WHAT DO I SAY AFTER SHE TURNS ME DOWN?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
I work out in a gym that is loaded with hot chicks. I let them eye me first and I don't
stare at them. Of course I learned this technique from you. I notice other guys trying to
get close to them by saying dumb things, but I keep my mouth shut.
There's a drop dead gorgeous woman I see a there a lot who is married, and I kid with her.
I let her know from the beginning that I was not coming on with her, so she feels real
comfortable with me and we talk frequently.
The fun thing is that I notice the other women in the place stare when I make her laugh.
(Like you say Doc, keep 'em laughin'.) I know that some of them have become curious about
me. You can almost hear what they're thinking: "Hmm, what's the story with that guy?
That woman who seems to be so charmed by him sure is beautiful."
In fact, there's this other fox there named Kristen who had initiated a conversation with
me after she saw me making the married gal laugh. I wasn't sure if she was just being
friendly or if she had any romantic interest in me. So, as you recommend, when the timing
was right I 'closed' her to find out where I stood with her. Here's how it went down:
Me [Smiling]: "So, Kristen, What's your home phone number?"
Me." [Smiling, turning to leave] "It's been a pleasure talking to you Kristen.
See you next time." (I knew from what you've taught me that when a girl gives me an
answer like that instead of her phone number that I've already gone down in flames.)
Kristen: "I can't date you because I have a boyfriend. But, like, we could hang out.
I don't have a lot of friends..."
I just didn't know how to respond to that. But I'd like to have a great comeback for when
and if a girl says something like that to me again. I feel like maybe I blew it somehow.
If I'd had a better comeback maybe I'd have gotten her number. So, Doc, any hints or tips
about this particular scenario would be greatly appreciated.
Chad - who wants to know what he, should have said back to her
First of all, realize that the most important thing is not whether you got her home phone
number or not. The most important thing is that you ASKED for it. As they say in sales,
you 'asked for the order'. That's what counts. So many guys just don't have the sense of
commitment or the courage to ask a girl point blank for her home phone number.
But you did it, Chad, and you did it in a calm, confident, self-assured manner. You didn't
beg like a Teddy Bear Guy when you asked and you didn't act pissed off like an out - of -
control Macho Boy when she turned you down. So you get an "A" from the Doc on
this one. Congrats!
Also realize that once a woman makes it clear that she has no romantic interest in you by
giving you some kind of smoke-screen-type answer, then there's essentially nothing you can
do in that instant to suddenly raise her Interest Level. As my cousin Fast
"Eddie" Love would say, "If her feelings are below the 50 yard line, you're
But, Chad, in a situation like that, you CAN confidently throw in a clever zinger that
will raise her level of RESPECT for you when she does her - "saying 'NO' without
really saying 'NO' routine." To you Psych majors, you've got to go out smokin'.
When you asked her for her phone number and she said "Why?" you could have said,
"Because I want to show you all the fun that you've been missing out on."
When she said, "I can't date you because I have a boyfriend" you could have
said, with a twinkle in your eye, "What if I send him on an all-expenses-paid
vacation to Miami Beach for two weeks? Will you go out with me then?" Or, "You
know you dominate him, and you're bored, so why are you still with him?"
When she said, "But, like, we could hang out, I don't have a lot of friends,"
you could have said, "As soon as you get rid of your boyfriend I'll be happy to be
your friend." Or, "Why is it that people don't want to get close to you?"
That one would be guaranteed to twist her head around.
But, Chad, I don't want you to be obsessing on what you could have or should have done.
You did great because, as I said, you asked for the order. Just keep studying and
practicing. And keep closing when you know that the timing is right.
Remember, guys, without respect from a woman you have nothing.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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