ONE POWERFUL TECHNIQUE FOR OVERCOMING THE FEAR OF REJECTION
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
Dear Doc Love,
I met this girl a few weeks back while interviewing people to fill a job position that we
had open where I work. (I'm an administrator at a small business college. I do the
interviewing but I don't make the final decisions on who gets hired.)
I have to tell you that this girl seemed so perfect for me. I could tell she was taking
interest in me by the way she was staring into my eyes, but I was just way too scared to
even ask her out. I guess the last time I even asked a girl out was four or five months
ago. I've just felt kind of frozen. The way my schedule is, I don't often meet any women
in my daily life.
This girl came back a second time for another interview with my boss, but I was too
nervous again, and I only barely said hello to her although she gave me a warm smile. Is
there any way I can recover from this and give this another shot? I really think this girl
is right for me. I would really appreciate any advice.
Elliot - who needs to get his courage up
Hold your horses and cool your jets, Sonny Boy. We don't know if your potential new
co-worker was giving you that sparkly-eyed look because she was attracted to you, or,
because she was turning on the charm so you'd give her the job (or both.) Although it's
more likely that she was more interested in the job than in you. That's the way the odds
play out in the land of reality.
But whatever the truth was, when you're on the job you're not there to be hitting on the
pretty girls who come in for interviews. You were there, in this case, to find the best
person for the position that was open. So it's good that you didn't come on to this girl.
You don't want to be jeopardizing your own job. But, at the same time it's not good that
you were afraid to ask her out. You understand the distinction?
When and if you should get involved with someone at your work is always a tough call.
There are no hard and fast rules. There are guys who have been sued and raked over the
coals for even complimenting a female co-worker. And, there are plenty of examples of men
who met the love of their life at the office.
In your case, Elliot, it's apparent that you don't have the confidence, the cool or the
clarity to handle such a delicate situation. I don't even want you to be thinking about
asking this particular girl out. You're not ready yet.
"The System" tells us that one of the qualities that women value most in a man
is confidence. If you're not confident with women, which you're obviously not, Elliot,
then you must put yourself on a confidence-building program. How is that done? Here's the
secret: (It's actually a lot easier than you might think.)
Determine the highest level of beauty that a woman can have and still not engender one bit
of nervousness or trepidation in you when you contemplate approaching her and talking to
her. So, for instance, if you still get the heebie jeebies at the thought of approaching a
7, take it down a couple notches to the 5's who never make you uncomfortable at all. Then,
whenever you are out and about in public, say "hello" to and strike up a
conversation with every woman that you encounter who is, in one way or another, a 5 or
less in your eyes.
Talk to women of all ages. Talk to mothers with their kids. Talk to grandmothers you
encounter at the produce section in the market. Ask them what the difference is between a
sweet potato and a yam. Laugh and joke with the plain Jane who works at the bank who just
isn't quite pretty enough for you to be romantically interested in. But only talk to women
who you are 100% comfortable with.
You see, if you spend most of your life hardly ever approaching and talking to any females
at all, it's pretty tough to suddenly ask a girl out that you've just met, particularly a
rather attractive one. But the more you practice interacting with females on a daily
basis, the easier it gets to connect with the ones you like.
The low 7, who used to make you slightly nervous, now begins to feel like just another one
of the gals who you regularly chat with. Then, once you achieve comfort and confidence
with the low 7's, step up to the mid and high 7's. The trick is to crank up the risk
factor very, very slowly, so slowly that your subconscious never perceives that there is
anything to fear.
If you follow my instructions, Elliot, you will slowly but surely gain the comfort and
confidence you need in order to be successful with women. You will no longer have to be
tormenting yourself about how you failed to 'close' when you knew that you should have.
And you won't be complaining that you don't meet any women. There are women everywhere you
go, aren't there? Smile and say hello. Start with the ones you have no attraction to,
But, in order for this method to work, you have to be truly committed to practicing every
day. It won't work if you merely do it in a half-assed way. Read my instructions over
several times and make the commitment to do whatever it takes to have a real breakthrough
Then, when the next potential soul mate crosses your path, it will be no big deal to say
to her, "Missy, I'd like to take you out. What's your home phone number?" Just
avoid using work as your only resource for meeting women. Get out there on the
"street" and start relating to the abundance of women who are everywhere else.
Remember, guys: don't bite off more than you can chew.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me
at http://www.doclove.com or call (800)
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars.
For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with
one man versus another?"
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