DOES SHE ONLY DRESS UP FOR DADDY?
Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I have a doozy for you. My girlfriend is a plain Jane, intelligent and simple, nothing
fancy. She's a VERY attractive girl, but she seems to be lagging behind in the effort
department. On our first dinner and a movie date she showed up in a pair of worn jeans,
very worn sneakers and an undersized hooded jacket that she seemed to have had since high
school. I pretty much figured that she was not much of a fashion plate and accepted her
individuality and substance over her appearance. But the more we dated the more I realized
she was a knockout.
Now, don't get me wrong, I prefer a woman who knows how to dress casual or formal while
maintaining class and femininity with a sexy feel. But it's been harped on that men are
shallow and should accept women for who they are and not what they've got on. So, I tried
to humble my outlook.
One day while having dinner at her house she started to speak about fashion designers and
which ones she prefers over the other. Laughing to myself about how simply she dresses, I
wondered aloud what could she possibly know about designer clothing and high fashion? Then
she invites me to her bedroom and proceeds to take out designer wear from her closet and
model them for me.
Man I saw a side of her that made me drool like a kid in a candy shop. She had some items
that would definitely make me want to purchase opera tickets just to have her on my arm. I
asked her why she doesn't wear some of these things when we go to nice restaurants, and
she just shrugged her shoulders. A week later I asked her to wear something nice from her
wardrobe, and I made reservations for dinner on a yacht here in NYC.
I put on one of my best suits, and she shows up in an outfit she wears every other day to
work void of any accessories. I was truly disappointed and after the date asked her about
it. She again shrugged her shoulders. It was really making me edgy as to why I wasn't
being afforded the extra effort, even when I was stepping up to the romance plate.
I've come to learn that she just will not even attempt to look nice for me, even when I
take her to nice places. She tells me that the nice clothes she has were given to her by
her father, and she prefers wearing them for him, especially when they go to church.
Furthermore, she tells me that fashion is not important and she doesn't prefer looking
fashionable at all, but when the time comes she knows how to look good. So, I asked,
"when is the appropriate time," and she again shrugs her shoulders.
Doc it feels like I am being clowned. I make sure I look tight for my date so she can be
proud, and all I get are half-baked outfits, dingy sneakers, and shrugged shoulders. Is it
me? Am I being shallow or is a woman with high Interest Level going to look her best for
you even without you asking?
Tylon - who wants to know why she doesn't want to look her best
Let's get right to the bottom line here. When your girlfriend took you into her bedroom
and showed you all the killer outfits she had that she can wear if she chooses to, she
knew it would make you drool. It was a tease, a putdown a dig, a dis. In effect she was
saying: "Look what I've got, and you don't get any. I save these for the most
important man in my life, the only man that I respect enough to dress up for because I
know it's important to him. But you don't rate."
At that point Tylon, right there in her bedroom, you should have gone into The Interview
with her. The Interview is used by a man to get the truth from a woman about something
that's bothering him. You don't yell or change your loving tone, but you give her a Bill
O'Reilly. You create a "no spin zone" where she must tell the truth.
You'd ask her, "How come you only dress up for Daddy?" You wouldn't let up until
you got to the bottom line. If you got her riled up enough she just might blurt out:
"I only dress up for men I love." Then she'd be busted on her true Interest
Level in you.
Let me tell you Tylon, there's nothing wrong with wanting your woman to dress nicely for
you. That's nothing to feel ashamed about or to apologize for. You're a classy, romantic
guy, and this gal is lucky to be going out with you. It's OK to want what you want, and
it's OK to ask for what you want-- which you did. You asked her to dress up for the dinner
on the yacht and what did she do? She dissed you again. She blew it. She knew that it was
important to you for her to look hot and instead of honoring your request, she threw in a
little 'screw you' by wearing the mediocre outfit. It wasn't a loving thing to do.
This gal has a serious attitude problem. If she just had no sense of style and didn't have
the closet full of classy duds, that would be one thing. Then I'd say; "Hey, that's
the way she is and you can accept it or not." But to take you in the bedroom and
taunt you and then not even wear one of those outfits when the time came is way, way
uncool. The Reality Factor says that this woman is not a giver.
Even if she was truly burnt out on dressing up, if she cared about making you happy, she'd
go the extra mile every once in awhile and pull out one of the sexy outfits for you for
Why is she being so uncooperative? We could ask a hundred different psychotherapists, and
they all could come up with a hundred different answers. But the Bottom Line Factor says
that she's being unloving and disrespectful - do you need that Tylon?
It's difficult to determine her true level of romantic interest in you, Tylon, with the
limited info. you've given about her. But the larger issue is that she's exhibiting
passive-aggressive behavior towards you. Assuming that you haven't done anything to make
her resentful towards you so she would want to behave this way, my analysis is that she's
not a loving, giving person and hence, not long-term committed-relationship material.
Remember, guys, before you sign the contract, make sure you're getting exactly what you
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The
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Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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