UNDERSTAND MEN AND MEN DON'T UNDERSTAND WOMEN
Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Dear Doc Love:
As a single, attractive dating female, I've been reading your articles, and I protest.
There are so many wonderful, beautiful and kind souled single women in San Diego County
who would love to meet a great guy to date and have a real relationship with. But you are
misleading men by telling them to play 'hard to get' and you're only contributing to more
animosity and misunderstanding between men and women. The last thing we need around here
is more men who play games.
I took your article: "Wait-a-Week-to-Call" to my women's support group and they
all just laughed! "What is he trying to do, teach men to be conniving women?"
"That's what our mothers told US to do!"
Teaching men to use a "strategy" takes all of the real excitement out of dating
and meeting someone of real substance. If you told a man from back East to use
manipulative strategies as you recommend, he'd laugh in your face. Real men go after what
they want and don't have to play passive-aggressive games. Guys who take your advice must
be real losers anyway!
If I met a man I was attracted to at a party and he took my number and didn't call me for
a week, I'd think he was going through his list and I happened to be the booby prize
because no one else wanted him.
A real man would call the next day and at least show he was interested as soon as
possible. Then he could make the date for next week or whenever. But at least he was manly
enough to be Tarzan to my Jane. If he wants to be Jane, then I wouldn't want him anyway!
If you guys just want to chase the same big boobed So. Cal. beauties, then of course,
stand in line for a letdown no matter when you call. If you really want a kindred spirit
to love and be with, then forget the contrived strategies and step up to the plate!
We need some REAL men around here.
LeeAnn - who says: "Print this if you dare!"
Is that the best you can come up with? I see by the way you communicate why you wind up at
the bottom of the list.
I have to thank you, LeeAnn, because you have provided us with yet another great example
of why you can't find out what women want by asking them. If you and your girlfriends were
able to be truly objective about your inner needs and desires, you wouldn't be trying to
make a mockery of my "wait a week to call" strategy.
LeeAnn, imagine that you had gone to a cocktail party where you had met a successful,
handsome gentleman who was a dead ringer for Pierce Brosnan. The two of you made a nice
connection and he asked you for your phone number.
Then you found yourself thinking about him, hoping that he would call to ask you out.
Would you blow him off when he called you seven days later? Or would you be delighted that
he finally called, and be eager to see him? Would you say to him: "I'm sorry guy, you
waited more than 24 hr. to call me and that means that you aren't a real man so no thank
you." Give me a break!
The truth is that you'd be saying, "Yes, I'd love to go out with you" faster
than Rosie O'Donnell can gobble up a cream tart. And why would you be saying yes so
readily and enthusiastically? Because you had, what I call, High Interest in your James
Bond look alike. Your Interest Level in him was 79% or so from the get go. But when he
waited a week to call you, your Interest Level moved even higher into the low 80's.
You see, LeeAnn, in my hypothetical scenario, you already liked him a lot, but when he
took his time to call you, you perceived him as an even more intriguing guy who has a full
life and isn't desperately hoping to find some woman to make him happy. Someone who is a
REAL -- "real man."
Yes LeeAnn, you'd see him as a Challenge. And whether you know it or not, that's what you
respond to on an emotional level - a guy who is a Challenge. Not some needy, eager to
please, politically correct nincompoop who is seeking your approval by calling you the
If I had an opportunity to use my interviewing techniques on you, I'm certain that I'd
discover that the last guy you fell in love with was, in some fundamental way, a
Challenge. Hopefully it wasn't a married man who saw you only twice a month.
You and your girlfriends say that I'm teaching men to be conniving women. Well, I couldn't
have said it better my self. If fathers would teach their sons to be a little more
conniving, then the war of the sexes might be a bit more of a fair fight instead of
But your mothers were wasting their time teaching you to be conniving. As a woman, it's
already built into you. Women have an innate understanding of men, but men don't
understand women at all. Or as Jack Nicholson once said: " Women, they're smarter
than us, they're stronger than us, and they don't play fair." But when my guys use
"The System", they're finally able to out-game and out-gun you gals.
And you think that my strategies are manipulative? I'll tell you LeeAnn. If any of my guys
has the self-sabotaging habit of calling a potential date 24 hrs. after getting her
number, then I have to break him of that habit. He needs to learn to use a success
strategy rather than a failure strategy, so I give him rules and principles to follow.
Call it manipulative if you like, but you do yourself and all men a great disservice by
disparaging my advice.
I'll agree with you on one thing. My philosophy is passive/aggressive but only in a
positive sense. I show men that there is a time to be aggressive and there is a time to be
passive. A man takes aggressive action by, for instance, being sure to always ask a woman
whom he's interested in for her phone number. Then he's passive when he waits a week to
call her, and
then he's aggressive again when he calls her for the date. But he doesn't rush in like a
dog in heat.
And LeeAnn, why are you so resentful towards your skinny sisters who have large breasts,
long legs, thick lips and high cheekbones? I'm sure that many of them are nice people who
deserve love just as much as you do. Taking a kinder and gentler attitude towards all
humankind might serve you well.
Remember, guys, women are dying to chase you, they just don't realize it.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The
"System," visit me at http://www.doclove.com
or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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