48-year-old woman, Lynne, for about a month. Professionally she is
a Mary Kay sales director. I am 39 and a personal trainer. Not that it matters, I guess,
but its more info for you. I know that you like to have as much as you can when
coaching, so maybe this will help.
Now heres my problem. So far Lynne and I have had four very nice dates. Things were
going great between us. She was very affectionate, was willing to become quite intimate,
and I was thinking of her as a long-term possibility. Last Thursday night I was told by a
friend about a great new Latin dance joint, so I thought Id drop in on Lynne at her
apartment and see if shed like to come out with me and practice some moves.
Since I didnt have my cell phone with me, I decided to just cruise over to her place
unannounced. The light in her apartment was on, but there was a car in the driveway beside
hers. I didnt know if knocking on the door was appropriate, especially since I
didnt recognize the car. It was dark outside, and from a distance I tried to get a
peek inside the apartment since the blinds were partially open. But I was only able to see
her, nobody else. As far as I could tell, she didnt spot me because Id stayed
at a distance. Unable to figure out what was going on inside, I just turned around and
When I got there, there was a message from Lynne telling me that she didnt want to
see me anymore. I called her back and left a message that her decision was fine by me, but
that Id like to pick up some of my things. She called back the next day and left a
message that I could pick them up on Saturday afternoon, and that she would leave them
outside her door.
Doc, I am at a total loss to explain what happened. At worst, if Lynne did see me outside
her apartment that night, she might have at least asked for an explanation as to what was
Of course, I will pick up my things but I am leaning towards no
contact with her whatsoever. However, I would love to hear your analysis of the situation.
From reading your articles its obvious to me that you always seem to figure out even
the toughest of problems. Enlighten me, please.
Wilson - who cant figure out what he did wrong
You tell me youve had four good dates with Lynne so far. The problem is, youve
got to get to nine dates. In general, if everything goes well for nine dates, youve
established a beachhead in the relationship. So four dates dont actually count
towards anything. Its a nice beginning, a good sign if you will, but at this point,
you really dont have the foundation with this lady for a long-term relationship. In
other words, you have nothing solid under your feet to justify your later actions.
Now, as to your movements on the night in question. First of all, Wilson, why didnt
you just go to a pay phone and call Lynne? Ever hear of Ma Bell? In this country she or
one of her competitors plants a pay phone every three blocks or so. Wouldnt that
have made more sense than turning yourself into a peeping tom? In the second place, when
did you hatch this casual drop in philosophy? Dude, YOU DONT JUST DROP
IN! The notion of calling beforehand is such a basic courtesy that its the very
first rule of etiquette. You just dont do unannounced, especially in the
Now, on the other hand, if youd been going out with this gal for four or five months
and she told you out of the blue, By the way, Wilson, theres no need to call
me -- if youre ever in the area, you just come on by because the door is always
open, then youve got the okay the approval -- to do it. As it was, you
didnt have the relationship and you didnt have the okay, so you were missing
two major necessities when you made your move. And you hadnt even gone to
Lynnes place yet! As my cousin Fast Eddie Love would say,
Youre dead in the water and you havent even gotten to the good
You know, pal, if this were a Hollywood movie, what you pulled would be fabulous. But it
doesnt work on the street. Just think of the nasty possibilities of your actions.
What if, perchance, Lynne or one of her neighbors spotted your car hidden there in the
shadows? What if one of her girlfriends or brothers or cousins, or even somebody who lived
down the street took down your license plate number, ran it past the local constabulary
where they happen to know one of the policeman, and he confirmed that Yup, its
Wilson snooping around all right! Then you can bet you punched your ticket to
Dumpville and Lynne was going to say Come and get your stuff!
No doubt thats what happened to you last week, Wilson. And youre surprised
Lynne doesnt want to see you anymore? Gosh, I dont know why! You would think
that Lynne would love the idea of a sleazy stalker lurking in the bushes jeez,
dont all girls?
But seriously, heres another thing that bothers me big time after four dates,
youre leaving already leaving stuff at this womans house? Doesnt sound
to me like youre any kind of Challenge -- sounds to me like youre moving in!
At least thats whats in your mind -- not hers.
Wilson, I would suggest that the first thing you do is hustle down to the nearest police
station and register yourself -- as a sex offender. With all the weirdoes, idiots, jerks
and lowlifes running around in our society today abducting little girls and such,
didnt it enter your mind when you were peeping through curtains that its not
exactly a solid dating tactic? As Rabbi Love says, Peeking into somebodys
window is bad enough when youre in the eighth grade, for a guy going on 40 its
definitely not kosher.
Remember, guys: If you want to get dropped, just drop in.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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