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Doc Love Success Coach

New Article Every Thursday



Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love

(Doc Love will appear - if he doesn't get bumped again - on the O'Reilly Factor on March 12 on FoxNews. Pease check TV times in your local listings. )

Dear Doc Love,

I've probably read about ten of your articles, so I know some things about your "System", but I also know that I have a lot to learn. I'm very confused about something that keeps happening to me with women and I'm hoping that you just might be the guy to solve this mystery for me once and for all.

I am pretty good at meeting women. The place that I do best is at bookstores that have a coffee house attached, places like Borders or Barnes and Noble. I'll notice a girl reading a book at a table and then I'll ask her something about the book. Then I might tell her about the really interesting book that I'm reading and then it just kind of flows from there.

If I'm really conscientious I can get maybe ten or twelve phone numbers in a week and out of those I'll get two or three actual dates which I figure is a pretty good batting average. (I hear stories from some guys who get phone numbers but almost no actual dates.)

I usually take a girl out to dinner and then for a walk down "The Third Street Promenade" in Santa Monica where there's all kinds of shops, crafts, live music and it's great for people watching too. I think this is all good and the girls seem to like the atmosphere.

Once we're together at the restaurant I try to be as gentlemanly as possible. I never swear or use foul language. I keep the conversation on a positive track. I always ask her a lot of questions about herself and I never talk about other women or flirt with the waitress.

After about an hour or so I always ask her if she's having a good time and if there's anything I can do to make things more enjoyable for her. I also always check with her at the end of the date to see how she thinks things went and if she felt comfortable with me.

Also, I usually call the girl the next day and tell her what a great time I had and how much I enjoyed her company. And then, I ask her if she'd like to go out on a second date. That's where it all goes down the tubes because they always come up with some excuse for why they can't go out with me again. I have to tell you that I simply cannot understand why this keeps happening to me!

I know I've blabbed on a bit. Thanks for reading all of this. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Doc Love.

P.S. Could it have anything to do with the place that I'm meeting these girls. Is it just that there's a very high percentage of flakey girls who hang out in bookstores?

Mason - who can't get a second date

Hi Mason,

I can definitely help you. The reasons why you aren't getting a second date are blatantly obvious to anyone who has been studying "The System". It's really no mystery. So you can relax Mason because by the end of this article your journey to greater success with women will have already started. We're going to get you out of your "Sophomore Slump" as they say in Baseball. (That's when a rookie who did pretty good the first year just ain't cuttin' it the second year.)

But before I reveal to you what you've been doing wrong, I want to commend you on what you've been doing right. Any guy who has the confidence and charm to be able to strike up conversations with numerous girls who are total strangers and wind up with twelve different phone numbers in a week is one hell of a 'closer'! It takes real determination and a whole lot of testosterone to make THAT happen. Most guys don't get that many phone numbers in a year!

Yet, it's interesting, Mason, that you're so confident, aggressive and unapologetic when it comes to asking for phone numbers and then so overly eager to please when you're out on the date. Your over-eagerness and your intense need for approval are the things that are turning these chicks off.

Women want a gentleman but they want a gentleman who is a Challenge, and the style you're using right now, Mason, is anti-Challenge. The babes are sensing that you're desperately hoping that they'll like you and whatever Interest Level they may have started with simply evaporates by the end of a first date with you (or sooner.)

You have to stop trying so hard to please them. You're too accommodating and you're being like that because you're AFRAID that if you don't cater to their every whim then they won't like you. Instead, you need to take that same fearlessness that you have when you first introduce yourself to these women and carry it over into all your interactions with them. You have to start not caring so much whether you are pleasing them or not. You have do stop being so damn available.

During the first sixty days of courtship, women don't want to think that you're available. They want to think that you're unavailable. That's what keeps them curious and interested. It sounds strange but it's true. You need to learn how to keep them on their toes. Keep them off balance. Keep them wondering whether they are going to be able to win you over or not.

It's good to keep the conversation on a positive track. It's good to not mention other women. And of course, yes, never flirt with the waitress when you're on a dinner date with a girl. But, beyond that Mason, I recommend that you immediately cease and desist with all the checking in with your date to see if she's comfortable or if she's having a good time or how she thinks the date is 'going'. These behaviors are sinking you Love Boat before it ever gets out of the dock.

And as painful as it may be to hear, Mason, I've got to give you the rest of your dose of Truth Medicine. Any woman who has a shred of Interest Level left at the end of a first date with you loses it when you, Mr. Eager Beaver, Mr. Lonely Guy, call her THE NEXT DAY looking for more approval. That's way, way too soon to be calling for a second date. You might as well just say. "I know I'm a loser, but please please have pity on me and like me just a little, please?"

So now you're mystery has been solved Mason. It's not that every Borders and Barnes and Noble is filled with flakey chicks. Your problem is that you are not being a Challenge, at all!

So start studying "The System" seriously, keep getting those phone numbers and start being a Challenge.

Remember, guys, you need to make women work to win you over

To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me at or call (800)  404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"

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