DO MEN LIKE WOMEN WHO TAKE THE INITIATIVE?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Dear Doc Love,
I don't know whom else to ask, but I'd rather ask for a man's advice than a woman's. If I
asked a woman I'd only be setting myself up for the "you made yourself look cheap,
conniving, and deceitful." So here it goes.
I just graduated from college and finished my finals. There was this guy in my class who I
believed was very handsome in every way. He was confident, attractive and funny. I had
never spoken to him before, but I realized it when I saw him speak in class. He sat all
the way in the back, and I like to sit in the front. So, knowing that we would have never
gotten a chance to speak, I went up to him during the 9th week of class (we have class
once a week) and asked him out.
I had never done that before, but I thought it would be an admirable gesture. I know that
guys almost never get asked out directly, especially if a gorgeous woman initiates it. (I
model bathing suits part-time - not to brag.) I had been drooling over him for over 6
When I asked him out he responded with a happy, "Yeah, sure!" And then the nail
biter, "Oh you know I have a girlfriend, but we can still hang out! Do you care that
I have one?" I said no because I don't care. I just wanted to get to know him over a
beer, not kidnap him.
We tried to get to know each other with the ten minutes we had. Everything was left
open-ended. I thought he'd call but he didn't. It's been two months. Why, dear god, why? I
can't stop obsessing over him. I know I'm very pretty and intelligent. I have a great body
and beautiful face, and I came across as very sweet. He seemed enthused. What the hell
happened? I wouldn't care if he called me next month or the month after that. That's fine
with me. It was left so open-ended. I left him a message on his voicemail four days after
we talked, and he didn't return my call. What do you think? Did I blow it by coming on too
Jennifer - who wants to know what is going on
Wow. Your Interest level in this guy is so high that you'll still be delighted to go out
with him if he calls two months from now. So much for the protests I get from women who
say that if a guy waits more than a few days to call, then a woman loses interest in him.
Guys, I want you to read Jennifer's letter more than once. This is a stunning example of
what lengths a beautiful woman, any woman, will go to and how flexible she can be when her
Interest Level is off the chart. She hadn't even ever talked to the guy, and she broke a
lifelong pattern of passivity. Beautiful women can afford to be as passive as they want.
She walked right up to her dreamboat and closed him on the spot. It's that kind of
fearless, balls to the wall attitude that a lot of YOU GUYS still need to adopt.
Jennifer, when you were direct, moving like a heat-seeking missile honing in on its
target, you did great. Any one of your sisters who would have called your behavior cheap
and conniving is way, way out of touch. You knew what you wanted, and you went for it.
"Good on ya " as they say in Australia. It's certainly possible for a woman to
take the initiative to ask a guy out and still maintain her feminine grace. YOU did it.
But Jennifer, he told you that he already had a girlfriend. You liked him so much you were
willing to lie and tell him that you didn't care that he had a girlfriend. But you did
care. He was being nice and going with the flow, but the Bottom Line Factor says: He
didn't call. He's not available for relationship, of any kind. You've got to stop with the
obsessing and let it go. That's what smart guys learn to do. They learn that they will be
rejected more often than they'll be accepted, so they learn not to focus all their hopes
on one potential partner.
You, Jennifer, just can't believe that any man would turn you down because no man ever
has, up until now. But you gotta wake up sister. He did turn you down. Accept it and move
on. If you keep obsessing about this guy, you'll be in a chronic state of distraction and
likely to overlook your soul mate when he crosses your path.
I do want to encourage you to not be discouraged from ever taking the initiative again.
Don't wind up like one of those girls who get rejected once and then say, "Oh, I
asked a guy out once but I'll never do that again. Men don't like it when women take the
Your classmate didn't turn you down because men don't like it when women are direct. The
reason he didn't call you wasn't because you came on too strong. He didn't call you
because his interests lie elsewhere, period.
Remember, guys, even beautiful women sometimes get rejected.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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