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Doc Love Success Coach

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Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

I took this girl out for just a little get-together today (Sunday) for lunch. It was our first "date", although not really a date. She seemed really shy, so I controlled most of the conversation by asking a lot of questions, keeping it lighthearted and funny like you teach in your System. I found out a lot about her, and I didn't reveal much about me. But she didn't ask me much about me at all. She seemed a little uncomfortable the whole time, although she seemed more at ease every time I'd ask a question, which was often.

By the way, this girl is 16 and I'm 17. My question is: her being a little shy around me isn't a bad thing, is it? Because it's just the first time I've been out with her. I figure she'll eventually (soon hopefully) be real comfortable around me.

Second question: Should I keep the dates short and simple with her till later
on when I know she really likes me? If these are stupid questions that don't even matter just tell me. Thanks!

Stefan - who wants to know if his thinking is correct

Hi Stefan,

More power to you, my little brother. How fortunate you are to have discovered "The System" while you're still in high school. And the fact that you're already beginning to use it in some small way is absolutely fantastic!

Those are not stupid questions at all. In fact they are great questions and they apply to real life situations with women of any age. If you keep on studying and asking good questions like this, you'll never find yourself in divorce court in the future.

So let's analyze your situation. First of all, you say that your first date with this girl was not a 'real' date. Stefan, whenever you take a girl out for an activity that could be considered a date, then it's a date.

The only reason any guy tries to downplay the idea that he and his love interest are on what everyone would call a date is that he's insecure about her Interest Level. He's afraid that if he says, in effect: "I'm a male, you're a female and I want to take YOU out -- on a DATE," that he's going to spook her. He's afraid that if he makes it clear that they're going to be on a date (rather than being like two friends just kind of hanging out) that she'll know that he's romantically interested in her and so she'll turn him down.

But that kind of logic is counter-productive because in reality, you don't want to be out on a non-date date with a girl who would turn you down for a real date. You don't want things to be ambiguous. You want her to know that if you're going to be spending your valuable time with her, that she should at least consider you as a potential relationship partner, and that if she doesn't, then she shouldn't go out with you. If she thinks it's just a palsy-walsy buddy kind of a deal, then you're already starting off on the wrong foot, setting a bad precedent and making things unclear.

So the next time you ask her out, Stefan, you can even say, "for our next date, Suzy, I want to take you bike riding Thursday afternoon," and see if she says something like: "Date? What do you mean by -- a date?" If she comes up with words similar to those, then it ain't likely that things will improve on a second outing with her.

Besides, the real date vs. unreal date/ situation, I do not like the fact that this girl wasn't asking you anything about you and your life. A girl, who has a high level of interest, exhibits curiosity towards the guy she's out with. She wants to know all about him and what makes him tick. Even when she's first getting to know him, she asks him personal questions. Even if she's the quiet type, she still demonstrates a genuine curiosity towards him.

You can call her "shy" if you want to, Stefan, but from what you've reported, my gut tells me that what we have here is a girl with a case of low interest-itis. This girl did nothing to make you feel valued by her, and she did nothing to make you feel comfortable. She didn't contribute. You were doing all the work

As far as I'm concerned, this girl is on probation. So wait two weeks to call her. If she really likes you, she'll ask why you waited so long to ask her out again.

Remember, guys, a woman has to like you from the get-go.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me at or call (800)  404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"

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