IS THERE EVER A GOOD REASON TO BREAK A DATE?
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Dear Doc,
I saw this ridiculously pretty girl, Sandy (not her real name), at my yoga class a few
weeks ago. She kept smiling at me, so I followed your advice, Doc, and immediately after
class, right in front of a bunch of other women (I couldn't talk to her in private), I
asked her for her phone number.
When I asked her, this sort of 'should I or shouldn't I' look came over her face for a few
seconds. That's when I felt like - "Oh man, I shouldn't have been so direct so soon.
Now I'm really going to look like a fool." But then, almost like a miracle, she
reached in her purse and took out a pen and paper and wrote down her number and handed it
to me and then gave me another great smile.
I was totally stoked when she handed me that piece of paper. I also have to say that I
really felt good about myself for taking the risk. I asked for the home phone number, Doc,
and I did it with an audience of people watching. I walked out of that yoga class feeling
like a hero.
So, Sandy and I have gone out twice since then, and both dates went really well. We seem
to have good chemistry together. We were scheduled to go out a third time last Tuesday
night, but on Tuesday afternoon she called me at work to say that she reluctantly had to
cancel our date.
She said that her dog, "Roscoe," had been injured by a car that morning and that
she needed to stay with him at the veterinary hospital. But she apologized profusely for
having to cancel and wanted to re-schedule, right then and there, for the following
Tuesday. I hesitated for a moment because I know you say that ANY broken date is bad news,
but she was so insistent and so enthusiastic that I felt like I'd be kind of a jerk if I
didn't accept.
Still, I'm not sure if I did the right thing. Did I blow it Doc? How should I handle this
now? (Please respond as soon as you can, Tuesday will be here in a few days.)
Tanner- who wants to know if he did the right thing
Hey Tanner,
First of all, let me commend you for summoning the courage to 'close' Sandy while an
audience of other females looked on. I know from my early days as a junior Love Doctor how
intimidating that can be. Most guys chicken out when they have an audience watching when
it's time to ask for the number, even though they're dying to ask for it.
But, Tanner, once you commit to taking action you have to stay committed and maintain a
positive attitude. One moment of hesitation from this girl and you were ready to sell out
"The System." So what if she had said no. You did the right thing. You noticed
she was flirting with you. Then you made your move because you were interested in her and
you needed her number to be able to ask her out. You did exactly what you're supposed to
do. You should never feel insecure or be apologetic about asking a girl for her home phone
number. Even if she tries to shame you after you ask (which they sometimes do).
All right, now let's examine this broken date situation as a detective from "Love and
Order" would. The Reality Factor says, we don't know if Sandy's excuse is completely
legitimate or if it's total fiction. Usually, even the most compelling story a girl gives
you for breaking a date turns out to be just that, a story. And she winds up canceling any
subsequent date that you arrange with her as well. Once I had a girl call me as I was
walking out the door to pick her up and tell me that she had to cancel our date because
her pregnant sister was just going into labor and she had to meet her at the hospital. It
turned out she didn't have a sister.
The main issue here, Tanner, is respect. When you accept a counter offer for another date
from a girl who is calling to break a date with you, you're, in effect, telling her that
she has your permission to jerk you around. What you should have said was "Sandy, we
don't know how quickly little Roscoe is going to recover, and he is going to need your
full attention and care for awhile. So let's wait and see how he does before we
re-schedule." To say something like that would be taking charge of the situation and
taking your power back. As my Uncle Jethro Love would say, "When that Lil' Mustang
gets ornery on you, you gotta pull back on the reigns."
At this point, the strongest thing you can do is call Sandy back on Monday and break the
Tuesday date with her. Make up some convincing whopper of your own. Don't suggest any day
as an alternative. Instead, just say, "So hey, I'm in a rush right now, but let's
talk later on." Do not tell her that YOU will call HER. Keep it ambiguous.
Then, you have to out-wait her. If she never calls back, then you'll know that her
Interest Level in you was never high to begin with, and you will have saved yourself from
more disappointment and another wasted $100 on dinner for two.
In order for the two of you to go out again, SHE must call YOU. She must apologize again.
And, SHE must ask YOU out. If she does all those things, then you can put her on probation
and give her another chance. But one more red flag from this babe and it's Adios Amiga!
Remember, guys, to ask yourselves, "How many dates have I broken in my entire
life?"
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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