TAKE CHARGE AND BE COURAGEOUS
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
As a female reader of your column, I must start off by saying that "The System"
is absolutely brilliant. When I first was reading the articles, I remember nodding my head
vigorously and saying to myself, "This advice is exactly right!"
Many of your key points are things I have thought all along, and I am pleased an expert is
finally telling the truth. Plus your sense of humor is an A+! Since the column is geared
for men, I hope you don't mind some questions from female readers because I have one.
In recent times I have been having quite a few guys start a trend that really annoys me.
Their idea of 'closing' is hinting that we "hang out sometime" (very weak), and
then they give their phone number to me and tell me to call them! When they do this, they
don't ask for mine. Of course their method lowers my Interest Level.
When I've run into those guys again, they ask why I haven't called yet! Perhaps I am too
harsh but I figure if a guy presents himself this way to begin with, he'll always be timid
and not someone that I'd want to be in a relationship with.
Any thoughts on how I should handle these guys that don't take the direct approach? Could
I be doing something wrong to intimidate them? Thanks.
Caprice - who wants to know more
Of course you know that one of the bedrock principles of "The System" is: always
ask for the home phone number. If any of you guys have ever wondered why I make such a big
deal out of this, you now have your answer.
Thank you Caprice for giving us this valuable insight into what's really going on out
there. Your real-life experience verifies what I've been righteously ranting about: The
average guy does not know how to properly approach and 'close' a woman.
When a guy hands a woman his phone number without ever asking for hers, it shows that he
does not have the confidence to rebuff her possible rejection. It shows her that he's risk
averse, so he will never be successful in romantic relationships.
A woman who would have been happy to have a guy call her if he had asked her for her
number, will usually NOT call him. Why not? One: She, like most women, doesn't feel
comfortable calling a guy, even a guy she likes. (Unless her Interest Level in him is 90%+
- and most of the time it starts at a lower point than that.)
And secondly, she won't be motivated to call him because she got turned off by his passive
behavior. As "liberated" as women have become in the 21st century, when the
pedal hits the metal, they still expect men to be the ones who risk rejection. It makes
them uncomfortable when a man expects them to be the risk takers - at least in the
So look, I'm telling you guys out there, listen up and take this to heart. This kind of
hedging-your-bets, passive approach is for girly-men. Women don't want passivity. They
want a guy who is direct and who takes charge. A guy who knows what he wants and goes for
it. A guy who's undaunted by the threat of potential rejection. To you Psych majors, they
want a guy who doesn't care.
I think that it is important to emphasize that it is the fear of rejection that motivates
most guys to take this indirect-passive approach. They think that if they come on in a
laid back, slightly ambiguous way, that they are then safe from hearing the dreaded
"N" word (No). But this is no way to live. No risk, no passion, no fun.
And here's something to contemplate: Would the man of a woman's romantic fantasies ever
say something like "Yeah, maybe we should hang out sometime"(?) Is that
something that a powerful, magnetic and charismatic fellow would say? Not!!!
All right, now, back to you dear Caprice. How should you handle the guys who don't take
the direct approach? If it's a guy who you have some real interest in and he's trying to
give you his phone number instead of asking for yours, you could try just telling him
point blank, "If you want to go out with me, you have to ask Me for my home phone
number and call Me." That would shake him up a bit and maybe he'd get the hint.
In answer to your other question, I doubt that you are doing anything in particular to
intimidate these guys. Most men are intimidated by women, period.
Remember, guys: women love men who do not fear rejection.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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