CAN YOU SAY, "I LOVE YOU" TOO OFTEN?
Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
You have provided some tremendous information on the dating world. I can certainly attest
to that. Learning how to interpret the signals that women send out (things that I just
never noticed before) has made a dramatic difference in my love life. However, I think
there is one gray area that you have yet to touch on. The transformation from dating to
boyfriend to exclusive. Each stage has its relative attributes that sometimes don't apply
to the others.
For example, when initially dating, you must maintain that mystique,
that aura, that distance to make HER desire you. However, I think that this behavior
becomes counter-productive around say, the two or at least three-month point. This is
around the time where she should be feeling secure enough (assuming you'd like her to) to
have that warm fuzzy girlfriend/boyfriend thing going on. But because you're continuing to
be a Challenge, she still doesn't have that feeling. She's not sure if she can trust you
and she's not sure where she stands with you. So, at what point is being a Challenge to be
stopped or slowed down or whatever?
Thanks Doc, keep em coming.
Nate - who seeks deeper wisdom
Great question. I'm glad that you do appreciate the power and importance of being a
Challenge. Most men come on too heavy with women and push for too much too soon. They
embarrass themselves. They use all kinds of ploys; they grovel and beg, seek approval,
attempt to impress, brag and try to talk women into liking them. Or, they pour their guts
out while trying to show the woman how sensitive and vulnerable they can be. They'll do
anything to get intimate with women as quickly as they possibly can, whatever they think
What they fail to understand is that what women want more than anything, is the
un-attainable guy, the guy who is slightly aloof and enigmatic. To you Psych majors, the
guy who's not trying.
So Nate, you understand the value of Challenge. Fantastic! But you think that being a
Challenge becomes counter-productive after a few months. Wrong! If you follow "The
System," and you are consistently a gentleman, with manners class and high integrity,
and you continue being a Challenge, after about sixty days, she will indeed have that warm
fuzzy feeling. She will call you her boyfriend. She will be exclusive with you. She will
love you and she will trust you as much as she's capable of with any man. (She wouldn't
trust a man who was a non - Challenge any more than you wouldn't, after having spent the
same amount of time with him.)
When Challenge works its magic, her romantic Interest Level gets very high. And when the
woman has a high level of romantic interest in you, she feels safe and comfortable. Then
she experiences all those wonderful romantic feelings that she's been longing to feel. She
feels like she's been swept off her feet. You can't do any better than that, Nate.
I just don't want you feeling as warm and fuzzy as she does Nate, because if you do, you
will start coming on too heavy verbally, and you'll open up too much. Her Interest Level
in you should be in the nineties and your Interest Level toward her should stay in the
eighties. When your romantic Interest Level stays lower than hers does, you won't start
getting too sweet and soft and syrupy, which would slowly erode her Interest Level in
Be aware, Nate, that as time goes go by, your girlfriend will get to know you and your
habits, what bugs you and what makes you happy. You will become less mysterious and more
predictable without doing anything. So there's no need to change your basic love strategy.
Continue to not tell her about painful things in your past. Continue to surprise her in
clever ways. Continue to let her wonder about where she stands with you. Not whether you
like her or not. She wondered about that during the first sixty days. After that, you want
her to wonder whether or not you're really gone over her the way she's gone over you,
Now, after you have been with a woman for a couple months, there are certain Challenge
strategies/behaviors that you can lighten up on. I'll give you a few examples from the
many in "The System." 1) you can go ahead and leave a message on her answering
service if you want to 2) You can also talk to her on the phone just to have a fun chat 3)
you can take her out on a Friday or Saturday night. Things like that. But, always maintain
a ratio of one "I love you" to every five she says to you. That will keep her on
her toes AND, keep her Interest Level high.
Remember, guys, never go against the principles that made you a success with women to
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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