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Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love

Hi Doc,

I was hoping that you could translate some Womanese (as you call it) into English for me. I have been out on several dates in the last few months and these women seem to corner me with the things that they say. Sometimes I'm just not sure how to respond to them. A lot of the time I hear their words, but I don't even understand what they mean.

Here are a couple of examples:

1) After she cancels a date with me two hours before I'm supposed to pick her up, she says: "What's wrong with you today? You seem to be in a bad mood. Are you feeling O.K.?"

2) After I've gone out with her on about four dates she says: "So where are we going with this? Am I wasting my time"

What do you think Doc?

Wyatt - who doesn't want to keep getting boxed in

What's up Wyatt?

So, the girls have been messin with your mind. You're not the first guy to get stymied when a beauty has thrown him a curve ball. These gals never cease to amaze me. They're always coming up with an interesting new twist on their basic "confound and confuse 'em" strategy.

The basic principles to use whenever you're confronted with Womanese is to go with the flow, work Challenge and turn the tables on her. Why should YOU be the one who's on the defensive? Let HER be the one who's confused and confounded. As Don King the boxing promoter would say, "you've got to RE-confuse, Di-fuse, DE-flect and MIS-direct." (And throw in a zinger if you can.)

Now let's go over your examples Wyatt:

1) If she said:"What's wrong with you today? You seem to be in a bad mood." etc. etc. right after she cancelled your date with her, then you must have acted uptight and annoyed when she dropped the bomb on you.

Of course it's completely justified to be ticked off when a girl cancels a date, especially if she does it at the last minute (WHICH THEY ALWAYS DO). But in that type of situation you want to be coming off as a guy who is way too cool and confident to be flustered when she reveals her low level of interest in you by behaving rudely. As my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love would say: "Never let them know that they got to you."

The next time a chick ambushes you with a last minute cancellation (assuming that she's doing it with you directly rather than leaving a message on your answering service-which is even more rude) here's what you should do: First of all, as I mentioned, try not to let on that you are disappointed in any way.

But if she still picks up on the fact that you are bummed that she's just canceled, and lays something on you like:"What's wrong? Are you in a bad mood?" Then fire right back at her with, for example: "I was, until a minute ago." Or, say: "No actually I feel relieved." As you chuckle slightly. Let her wonder what you really meant by that. Remember that this girl already knew that she was going to break the date with you WHILE SHE WAS MAKING IT!

Now to your second example, Wyatt. Although a girl who's only gotten four dates in with you is technically too new to rate, when she said: "So where are we going with this?" (A slight variation on the basic "So, where is this relationship going?") That was a sign of her romantic Interest Level in you being over 90%. This is a good thing (as long as YOUR Interest Level in her is at least somewhere in the 70's). Girls with less than 90% Interest Level don't ask these kind of questions.

Still, when she says something like that, she IS putting you on the spot and creating pressure. So, once again, go with the flow, work Challenge and turn the tables on her. When she says; "I want to know if I'm wasting my time here. Are you dating anyone else?" You can say: "Baby, if you're with me there's no way you could be wasting your time." Then when she says: "Listen, I want to know how you feel." Say: "Darling, you've already hugged me, you know how I feel."

Remember, guys, the key to women is keep'em guessin'.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me at or call (800)  404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"

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