WOULD ROD STEWART BUY HER WOMANESE?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I’ve got a little situation here. I’ve been dating Parker for three months now and
things having been going fine except for this one phone conversation the other night that
threw me for a loop. It revolved around her ex- boyfriend, who she still sees on a regular
basis. (They run a business together.) Anyway, she wanted to know if I felt comfortable
with that situation. The conversation then somehow shifted to the topic of cheating. She
asked me how I felt about it, and if I would ever take a girlfriend back if she cheated on
Well, I told her that I wouldn’t think twice about ditching that person since I wouldn’t
want to be with someone who was a backstabber. Parker was very upset with this response.
She then said that if I happened to cheat on her, she would take me back since she’s a
forgiving person and that I should see the good in people like she does. I sensed some
anger in her tone when she asked if I believe that people could change. I told her that I
wouldn’t want to take on the task of changing anyone and that I’m not a therapist.
This angered her further. She also said that things sometimes happen and that people make
mistakes, especially under the influence of alcohol. Then I asked if she had done anything
with her ex since we started dating, and her response was “Tonight?” (Meaning as
opposed to all the other nights!) I thought this was very strange. Then I asked if she
still has feelings for this guy and she said that there are no sparks between them, but
that she still finds him very attractive.
Then Parker confessed that her ex had asked her to stay over at his place about a week ago
but that he told her to take the bed and he’d sleep on the couch. To make the story a
little more interesting, she added that he said he respects what she has with me and
wouldn’t put her in a position where she would have to say no to him. And oh, that he’s
a very “physical” person.
Then she told me that she didn’t sleep over at his house that night after all. I had a
gut feeling that something happened between them and told her so. I requested some time to
myself to think about all this and she began to cry, but she really didn’t put up much
of a fight after I basically accused her of being a cheater. But she told me that I took
everything the wrong way because she just wanted to know how I felt about cheating. She
then told me to take as much time as I needed.
Doc, do you think I overreacted? Should I call Parker back? And the most important
question of all – do you think she cheated?
Kenyon - who can’t figure out what she was trying to say
Jeez, pal, you screwed up so many times I hardly know where to start! But we’ll wade
through your mess step by step anyway to see where you went wrong.
First of all, WHY IN THE WORLD ARE YOU TALKING TO THIS BABE ON THE PHONE? You should only
talk to a woman face to face. This demonstrates to me that you’re way too loose with her
and that you’re not abiding by my rules. So odds are you won’t keep Parker. And I also
tell you in the Dating Dictionary to never talk about other guys with a woman. And Parker
seems to be yakking about this ex of hers all the time! Instead of getting enmeshed when
she brings up his name, your response should be “Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.” And then you
change the subject.
But Parker and the other guy run a business together. So now here you are getting involved
with someone who still sees her ex on a regular basis! Why is she maintaining a tie to
him? Why didn’t she cut the business in half if it was truly over between them? Why didn’t
she buy him out or vice-versa? These are the questions you have to ask, dude. You have to
be like a forensic scientist at a crime scene. You have to be the equivalent of Sam
Waterston on Law And Order (except that you’ll be a love cop on Love And Order). And you
have to be very, very specific, and think about and dissect the evidence.
When Parker asked if you felt comfortable with her situation, she was trying to put you on
the defensive. To you Psych majors, women are master intimidators. It was a no-win
situation for you. If you say you’re comfortable with it, you’re lying straight
through your teeth. If you say you’re not, then you’re also doing something wrong
because now you’re being insecure. So it’s a very intimidating, aggressive question.
(Nice girl, this Parker, right? She sure knows how to calm a guy’s fears about the
competition! What a prize!) So what you should have said to her was “Why wouldn’t I
be?” and knocked the ball right back into Serena’s teeth! Then you should have added,
“Why do you ask? What did you have in mind?”
You tell her you don’t like backstabbers. You, Kenyon, and 99% of all the women in the
world who don’t dig cheaters. So what do you have here, with Parker? She’s the 1% that
thinks it’s perfectly okay to betray a guy! Then she has the gall to tell you to see the
“good” in people and that you should take a cheater back!
That was the perfect opening for you. You should have come right back with “Hey -- you
got a hot girlfriend I can start cheating with right now?” (And you should have asked
the question face to face!) She wanted to know if you think people can change. Rightfully,
you don’t want to be a crutch to this bird with a broken wing. But look, SHE’S TELLING
YOU HER VALUE STRUCTURE. SHE’S TELLING YOU HOW SHE REALLY LOOKS AT THINGS. This is so
important, man! Like the great genius Doctor Freud once said, “You’re really seeing
the kind of cuckoo you’d be living with in the same cage for the rest of your life if
you said those terrible words: ‘I do.’”
That remark about booze was particularly revealing. If I were you, pal, I’d want to make
sure I counted Parker’s drinks on every date from now on in! And when she came back with
that snotty question about whether she cheated “tonight,” you should have pinned her
down on the facts. “Since you’ve ‘broken up’ with your ex, has he tried to kiss
you? Did you try and push him away?” You should have made the whole thing black and
white – you can’t ever give a woman wiggle room. Because like my Uncle Jethro Love
says, “When you give a wench room to wiggle, she’ll dive right into Womanese, my boy!”
Ah, what a fine gentleman Parker’s ex is, not wanting to put her in the terribly
uncomfortable position of having to say no to him. Of course not – he just wants her in
his bed, that’s all! This guy really beats around the bush! You know what “he’s a
physical person” means, don’t you? It means he’s all hands! When she said she didn’t
sleep over that night after all, that translates as she left at 4 a.m.!
As my cousin Fast Eddie Love would say, “My man, you’re drowning in a sea of Womanese!”
That said, I don’t think you overreacted to what she told you. I think you handled the
situation decently, but next time you should be more specific in your accusations and
Should you call Parker back? What for? Are you two going to go and live on the psycho farm
together and have little baby psychos? I don’t think so. This broad is off in la-la
land! You won’t make it 40 years with this girl in a cabin in the snow up in Anchorage.
Like Sal “The Fish” Love says, “It ain’t gonna fly!”
Do I think Parker cheated, Kenyon? Let me ask you this: Does Donald Trump have pretty
Remember, guys: when you’ve got a nutcase on your hands, please move on.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
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Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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