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Doc Love Success Coach

New Article Every Thursday



 Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love

Hello Doc,

I just read your most recent article in

In my experience I have lost some great women because I didn't call them right away or enough. As the girl in your last article said, when a guy calls her after a week she does not feel special any more. Women have walked away from me because of that very reason. You cannot argue with real life experience.

Women do want a Challenge but not in the form of a lack of attention. They want it in the form of not being able to control the man and have their way with him. I believe the man still needs to be attentive right off the bat but his attention must be strictly on his terms and not on her terms. This means going where he wants to and doing what he wants and not giving into her requests and whims or trying to make her feel good so that she will like him.

By making the distinction that his attention, affection and complements are something that he gives on his own terms, the woman can see that she has not yet won him over and is not able to control him so, he remains a Challenge and raises her Interest Level.

Acting this way has resulted in me having the biggest successes with women. Plenty of attention right away, but on my terms, based on what I want without letting the woman control me. Waiting to call is a mistake.

Cary - who thinks you are missing something

Hey Cary,

You say that I teach Challenge via "lack of attention." Well you obviously haven't studied "The System" thoroughly. I coach men to look at women's eyes whenever they're talking and to be a great listener. And when they combine those qualities with patience and proper timing, they start to become winners in the dating game instead of losers.

But even though you're off the track on proper dating /telephone etiquette, your insights about the importance of not seeking approval from women are right on the money. Although, what you're talking about has more to do with respect than Challenge.

Now if you can set your ego aside and allow me to educate you further about the importance of my "wait a week to call" strategy, you'll soon be on your way to even more success with women.

First of all, let me ask you, how exactly do you know for certain that these women who rejected you did so because you didn't call soon enough or often enough? Remember, when you ask a woman why she rejected a particular guy, 99 times out of 100, the first answer you get will not be the real reason.

I can hear you interviewing them now. "Hi Caprice, I was calling you to find out the reasons or reasons that you dropped me?" "Sure," says Caprice. "When you got my number you waited a week to call and then you didn't call me everyday to reassure me that you liked me, that's the reason."

The real answer is always the second (or third) answer that you pry out of a woman. The first answer is always the politically correct answer. And if the guy she rejected and the guy who is interviewing her are one in the same, it's 100% guaranteed that she won't give a straight answer. I cross-examine women when I survey, just like the cops on "Law and Order." I doubt that you did this.

And how many women did you interview, four? I've interviewed thousands and I have never heard a woman say, "I dropped him because he didn't give me enough phone calls." To you Psych majors, do you really want someone as a life-long partner who needs reassurance through Ma Bell every hour?

In actuality Cary, you should be happy that women with low self-esteem are dropping you. Having to constantly reassure your partner is like riding on a stationery bicycle with a metal seat, it's a pain in the butt and it never really gets you anywhere.

Cary, there's something you must understand. A girl could give both you and another guy her number on the same day. And that other guy might call her the next day and take her out on a date while you're still waiting to first call her. But if she has higher interest in you, she'll be thinking about you while she's out with him.

And when you finally call her after that other guy has already called her for a second date, you are raising her Interest Level even higher. (She can't figure out why you aren't being predictable like all the other guys she's gotten rid of and she becomes more intrigued.)

So Cary, you don't have to worry about some other dude beating you out while you're biding your time using Challenge to your advantage. Women do the choosing, and if she chooses you, there ain't nothin' your competition can do about it. And when you wait to call, any chance your competition might have had is seriously compromised.

Don't be concerned about making her feel special, make yourself special to her by being a Challenge.

Remember guys, patience is the key to women.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me at or call (800)  404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"

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