WHEN IS A DATE A "REAL" DATE?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I took this girl out for just a little get-together today (Sunday) for lunch. It was our
first "date", although not really a date. She seemed really shy, so I controlled
most of the conversation by asking a lot of questions, keeping it lighthearted and funny
like you teach in your System. I found out a lot about her, and I didn't reveal much about
me. But she didn't ask me much about me at all. She seemed a little uncomfortable the
whole time, although she seemed more at ease every time I'd ask a question, which was
By the way, this girl is 16 and I'm 17. My question is: her being a little shy around me
isn't a bad thing, is it? Because it's just the first time I've been out with her. I
figure she'll eventually (soon hopefully) be real comfortable around me.
Second question: Should I keep the dates short and simple with her till later
on when I know she really likes me? If these are stupid questions that don't even matter
just tell me. Thanks!
Stefan - who wants to know if his thinking is correct
More power to you, my little brother. How fortunate you are to have discovered "The
System" while you're still in high school. And the fact that you're already beginning
to use it in some small way is absolutely fantastic!
Those are not stupid questions at all. In fact they are great questions and they apply to
real life situations with women of any age. If you keep on studying and asking good
questions like this, you'll never find yourself in divorce court in the future.
So let's analyze your situation. First of all, you say that your first date with this girl
was not a 'real' date. Stefan, whenever you take a girl out for an activity that could be
considered a date, then it's a date.
The only reason any guy tries to downplay the idea that he and his love interest are on
what everyone would call a date is that he's insecure about her Interest Level. He's
afraid that if he says, in effect: "I'm a male, you're a female and I want to take
YOU out -- on a DATE," that he's going to spook her. He's afraid that if he makes it
clear that they're going to be on a date (rather than being like two friends just kind of
hanging out) that she'll know that he's romantically interested in her and so she'll turn
But that kind of logic is counter-productive because in reality, you don't want to be out
on a non-date date with a girl who would turn you down for a real date. You don't want
things to be ambiguous. You want her to know that if you're going to be spending your
valuable time with her, that she should at least consider you as a potential relationship
partner, and that if she doesn't, then she shouldn't go out with you. If she thinks it's
just a palsy-walsy buddy kind of a deal, then you're already starting off on the wrong
foot, setting a bad precedent and making things unclear.
So the next time you ask her out, Stefan, you can even say, "for our next date, Suzy,
I want to take you bike riding Thursday afternoon," and see if she says something
like: "Date? What do you mean by -- a date?" If she comes up with words similar
to those, then it ain't likely that things will improve on a second outing with her.
Besides, the real date vs. unreal date/ situation, I do not like the fact that this girl
wasn't asking you anything about you and your life. A girl, who has a high level of
interest, exhibits curiosity towards the guy she's out with. She wants to know all about
him and what makes him tick. Even when she's first getting to know him, she asks him
personal questions. Even if she's the quiet type, she still demonstrates a genuine
curiosity towards him.
You can call her "shy" if you want to, Stefan, but from what you've reported, my
gut tells me that what we have here is a girl with a case of low interest-itis. This girl
did nothing to make you feel valued by her, and she did nothing to make you feel
comfortable. She didn't contribute. You were doing all the work
As far as I'm concerned, this girl is on probation. So wait two weeks to call her. If she
really likes you, she'll ask why you waited so long to ask her out again.
Remember, guys, a woman has to like you from the get-go.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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