DOES JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE EVER SAY THE WRONG THING ON A DATE?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I’ve been wanting to write you and thank you for your techniques. My buddies think I’m
crazy for listening to your advice, but here we go.
Several weeks ago my coworker Angela left the company we worked for and got another job.
After being settled in there for a few weeks she e-mailed me with her new work phone
number and her home phone number and suggested we get together. I didn’t set a date up
for about two months and then called Angela on a Friday night for coffee. Bad move on my
part, I now realize, but I was feeling desperate.
We went out to a nice coffee shop here in Ventura. After ordering we sat down and talked.
An hour later I stood up and said, “Let’s go.” She asked why, and I answered that we
were going to a club. She was surprised, but took me up on the idea. We danced for a
couple of hours and then I drove her home. On the way she said she had a good time and
that she enjoyed herself.
At her place I jumped out of the car and opened her door. She said thanks, but before she
got to her gate, I pulled her back for a kiss. At first she gave me her cheek, but when I
went for her lips, she reciprocated.
I waited until the following Tuesday and asked her out for Thursday for a sandwich and
pool after work. At the sandwich shop we had a good conversation going, but when we drove
to the pool hall, it went awry. We started talking about some negative stuff – why she
left her job – and this seemed to get her down.
We did shoot a little pool and stayed out until 9:30, but it was strained. I drove her
home and kissed her. She said she had fun and all was well – or so I thought.
I called Angela the next Tuesday and again invited her out, for Chinese food and drinks.
She said no, that she was busy. She didn’t make a counteroffer. I haven’t heard from
her since, and that was a couple of weeks ago.
Doc, I’m completely bummed. What did I do wrong? The relationship seemed to go south on
the basis of that one lousy conversation. Is that possible? Do you think I should ask
Angela out again? If so, how should I go about it?
Stevie - who’s scratching his head over what he said wrong
If your buddies think you’re crazy, this means you’ve been force-feeding them “The
System.” Only when they come to you in pain can you give them advice. But you’re like
a guy who suddenly doesn’t drink anymore, and now he’s seen the light and decides he’s
going to save the world. Dude, nobody wants to hear it. And don’t forget, they might not
be “ex-alcoholics” like you. So what you have to do is spoon-feed this information to
your friends. Until they’ve internalized it, Doc Love comes off as a ding-dong because
they’ve all been brainwashed by the Feministas, and their fathers never taught them that
when they’re cooking soup they’ve got to stir it -- nice and slow.
Now, on to Angela. Why in the world are you waiting TWO MONTHS to call this babe? If she’s
any kind of honey, there are going to be swarms of men buzzing around her. You’ve got to
go by my guidelines, and the guidelines say you should move a little faster than George
Clooney making a marriage proposal.
Okay, so you were feeling desperate that Friday. But had you practiced Self-Control, which
is an essential part of my methods, you would have said to yourself, “No, I’m not
going to call Angela on a Friday night. I want her to think that I’m with my two
Playmates – and not just gazing at their pictures in a magazine!” So you weren’t
paying close enough attention to my book. Remember, you have to memorize it.
Nevertheless, up to this point you were actually doing decently. But do yourself a favor
-- STAY OUT OF THE CAR. There should have been a dance band right there at the restaurant!
I want you guys to drive her to and from one place ONLY per date. That’s the rule here.
To you Psych majors, unless you’re making out with a girl, the car is a no-man’s land
where Interest Level goes to die.
So, Angela said she enjoyed herself. Know what Sal “the Fish” Love would had said to
that? “How much?” You should have pressed the issue a little, pal. Any time a female
hands you a compliment, you have to poke around a bit to see if there’s anything real
behind it, or she’s just flirting and sending up a little smokescreen. Don’t take what
she says at face value. Learn to go beneath the surface like a love detective.
Sounds like you forced Angela into that first kiss, Stevie. Jeez, was that ever
politically incorrect! A girl tells you no, and you plow ahead anyway? And a smooch, no
less! Pretty heavy, man. If Angela were a doctoral candidate in women’s studies or the
history of feminism at some hoity-toity ladies’ college, you would have gotten 20 years
in the slammer. Count yourself lucky, man!
But you made it to date number two anyway. That was the good part. The bad part is that
you’re driving around in your car with Angela again. Maybe you need to get a job as a
chauffeur. You should have made the pool hall and sandwich shop a one-stop deal.
Now, as regards the so-called negative talk that sank your boat – this is why God made
girlfriends, Stevie. He made them so that THEY could listen to all this wah-wah,
sob-sister stuff. Talking about losing jobs is not romantic, I got news for you. Crying
over all the stuff that went wrong in her life does not raise Interest Level. So let’s
get off it and learn how to take control of the conversation and change the subject when
it gets into the danger area.
Listen, all you geniuses: make sure you talk about something positive or funny. And
Stevie, what you should have done was read Angela’s body language earlier. If she starts
to seem a little tired, or glances at her watch, or yawns, or looks around the room, it’s
time to cut the date short. Your tryst with Angela should NEVER have fallen into the “strained”
zone. You should have gotten out of there a lot sooner.
And you should have driven her home and not kissed her. If she’s not all over you, don’t
try and force the issue. Why give her the satisfaction of turning you down? And if you
want a little advanced advice – pressuring a gal is a form of begging. You don’t want
to be a slavering dog, do you? As Brother Love would say, “My man, where is your
dignity? Where is your pride?”
After that little disaster, you called her way too soon. I think I’m going to dub you
the King of the Telephone Blunders.
What did you do wrong, you ask? This might sound real strange, but you actually lowered
Angela’s Interest Level by your deportment. It’s not possible to blow a relationship
on one conversation, but that’s what your ego wants you to believe.
Should you ask Angela out again? Tell you what -- you’d have better luck buying a
Remember, guys: it’s a series of mistakes that takes you out of the game.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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