DID MCCAULEY CULKIN EVER HAVE TROUBLE GETTING GIRLS?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I give advice too, mostly to my friends, but that is not the point of why Iím writing to
Iím writing to you because I have trouble with girls. Iím 12 years old and I need to
get a girlfriend. I mean, Iím on the basketball team at school, so I think I should have
one. I need a date to my school dance. Iíd like to get someone good-looking and
attractive and a lot of fun. Iíve noticed that most of the people you help are older
than 12. Do you think you could help me? Please give me some good advice.
Thereís this one girl, Adrianna, I like a lot, but whenever Iím around her I just make
a total fool of myself because I donít know what to say to her. I sort of just stand
there and get red in the face and stare at her. Yet every time Iím around her I just get
a warm feeling in my stomach. Does that mean Iím in love with her? Do you think that I
should just forget about all the other girls at my school and concentrate on Adrianna?
I would like to ask Adrianna to my school dance because she has not yet been asked. I
mean, how do I say I like you to a girl? Do you just come out and say it, even if sheís
around her friends? If thatís what it takes, I donít think I can do it. Maybe Iím
just a coward. What confuses me is that Iím not afraid when Iím on the basketball
court against guys a foot taller than me, yet Iím really scared when Iím around this
Everyone at my school says Adrianna has never had a boyfriend, but I saw some guy hugging
her. Do you think that means she loves him? His name is Ryan and I donít like him. He
thinks that just because he plays quarterback for the football team that heís really hot
stuff and heís going to end up being a big star or something. I feel the same way about
myself, but heís able to make Adrianna laugh like crazy and I donít know how to do
that. This makes me feel a little bad about myself; do you know what I mean? Like I donít
have something that Ryan has.
I donít ever want to make a fool of myself again. Should I ask one of Adriannaís
friends if she does have a boyfriend? Iím begging you for some help.
Brady - who doesnít have anybody to turn to
If you give advice to your friends, why arenít you taking your own? If youíre a love
doctor already, you have all the answers. Go and look in the mirror and youíll have
everything you ever need. Just do a little talking to yourself. But Iím going to help
you anyway, because itís not always easy to solve your own problems. Your questions are
all over the map, but weíre going to attack every one. And thank you for writing.
Now first of all, it doesnít matter how old you are. Let me tell you something. There
are 50-year-old guys who use my ďSystemĒ because they canít solve girls. Those gals
might be a bit older than the ones you like, but most men have trouble with females Ė
youíll learn that pathetic fact soon enough in your life. Sadly, I would say that 90% of
men have difficulty, and thatís why Iím here. Guys, if youíve ever been confused or
rejected, Iím your love doctor.
So, you say you need to get yourself a girlfriend. Pal, thatís what everybody says. Even
men old enough to be your grandfather complain about not having the right one.
Now, are you saying that if you werenít playing ball you shouldnít have a girlfriend?
Youíve got to do it on the strength of your personality, Brady, not because you can hit
a few buckets. And that happens to be your problem, right there Ė youíre too needy.
When it comes to girls, you canít be desperate Ė youíve got to let them know that
you can take íem or leave íem. Itís the difference between George Clooney and Billy
Bob Thornton. George could care less and he has to beat them off with sticks, and Billy
Bob canít live without them, and thatís why heís a regular in divorce court.
So you want one whoís good-looking and fun, huh? Sort of like Hillary Duff or the Olson
twin who isnít starving herself to death? Itís nice to know that youíre shooting so
high, but youíve got to practice first. (Actually, Brady, youíre the second
12-year-old that Iíve helped. The other kid ended up a couple of years later with his
high school homecoming queen, so I have no doubt youíre going to come out of my coaching
as a total and complete success.) All you have to do is listen and set your ego aside, and
my advice will be nothing short of awesome for you. Thatís why my track record is so
great. Like Brother Love says, ďThere ainít another dating guru around who can hold a
candle to Doctor Love.Ē
So what you say to Adrianna is this: ďYou want to go to Starbucks for tea?Ē Nice and
simple. And you never want to stare, kid. It makes girls uncomfortable. You want to look
at her like a young gentleman would, and if she smiles at you, you smile back politely and
go up to her and say ďHi.Ē Remember, only bad boys stare, and youíre a good boy.
As far as that warm feeling in your stomach goes, thatís what youíre supposed to get.
Thatís what love is Ė a nice, warm sugar cookie in your belly. But donít get too
carried away with the sweets. Because youíre not ready to walk down the aisle with
Adrianna, and youíre not even in love with her Ė youíre in ďlikeĒ with her. But
Rather than concentrate on Adrianna, do just the opposite -- practice on all the other
girls in your school. Youíre rushing into things. Youíre not ready to ask your angel
to the dance. See all that equipment our American boys over in Iraq have? They have to
know how the stuff works before they can actually use it, capeesh? And youíve got to
know how a girlís mind works. That means you have to read all my columns and practice on
the girls you donít care about before you make any big moves.
Brady, the only time you ever tell a girl you like her is after youíve been married for
at least 35 to 40 years. Again, you donít want to rush it. Youíve got to spread
yourself out nice and slowly and spoon-feed girls you like just a little bit at a time,
otherwise they get bored real easily, and when they get bored it lowers Interest Level.
Thatís the graveyard of love -- crashed Interest Level.
What you have to do when youíre ready and Confident is steer Adrianna away from her
friends and say ďWhatís your home phone number?Ē Or at the end of a game when youíve
made lots of baskets like Michael Jordan or Dirk Nowitzki and your team won, then you walk
up to her and work your magic.
Now, this next principle is extremely important, and even guys much older than you have
trouble with it, so itís best to learn the lesson early. You shouldnít be talking to
anybody about a girl youíre interested in. Everybodyís already telling Adrianna how
much you like her, so you keep your mouth shut. Like it says in the Dating Dictionary, youíve
got to be cool -- like James Bond.
Adrianna hugging Ryan means nothing. Heís probably just her cousin anyway, so cool down.
Instead of getting bent out of shape over this guy, you should emulate him, because
Adriannaís not hugging you. (And you should have the same feelings about your hoop
dreams as he does about his football, but be a little more humble.) When you see him,
smileÖwhen you see her, smileÖkeep walking and make like youíre Jim Carrey for all
the other girls. When you get them to laugh, Adrianna will notice and sheís going to
walk over to you one day and say ďHi, Brady. Please make me laugh too.Ē
But this is a long-term relationship, and by the time youíre 15 or 16, youíre going to
have a good shot at getting this girl, so you just have to bide your time. You shouldnít
feel bad about yourself. Youíre a nice guy, and youíre just as good as Ryan, got it?
The only thing heís got that you donít is a few hugs. You have to be prepared, and the
only way to do that is by memorizing my columns.
Donít ever beg a girl for love, Brady. Get off your knees. Otherwise, you might just as
well send Adrianna a letter saying I love you and turn her off once and for all before you
even get started. Despite what Oprah might say, confessing your undying devotion will only
sink your ship. Adrianna will see that youíre able to nail a 15-foot jump shot on the
court, but when it comes to girls you shoot air balls. Donít talk to her friends and
remember the most important thing Ė get all Aís in school and make íem laugh.
Remember, guys: you canít be a Marine unless youíve been through boot camp.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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