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Doc Love Success Coach

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Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love

Dear Doc,

I am currently in a relationship with a married woman. I have known her for eight years but we have just become romantically involved in the last four and a half months. I have known she was not happy with her marriage for years and wanted to end it, but she has not due to a variety of reasons. I'm certain that she does not love her husband, but she has not left him yet. (I've met him before, and I cannot understand why she's with him at all.)

The most common reason she gives for not leaving him is that she fears how her children (she has three, ages two, ten and twelve) will view her. She threw her husband out recently, but the two oldest children were so upset that after a few days that she let him come back for the kids' sake. She says that her kids mean everything to her.

This woman says she loves me without question and she will leave her husband when the time is right. My questions are: 1. Do you think she's telling me the truth about why she will not leave him? 2. How do I tell if she is sincere in her desire to leave him for me? 3.What are signs I should look for to tell me she will really leave him? 4. Do women who leave their husbands for another man usually stay with the other man?

I love this woman tremendously but I don't know what to look for.

Help, please!

Jerome - who is hoping and waiting

Hey Jerome,

What kind of drugs have you been smoking? Or, do you live near a glue factory? Your thinking is about as clear as a teenage boy's complexion.

First of all, realize that you've allowed yourself to fall in love with a woman who has no integrity. A woman who cheats on her husband is a woman whom no man can ever fully trust. If this broad had ANY class, she'd either keep her marriage vows, despite the problems, OR she'd wait until she got divorced (or at least legally separated) before she hooked up with another guy. If her kids were as important to her as she claims, she'd be a positive role model instead of one of deceit and manipulation.

The Bottom Line Factor says that If your 'girlfriend' REALLY wanted to leave her husband, she would have done so a long time ago. Think of it this way, Jerome, addictions aside, she IS physically capable of leaving him. All she lacks is: motivation. I'm certain that if she were offered ten million dollars to leave her husband and never see him again, she'd be gone faster than Robert Blake can spit out an alibi! Sadly, as time ticks on, she'll continue to come up with various creative excuses for why she can't leave her husband, and nothing will ever change.

You have to remember something else, Jerome, whether you're evaluating a potential lifetime partner or you're ordering bacon and eggs at Denny's; what you see is what you get. This woman is who she is. She plays both sides of the fence. She's self-centered. She's incredibly needy. She's addicted to drama. These are character traits that she possesses. Is she really the kind of person you would want to commit to, even if she were single?

I'm hoping that as you're reading what I'm saying, your Interest Level in this gal is starting to crack and drop, at least just a little bit. You need to do whatever it takes to lower your Interest Level in her because this situation is a setup for nothing but heartbreak and frustration for you.

Perhaps it will help you to understand that both you and her husband are being 'played' by this dysfunctional Desdemona. Imagine what she tells him about you to keep him under control, how you and she are "just friends." She's got both of you duped. She's getting everything she wants, a husband and a "mister-ess" and you're getting mostly just a whole lot of pain and confusion.

I know this isn't the answer you were looking for, Jerome, but I have to call 'em as I see 'em. I recommend that you start to emotionally disconnect from Mrs. Trouble and start meeting and dating other women as soon as possible. Even if the idea of meeting other women makes you only lovesick, do it anyway. It will build character and prepare you for the real thing when it comes along.

Remember, guys, if she'll do it to him, she'll do it to you.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me at or call (800)  404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"

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