NEVER TRY TO WIN BACK A GIRL WHO DUMPED YOU
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Dear Doc Love,
After being in a committed relationship with my girlfriend for over a year and a half,
about three weeks ago she told me she thought "we should take some time off from each
other." I have to confess that I was absolutely dumb struck when she came up with
that. It seemed like things were pretty good with us. I mean we had our arguments and
stuff but we always seemed to work through any big problems.
I tried to find out why she wanted to do that, but I couldn't get her to be specific in
any way. She just said that she felt like she's "grown" a lot and that I
haven't. I told her that whatever way she felt like I should grow that I could learn and
change. But she said it was "too late" for that.
I know this is sounding like the standard clichés right out of a B movie, but this is
really the conversation that we had. When I asked her how much time she thought we should
take off, she said that she wasn't sure.
Well it didn't take me long to figure out that "time off" really meant the end.
I found out from a mutual friend that she's already been dating some other guy, a
bartender, and that they've already been intimate!
I hate to admit it but I am still hopelessly in love with her and I would do anything to
get her back. The thought of going back into the singles scene is totally depressing to
My friend just turned me on to your articles at askmen.com and told me that you have a
"System" for success with women that really works. He says that you have all the
answers, so my questions are why did she leave and what should I do to get her back?
Dante, who hopes there's a way
Since you're obviously a new reader, I'm going to give you some basic info about Interest
Level. When you and your former girlfriend first started going steady, she had a high
level of romantic interest towards you. She had strong loving feelings for you.
But, at some point, probably about six to eight months or so into the relationship, her
Interest Level in you reached its peak and then began to slowly erode. Over the ensuing
months it finally sank so low that she wanted to be with Mr. Gin and Tonic instead of you.
Now this is important, Dante. I want you to understand that her Interest Level didn't drop
from 90% or higher to almost nothing in one day, although it seemed that way to you. Just
about all men who get dumped by a woman think that the woman's Interest Level died
overnight, but the Reality Factor says that it takes time for a woman who's in love to
fall out of love.
You were "dumbstruck" when she dumped you, Dante, because you failed to pick up
on the signs and clues she was giving you as her Interest Level was diminishing. You
didn't really think much about it, but she began to be less affectionate, a little less
passionate, a bit more argumentative, more distracted. These are the kinds of things that
I call "red flags," and, Dante, it sounds to me as if you missed a ton of them.
Maybe in YOUR mind, Dante, you two always worked through any big problems, but in your
ex's mind, she kept adding up the penalty points. Of course she never informed you of
that. Although she was exhibiting symptoms of low-interestitis, she was still concealing
her true feelings from you. (You'll never hear a woman say, "Honey, I think you
should know that my romantic Interest Level is starting to slide so could you please do
what you used to do that was keeping it so high?")
Also, Dante, I need to inform you that when you told her that you could "grow and
change," you were groveling. Never grovel for a woman, unless she has a gun to your
So, Dante, why did she leave? She left because you did too many things over time to lower
her Interest Level. What were those things? In order to answer that question I would have
to have more information about your relationship. I need specifics rather than
generalities like; "we argued." To you Psych majors, you gotta be like a love
cop on Law and Order.
But I CAN tell you that whatever you did to lower her Interest Level, it would fit into a
couple basic categories. Either you stopped being a Challenge or you failed to give her
affection, respect and romance. So please, start studying "The System" to learn
how to be a Challenge on a consistent basis and how to keep a woman's Interest Level high.
If you do that you'll never have to experience this kind of pain again.
Realize, Dante, that once a woman's Interest Level sinks below the 50% mark, then it's
past the point of no return. You've got to face it dude, you're out and that's it! No
Vegas bookmaker would give you a snowball's chance in Hades for getting it back together
with this gal who no longer wants your body or your heart.
It's time to get back out there, however discouraged you may feel, and start getting phone
numbers. And if you begin getting pangs of longing for your ex, just make a list of all
the things about her that you didn't like. Then keep reading it - like a hundred times a
Remember, guys, always be on the lookout for those red flags or "You'll be
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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