YOU EVER FORGIVE A CHEATER?
Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I'm 26 years old, and my "fiancée" is 22. Before me, she was in a three-year
relationship with this guy, and he was also the one that took her virginity away. We've
been together for 10 months, and it's been great but moving awfully fast. Like I said,
she's my "fiancée."
The problem happened about a month ago, and I don't know what to do. She cheated on me
with him, but I just found out the whole truth yesterday. When I asked her why she did it,
she told me that she loves me AND she loves him, and at that time, she didn't know what
she wanted and was unhappy. She broke down yesterday and told me the whole truth because I
think she just found out that he was manipulating her and basically just wanted to hurt
We talked for hours and hours last night about this, and all she could say was that she
was sorry. I asked her: "How could I ever trust that you won't do this to me
again?" She replied that my telling her that hurts her so much, and she's now learned
from all this.
Doc, I feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions right now.
One way is to say "Good-Bye;" the other is to try to work this out with her and
have her earn her trust back with me. But I don't know if I could honestly trust her
again. What I do know is that I love her dearly, but I don't want to get hurt like this
again. What are your opinions on this topic?
Alonzo - who wants to know if he can trust her again
You're asking me if you can ever trust her again? As my cousin, Fast Eddie Love would say,
"Would you take a check at a crap game?" Think about it, dude. While she was
engaged to you, your girl was doin' the guy who first initiated her into physical
intimacy. Yikes! The hard, cold truth is that she's disqualified herself as wife material
or even part time girlfriend material for that matter. Any trust that you might have built
with this gal has gone the way of the buffalo.
When you say that the relationship has been "great, but moving awfully fast," it
sounds as if you were edgy about the prospect of tying the knot with this hussy to begin
with. Perhaps, out of her insecurity she pressured you into the engagement? Regardless,
even if she hadn't betrayed you, it's obvious that she's not mature enough to handle being
in a long-term committed relationship.
Additionally, there's a problem with young chicks in general that the 'women as
victims/political correctness advocates' never mention. Young women who are about 18-22
years of age need to "feel their oats" just like young guys do. Settling down to
"till death do us part" with a 22 year woman is a high-risk proposition. It's
too easy to wind up with a monthly alimony and child-support bill.
I know that you're wounded and you're in pain, my brother, and it's hurts even more to
face reality, but you need to understand why this movie is over. Do you know what the
opposite of trust is? It's treason.
As my Uncle, Jethro Love would say, "She sold you out, boy. And you're thinkin' about
takin' her back? How you gonna look in the mirror every morning? What'll you do when she
goes out shopping and then comes home two hours late? What'll happen to your comfort level
Another thing that ticks me off about this broad is that when you asked her a totally
legitimate question: "How could I ever trust that you won't do this to me
again?" she then told you that you were hurting her by asking her that. Well, she was
just letting you know that it's really YOU who's the bad guy here! Man oh man. She's got
cojones the size of avocados.
Rather than listening to her, Alonzo, you should be listening to your gut, and your gut is
telling you that you can't bet on this pony. If her "first love" hadn't dumped
her, your two-faced traitor of a girlfriend would still be workin' both of you, and you'd
still be clueless. There's no "working this out with her" Alonzo. It's already
all been worked out - and she's out!
Remember, guys, if she strays, she pays.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The
"System," visit me at http://www.doclove.com
or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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