WHERE DO YOU GO TO MEET A GOOD ONE?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I know you deal mostly with the intricacies of dating and relationships, and for that
reason Im a little embarrassed to even write this letter. My problem, you see, is
much more basic. But since you seem to be open to tackling most any kind of situation,
Im going to take the chance and ask anyway. Here goes.
I am a 42-year-old male who was married for 20 years and am now in the final stages of my
divorce from Robin. (One child, by the way, and she lives with my soon-to-be-ex.) In all
the years I was married I never cheated on Robin, and for these last two Ive been in
a state of shock. Ive also been going back and forth with Robin (with the help of
various marriage counselors) in an attempt to save our marriage. Needless to say, it
Now that Im completely on my own, I find myself feeling totally inept when it comes
to women and dating. Instead of feeling the experience of my years, I feel dopier than an
eighth-grader whos never kissed a girl in his life. Add to this that Ive begun
to notice that the women that I meet seem to have no interest whatsoever in a man of my
age. I dont know, maybe this is just my imagination. All they seem to want is
vacuous guys under 30. But again, at this point this might only be my skewed vision of
To make a long story short, its a nightmare out there. Ive tried cultivating
women through the Internet, but when I actually meet them face-to-face, they look nothing
like their pictures. Ive come to the conclusion that nobody is honest. Ive
gone into a few bars and clubs and forget it. My skin isnt that thick yet I
feel like Im surrounded by schools of sharks.
Doc, Im attractive (I think), in great physical shape, educated (M.A.), financially
secure, humble, and blah blah blah. Im sure youve heard it all from other
guys. Since I work out of my home, I have extremely limited work-related social activity.
My question to you is, where the heck am I supposed to go to find quality women? I know
that Ill have to go through a certain number of them to find a single good one, but
I cant even seem to get into the game. Remember that movie Clueless? Thats me.
Any help you can give will be greatly appreciated, and no doubt appreciated by others like
George - wholl be alone again come Saturday night
My first piece of advice to you is to go easy on yourself. Sadly, there are lots of guys
in your boat, but its not the end of the world. And youve come to the right
place for coaching.
Before we leave the subject of your failed marriage, let me just say that I think marriage
counselors are great. But the Reality Factor says that theres one thing they
cant do, and thats bring a womans Interest Level back to life once
its gone south of 50% -- nobody can. The smart move here is to let sleeping dogs lie
and get on with your life.
Now, lets start with where you are right now. When a guy is married for 20 years --
in your case, from the time you were 22 until now hes locked in what I call a
time warp. In a sense, you were forcibly pulled out of society. You
havent the foggiest notion whats going on out there in the real world. When
you reenter the dating scene, you expect it to be like it was when you were 21, but baby,
its not. Its a much rougher, much tougher world out there nowadays. As Sal
The Fish Love puts it,
Ricky Nelson is dead! But thats okay -- well work around it. Stick
George, the fact is that its normal to be feeling dopey. Theres nothing wrong
with that. Again, think of the rock youve been under for the past two decades. I get
reams of e-mails from long-time married men between 35 and 55 who are going through
divorces, and their fix is the same. To you Psych majors, youre not a robot, so a
period of adjustment to the new reality is to be expected. STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP!
Youre just like a fish out of water -- you dont know whats going on and
youre trying to thrash yourself back into the water. Dont worry -- I will
teach you how to swim.
Now, your age. George, youre not 106. Youre only 42 theres still
hope! Sure, there are lots of women out there between 35 and 45 with fine figures made up
of various surgically upgraded body parts who walk around complaining,
Im (relatively) young and hot, so why would I want a 42-year-old geezer?
But George, 42 is not really an old geezer. There are women around between 35 and 42 who
will find you attractive. We just have to find you the right one. But at the same time,
you have to be packing your gear. Like General Love says, You cant go into war
without bullets. And thats what youre doing going into battle. If
you dont have the proper ammo when you go out looking for Miss Right, youll
get squashed like a bug. The ammo you need is contained in The System. All you
have to do is memorize everything in the Dating Dictionary.
Lets talk about the Internet. I get tons of e-mails from women, and they tell me
that -- believe it or not -- guys are dishonest too! So lets have some empathy for
the other half here, fellas. They ask me why you guys put up your high school pictures
when youre 50 years old. What youre running into, George, is the same thing
shes using her cheerleader snapshot from senior year and shes pushing
45. People change with time; thats why you always want to post the best current
professional photo of yourself because its the first thing shes going to see
when she brings up your file.
By the way, George, are you talking to interviewing -- these women on the phone
before you make the date to go to Starbucks? Are you finding out whether shes really
58, 132 pounds, and not 54, 182 pounds? Try to get as much
information as possible beforehand itll save you lots of time.
The only reason you should go to a bar or club is to have a good time with your buddy.
Its a mistake to get caught up in that scene. And forget Friday and Saturday nights.
If you want to do the bars, do them on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays when the
atmosphere is a little less competitive. But ultimately clubs and bars arent really
a good bet, because theyre the only places women go to pick up guys when they have
their shields up. Sounds like a contradiction to me, but thats the reality of the
George, youve listed all of your qualifications. But are you fun to be with? Have
you developed your sense of humor? That counts for more than anything when youre
trying to make a go of it in the dating game. Dont come off like a whipped loser,
even if thats how you feel. Remember my cousin Fast Eddie Loves advice:
If you can make em laugh, dude, its party time!
Where you want to go is to lunches, dinners, and meetings sponsored by various
womens groups on how to make your business better, how to be a successful
entrepreneur, how to enlarge your home-based business, etc. Therell be women there.
All kinds of women. Youll be like a weasel in a henhouse. Sit and talk shop with
them. Its here you can develop your sales presentation. Its here
youll find out which of your jokes work, and which dont. Think of these
functions as a great place to practice.
Other superb places to meet women are yoga class, wine-tasting clubs, swing-dance class,
New Age seminars (but watch out for the whackos), cooking class, comedy improv workshops,
acting class (again, be on Whacko Alert!), and weddings. You might also try some volunteer
But the very best way to determine where to go, George, is by asking yourself what hobbies
and pastimes interest you the most. Make a list of those. The ones that have the most
women involved are where you want to be.
Remember, guys: just because youre alone doesnt mean you have to be lonely.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
© Copyright DocLove DotCom, Inc.