SHE TRIES TO CONTROL YOU
Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I have a very cool wife. She's gorgeous. We have mutually high romantic Interest Level in
each other. She has a fantastic attitude. She's flexible. She's a giver. She's as loyal
and trustworthy as a Police dog. She's intelligent, sophisticated and a very talented
singer and songwriter. In fact we perform and sing together at different coffeehouses in
It's the best relationship I've ever had in my life and it just seems to get better and
better as the months go by. We've been married now for ten months and I can't believe how
much I love married life.
There's just one little thing that she does that seems to be a slight problem, and I'm not
sure how to deal with it. Every once in awhile, and I really do mean every once in awhile,
like maybe once every three weeks or so, she'll tell me to do something rather than ask
me. It's almost like she's giving me an order. She only does it once and then it doesn't
happen again for weeks.
The last time it happened we were about to go to sleep and she said, "Turn out the
bathroom light." She didn't say; " Would you turn out the bathroom light?"
or "Honey, can you turn out the bathroom light?" She just said it like a
command: "Turn out the bathroom light."
When she does that, it just throws me for a loop and I don't know what to say or do. The
way I've been handling it is that I wait about a minute or so (so that I don't look like
I'm just jumping through hoops) and then I do what she wants. But I think there's probably
a better way to handle the situation. I'd like to respond in a way that shows her the
error of her ways without seeming like I'm uptight and out of control. Any suggestions,
Franko - who wants to deal with all this
In every romantic male/female relationship, there are always going to be minor things that
each partner does that irritate the other. There's no such thing as an absolutely perfect
relationship, no such thing as two people being 100% compatible.
So, on the one hand, you could say, "Gee, she has a fantastic attitude 99.2% of the
time, and once every three weeks she acts like a traffic cop for one minute. I can live
with that." But, I say, it's worth testing to see if you can eliminate her annoying
habit of ordering you around. It's better to eliminate any potential for feeling
resentment, if possible.
I recommend letting her know that her behavior is unacceptable in a playful and humorous
way. The idea is to take a stand without being reactive or whiney or pouty. So the next
time she gives you an order, you can say something like; "Yes, sir Master Drill
Sergeant sir!' Get right in her face, snap to attention and salute her. (Make a mockery of
the situation.) Then follow her instructions. Next, go back to her and say "Task
completed Master Drill Sergeant Sir, Private Franko awaiting further orders, Sir."
That will get your message across.
When you do a skit like this, you're setting limits and letting her know that her behavior
is unacceptable without coming off as an uptight Macho Boy. Using humor is the best
approach and it's often very effective.
Then, if she happens to give you another order in the months that follow, drive home your
message again with a different comedy skit. When she says: "Bring me the
telephone," say; "Yes Master this little puppy dog can fetch better and faster
than any other doggie on the block. If I'm really quick will I get a doggie biscuit for a
reward?" Say this as you fall to your knees, pant and grovel. And as you adopt this
physical posture, give her a great big grin the way Dennis Quaid would. Hopefully, after
that, she'll terminate her unloving behavior
Remember, guys, if she's chronically doing something you don't like, use humor to change
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The
"System," visit me at http://www.doclove.com
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Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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