WOULD JOHN STAMOS EVER USE A MATCHMAKER?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I don’t know if you’re aware of the new trend of men using professional matchmakers to
find their mate, but I wanted your opinion on this growing phenomenon.
There was a big article on these (female) operators in a major magazine recently, and I
began to wonder if maybe I should sign on and see what they could do for me. I actually
fit the profile of the type of man they service – I’m Ivy League-educated, wealthy,
and much too busy with my career to actually go out and hunt down dates. I’m afraid of
using the Internet to find dates, because lots of those women are crazy, and amazingly
enough, I haven’t had much success there anyway. Maybe women don’t care for enormously
So Doc, here’s what these matchmakers do, generally speaking. They charge exorbitant
amounts of money, around 20 grand for the “initiation” fee, plus another grand for a
yearly membership to get you rolling (and they expect a marriage “bonus” if it comes
to that), with no guarantee of success, I might add.
But from what I’ve read, it seems that they do a good job for a guy. They work on their
“intuition” to set you up on dates with the right woman and they insist on total
control (in other words, you don’t have a say in who you date, you can’t even see
pictures, and you have to accept the matchmaker’s choice). They run a background check
on you, visit your home, and have an “image consultant” inspect your wardrobe and make
you over if necessary. They strictly screen out the gold diggers and naggers from their
pool of available women, who are all upscale types. In other words, they pretty much do
everything for you.
They also have an interesting philosophy. They tell you that you should already be married
or re-married (in the event you’re divorced), and they believe that people should stay
within their “tribes” for a mate. It’s a very traditional approach and almost
old-world. I suppose at this stage of my life I find that somewhat appealing.
To be honest with you, I haven’t had the best luck with women in my life, Doc, and at 40
years old I often wonder why I haven’t been able to find the right one. There is
something very enticing about the idea of putting myself into a matchmaker’s hands after
all the futility of trying to do it by myself.
What do you think? Should I go for it? Do you see any downside aside from the lightening
of my bank account?
Cummings - who doesn’t want to be a desperado
Yes, I do know about these people. As a lifelong practitioner in the areas of dating and
love, I make it a point to stay up on everything that’s going on out there. In fact, one
of my good friends in Los Angeles laid out $5,000 for the service, in which the matchmaker
guaranteed him a certain amount of dates. But my buddy didn’t do too well. When the
contract was up, he came away empty-handed. But let me emphasize that this was only the
experience of one guy – I’m not out to rip the entire practice.
Now let’s talk about those wacky cyberspace women. Sure, lots of gals cruising the
Internet are crazy. But guess where they come from? The planet Earth -- where you happen
to be standing right now. So don’t put down the Internet, like Bill O’Reilly does.
Being a weirdo is not an Internet problem – it’s just a problem that some women have.
The point is that you have to find a good woman, period, and there are many great ones out
there. Like my cousin Brother Love says, “You gotta separate the wheat from the chaff.”
I have another surprise for you. Women do care for enormously successful men. But you
Masters of the Universe have to be able to back your success up with other things – like
Confidence, Self-Control, and Challenge. Without those strength qualities, I don’t care
how many oil wells you own in Texas or how many skyscrapers you’ve built in New York
City -- she’s going to make you miserable. Remember this: when Johnny Carson died, his
wife (number four, by the way) was hanging out in another city.
Now guy, if a high-priced matchmaker can get you hitched to a good one, it’s worth every
penny she takes from you — in fact, she’s underpaid. But remember my caveat – IF SHE
PRODUCES. And remember this, too: success is not getting and marrying a girl. Anybody can
do that; even Mini Me. Success is keeping her in high Interest-Level heaven. Otherwise, it
doesn’t matter what the matchmaker comes up with.
Of course these matchmakers do a good job of getting you dates, Cummings! Because the guy
– the guy like you -- doesn’t know his butt from his BlackBerry about women and he has
to keep coming back for more. After the breakup or divorce, he’s crawling back to Ms.
Marriage Broker to find him another girl. It’s called built-in repeat business. If you’re
going to drop all your hard-earned dough on this thing, you better know what you’re
doing going in. Check out the equipment our boys are carrying in Iraq today – they have
to know how to use the gadgets before they actually use them, right? Because like General
Love would say, “Dating is war!”
So, she’s going to fix you up with the “right woman.” But just who is the right
woman in reality? She’s a Flexible Giver. That’s what you’re supposed to ask the
matchmaker for, not some fantasy girl. But you’re not going to know enough to do this
because you haven’t memorized the Dating Dictionary. Accepting the matchmaker’s choice
for you is okay as far as it goes. It’s like a guarantee that she’ll get you to the
50-yard line. But she’s not necessarily looking for a good girl with a Flexible
attitude. So, buyer, beware.
By the way, are you going to be privy to what your new blind date brings down per year?
She’ll know what you make, right? Well, don’t you want to know her job record over the
past five years? You better find out whether she’s been on “hellfare” or working at
the local topless joint before you go down on your knees with your five-carat diamond.
Blissful blindness works only up to a certain point. Again, let the buyer beware.
The makeover and image consultant is wise. Most guys don’t know how to dress and their
apartments look like hell, so that’s a good idea. But the question is, will you stay
made-over and spit-shined? If so, fantastic. But if you go back to being the same old
Cummings, what’s the point?
If your matchmaker can truly weed out the gold diggers and naggers, you ought to give her
a hundred grand rather than just 20K. But what she can’t do for you is guarantee one
critical element: CHEMISTRY. Can a matchmaker truly guarantee you that certain spark that
floats your boat? And, more importantly, the WOMAN’S? To you Psych majors, only if the
woman’s Interest Level is 51% does it have the potential to rise. And remember too that
it’s only her Interest Level that really counts.
Telling you that you should be married or re-married is a half-truth. If you’re not
truly psychologically ready to deal with a woman, the matchmaker could tell you that you
should bathe in canola oil every night and it would amount to the same thing. As for
sticking with the tribe, it’s generally true that it’s better if you have lots of
things in common from a social standpoint. The problem is that it doesn’t always work
out anyway. Actors and entertainers have lots in common, don’t they? Check out their
divorce rate. Every single day Catholics break up with Catholics they grew up around the
corner from. So what’s the solution? You’re going to have to find a Flexible Giver to
overcome the odds, like I said before. (And yes, an old world philosophy is appealing. So
go for it, Cummings. You’ve got the money and you’re going nowhere in a hurry anyway
Pal, I can tell you haven’t had the best luck with women from your letter. You’re
being redundant. You better get “The System” and read it a few times. You’ve got a
lot of work to do, Cummings. Because you’ve already met the right one, but you didn’t
even know it. What’s more, you couldn’t have kept her anyway. But don’t take it
personally. When you put yourself in the matchmaker’s hands, tell her you want somebody
ugly and short. I guarantee you’re going to be successful and you’ll get your money’s
So what do I think you should do? Gee, buddy, I’m about ready to look for a 10-story
building to jump off. Are you sure you’ve read at least one of my columns?
Money isn’t the issue here. The issue is this: are you going to do the right things to
make her stay if you do get set up with someone incredible?
Remember, guys: if you want to go “dating” for a potential lifelong partner, you’d
better do your homework first.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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