GIRLS WHO KISS YOU - EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE A BOYFRIEND
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Dear Doc,
Hi, I'm a successful writer and one of my plays is about to open here in the San Francisco
area. I've been attending all the rehearsals, working very closely with the director.
One of the actresses in my play, "Samantha", has been giving me what you call a
lot of 'buying signals.' I know you like to have all the statistics, so here they are:
She's about 5'5'', 120lbs, with short dark hair and a very sexy English accent. On the
rating scale I would say that she's a very strong "7". Almost an "8"
but not quite.
Since I'm the writer of the play, I have a lot of power and prestige in this situation and
Samantha seems to have really put me on a pedestal. Over the last few weeks the touching
that I've been getting from her has steadily increased. She's also been giving me a lot of
those, dreamy, "I want you" looks and she continually tells me how handsome and
talented I am.
Now everyone on the set knows that she has a boyfriend. I've heard her mention him once or
twice. But she kept giving me so many green lights that I finally just asked her for her
home phone number and she cheerfully gave it to me without any hesitation. I waited a week
and then called and asked her out for coffee.
She was thrilled to hear from me, but when I asked her out she said "You know that I
have a boyfriend, right?" and I said "Samantha, it's only coffee, I'm not asking
you to get married." She laughed and then agreed to meet me the next night at The
Java Joint downtown.
When we got together she was more flirtatious than ever. She kept touching my arm, bumping
my knee and giving me more of those looks. So when I walked her to her car I went for it,
and she did not mind a bit. We had a serious touchy-feely make-out-fest in that parking
lot that lasted a long fifteen minutes.
Before we said goodbye I mentioned a book about acting that she'd probably like and told
her to call me after she checked it out. (I wanted to see if she'd call me.) Five days
later she called.
We talked for about five or ten minutes and then I suggested that she come meet me at my
place. I told that I'd make dinner for both of us.
She seemed to get kind of nervous and spooked when I did that, so I backed off and made
another coffee date with her.
So she shows up right on time, wearing a very short skirt and a low cut blouse. It was the
most provocative outfit I'd ever seen her wear. She also had a ton of sweet smelling
perfume on.
Besides that, this second coffee date went exactly the same way as the first. We spent an
hour and a half having a great conversation and then we ended up back in the parking lot
for another long makeout session. I tried again to see if she'd come with me to my
apartment but she said that she had to get home because her boyfriend was coming over
after his gig. (He's a jazz musician.)
Anyway, I really like Samantha but it seems as if this whole thing with her just isn't
going anywhere, like it's stalled. I'm sure if I called her again that she'd meet me
somewhere again and it would be the same scenario for a third time and that just isn't
going work for me.
I'm about ready to just blow her off. But I thought that you might have a clever idea or
two, Doc. What do you think?
P.S. Also, what do you think I should say if she calls me again?
Dino - who is a bit frustrated
Hey Dino,
Let me commend you on an excellent job of 'closing' this gal. She gave you the buying
signals and you responded appropriately. A lot of guys would have been stymied by her
mixed messages, but you followed "The System".
"The System" says, if she flirts with you, and you're interested, then keep
closing no matter what tests she throws at you. Let her do her flitty butterfly, waxing
and waning routine, but you, the man, stay consistent and steady as a steam locomotive,
slowly but surely chugging up the hill. That's just what you did Dino. Good work!
All right, so obviously I wouldn't recommend that you take this thing with Samantha
seriously. You've got the right spirit when you say that you're ready to shine the whole
thing on. You're not attached. You're heart's not invested in any way and that's just how
you should keep it in this situation.
But you can still have some fun here. Look at it this way. She's keeping you 'on the
side'. Ok. So why not do the same thing with her? Don't take her out anywhere special. No
dinners. No concerts. No dancing. She'll just be your Java Joint make out buddy who you
don't need to spend any more than six bucks on. To you Psych majors, all's fair in love
and war.
So keep the frequency rate down. Only see her every two or three weeks. If nothing
progresses any further than it already has, just look at it this way. Fifteen minutes of
kissing and cuddling with a pretty young woman for the cost of two cappuccinos, ain't a
bad trade off.
Keep in mind that if she's makin' out with you, that her relationship with her boyfriend
has to be on the skids. He doesn't know it yet but he's a 'dead man walkin.' Once her
Interest Level in him sinks another ten points, he'll be getting the old heave ho.
Whatever. Just let her do what she's going to do. Meanwhile, you're going to be hustling
lots of other women. You're going to find some candidates who not only have high interest
in you, but also don't have any boyfriends in the background.
You're not going to be one of those saps who get all emotionally invested in a girl who's
unavailable, hoping and waiting for her to leave her boyfriend. Just think of Samantha as
your little, diversionary entertainment chick.
Let her call you. She most likely will. When she does, have her meet you at a different
coffeehouse. But no restaurants where you'd have to spend extra money on her.
When you're chatting with her, keep it light. Don't mention the boyfriend. Don't get into
an analysis of the situation with her. Don't make her feel like you want ANYTHING from
her. Do not pressure her in any way. And let her do all the touching until you get back to
the parking lot for your fifteen minutes of delight.
Who knows, she just might see the light and let you know that she wants to take things
further with you. But if that's going to happen, the initiative has to come from her. If
it never does, who cares?
Remember, guys, it's more fun to date girls who are available.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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