TIME, THE WOMAN IS RIGHT
Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I'm having a problem with my girlfriend, and I really need some advice. Recently, my
girlfriend was over at my house when my ex called. (My ex and I had been together for 9
months, and I broke up with her about 6 months ago.)
I chatted with my ex for about 10 minutes and my girlfriend got very upset. I explained to
her that this other girl means nothing to me and that I just consider her to be a friend
now. I've told my girlfriend about 12 times that I only want to be with her, but she's
still mad. She insists that I stop talking to my ex.
I would like to keep my ex as a friend, but my girlfriend can't find a way to accept this.
I think that she's jealous and insecure. What do you think and what should I do? Please
give me some advice as soon as possible, because I want my relationship with my girlfriend
Randell - who wants to know why she's so mad
You know that I'm one of the few love doctors who comes from a male perspective, and I
always try to stand up for the guys. But on this one dude, she's got you. Your girlfriend
is neither jealous nor possessive. She just wants to trust you and be respected. That's
right, Randell, you're being disrespectful. How would you like her to be chatting with old
boyfriends while she's sitting on the couch with you? If you're honest with yourself, I
think you'd have to admit that you wouldn't enjoy it a bit. Why? Because as they say in
Israel, "It ain't Kosher!"
Your girlfriend is annoyed because she knows that your ex is trying to get you back with
the ol' friendship ploy. (To you Psych majors: The ex girlfriend is playing buddy, hoping
he gets rid of his existing lover and takes her back.) If your ex had dumped you Randell
and you had been the dumpee, I guarantee you wouldn't be getting any friendly, chatty
phone calls from her. (When women leave first, they never want back in.) But in this case
you were the dumper, and your ex obviously still has feelings for you. Your current
girlfriend knows how her fellow kitty cats operate and she smells a rat. But your
girlfriend isn't insecure; you are, because you enjoy getting strokes off someone whom you
got rid of.
Randell, you should ask yourself some important questions, like: Why do you want to keep
your ex as a friend anyway? Are you out of buddies? Do you get off playing with your ex's
heart? Are you a passive/ aggressive person who neurotically enjoys annoying your current
Nagging is the most under-reported crime in America, only this time it's somewhat
justified. Your girlfriend needs to feel cherished and respected by you. She needs to feel
safe and be able to trust you, and you're blowing it.
Randell, you've been a jerk. Now it's time to do the right thing and here's one way to do
it: When Miss Wrong calls again and your girlfriend is there, casually walk out of the
room with the phone while you're talking to her. Meanwhile stay within earshot of your
girlfriend and let her hear you say: " Missy, don't call me again." Do this, and
your girlfriend's levels of trust, respect and romantic interest toward you will all go
Randell, both partners in a long-term romantic relationship must always have the utmost
respect for each other (and themselves) because the foundation of a lasting relationship
is respect. If the man doesn't give the woman respect, resentment will rear its hideous
little head, the woman's Interest Level will slowly sink, and the guy will eventually hear
one of the two most dreaded sentences in the English language: either "Honey, we have
to talk" or "You know, I just need some space."
So remember, all you guys out there, "When you're going steady, don't talk to your
To send me your love questions or to find out
more about The "System," visit me at http://www.doclove.com
or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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