WHEN YOUR HEART SAYS, "SHE'S THE ONE" BUT YOUR HEAD
SAYS, "SHE'S NOT PRETTY ENOUGH"
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Dear Doc Love,
A buddy of mine has been raving about your column. So I finally checked it out the last
two weeks and I'm already hooked. I think you've got some genuine wisdom, which is
something I really need right now, because I've got a genuine problem.
I've been dating Melissa for a little over three months. I've never felt more comfortable
with a woman in my life. We're unbelievably compatible and she's got almost all of the
qualities I look for in a woman. She's cultured, really smart, fun, loving, athletic and
accomplished in her career. We've got good chemistry and we're really affectionate. So
what's my problem? Why aren't I on cloud ten?
Well, here it is: I can't stop wishing she was more beautiful. I'm not saying she's a dog.
Melissa is definitely attractive. But I've dated strictly stunning women up until now. For
better or worse, looks are really important to me. I get off on the feeling of walking
into a room with a gorgeous woman on my arm. When I met Melissa, I liked her immediately.
We clicked. But, frankly, I thought that I'd soon be moving on to prettier pastures. Well,
here I am three months later, getting seriously involved with the least physically
dazzling woman I have eve dated. Yet in so many other ways she's the MOST attractive lady
I have dated.
Doc, I really need your help. I feel tormented by this. Most of my friends tell me to get
off it, that Melissa's incredible and I should be grateful for what I have. But what if
I'm settling? What if there's a woman out there with the whole package, one with Melissa's
qualities but who's also a 10 or at least a 9?
Am I a superficial jerk to wish her nose was straight, her waist thinner and her lips
fuller? And while we're at it, can I make her at least three inches taller? I've really
got a thing for tall women, and she's only 5'5". I'm still young and good looking
enough to be able to attract a super hot woman. Two amazing babes have come on to me since
I've been dating Melissa, but I didn't take the bait because I didn't want to lose what
So Doc, can you straighten me out?
Blake - who feels tormented
Week after week I hammer away at my readers, exhorting them to stop looking only at their
own Interest Level in the woman that they are with and to start focusing on, and properly
evaluating, the woman's Interest Level in them. In any romantic relationship, it's crucial
for the man to be 100% clear about the status of his woman's Interest Level in him.
But today, Blake, I'm going to ask you to focus specifically on your Interest Level. I
want you to be as honest with yourself as you possibly can. What rating would you assign
to your level of romantic interest in Melissa? (I doubt that it's less than 50% or
otherwise you wouldn't be with her. You seem to have so many other options.) Even though
she doesn't measure up to your usual standard of beauty, you must be attracted to her.
You've been with her for three months. And on top of that, you've been loyal to her.
Ok. But what IS your Interest Level? Is it 69%, 74%, 81%? Give it an exact number. Only
you know for sure. If it's really only in the 60's and you know in your heart of hearts
that it ain't goin' any higher, then you'd be a jerk to stay with Melissa and lead her on.
You can't build a happy, long-term-committed relationship on 65% Interest Level.
On the other hand, maybe your Interest Level in Melissa is actually higher than you've
been willing to admit to yourself. Perhaps you have a belief that you can only fall in
love with a stunning babe and the fact that you've fallen for a 7.5 doesn't compute for
you. So take a reality check. If your Interest Level in Melissa is somewhere in the 80's,
then, dude, you're a winner in the lottery of love! Get over your ego and get on with the
In order to gain complete clarity on this entire issue, you have to thoroughly examine
your fundamental personal values. To you Psych Majors, you've gotta search your soul. How
much of your wanting to have a super model on your arm is based on needing the respect and
approval of other people to compensate for your own lack of self-esteem? Or, is this just
the way you're built and you need to honor that?
If, after your journey of introspection, you're still confused and you feel that the only
way you'll be able to be at peace about this doubt that's gnawing at you, is to date more
super hot women, then do what you've got to do. Maybe there is a gal out there with
Melissa's qualities and who is also a 9 or a 10. Just remember that she has to like you as
much as Melissa likes you.
But realize you can't have it both ways. In order to do conduct more 'research', you WILL
have to forsake Melissa. How would that feel? Could you handle that loss? Will you wind up
kicking yourself after you've burned through another dozen aspiring actresses and bimbo
models? Maybe you're ok with taking that risk. Check it out. But I think you've got a good
think going with Melissa.
Remember, guys: beauty fades, but attitude lasts forever.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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